Post # 1
My FI had a couple people on our invite list that he was kind of unsure of. They were close friends in college (over 10 years ago) and he kind of wanted to invite them, but hadn’t been in contact w/them recently. My viewpoint was… if in the 2 1/2 years we’ve been together I’ve never even HEARD of them (I understand not meeting due to distance, busy lives, etc)… they probably shouldn’t be invited. I’m talking, never heard the name mentioned until FI decided to add them to the list.
I guess this one guy was invited to his bachelor party (again, I knew nothing of this since I obviously didn’t plan it). I did my invites the weekend FI was away, and I asked him about this one guy – let’s call him Tony. FI said, nah, forget it. Tony shouldn’t be invited – I havent seen him in ages. So … no invite was sent.
About a week ago- FI asked me to double check if we invited Tony. I find out later that Tony was invited to the bachelor party… and was a no call/no show the whole weekend which kind of irked FI. I don’t think FI didn’t invite him out spite, but took it as – well he clearly has no interest in seeing me so I’m just gonna take him off the guest list and not waste our money. Stupid man thinking!
Meanwhile – I know this is a TOTAL etiquette faux pas! You can’t invite someone to the bachelor party (even though he didnt show) and then just not send a wedding invite, right?!
The real kicker is – today we get Tony’s SAVE THE DATE!
What would you do in this case? I am thinking to have FI text him and play dumb…. tell him we got his STD and that our RSVP date has passed and ask if he is coming. I’m assuming Tony would then say that he never got the invite and FI can pretend it got lost in the mail, etc. We don’t even have an address for Tony (though there was one on the STD) so it’s not like we can send one out AND our RSVP date is this week. We are under our minimum so adding two people is really no issue.
Does this make us horrible, rude people?!
Post # 3
I’m a bit confused – you got Tony’s STD? Is Tony getting married and sent your FI a STD even though he was invited to your wedding but only the bachelor party (to which he no-showed)?
Post # 4
mkendrick: Yes, Tony is getting married in September and sent us a Save The Date. Tony was invited to the bachelor party, didn’t show up after RSVP-ing yes, and then didn’t get an invite to our wedding due to FI deciding he didn’t want to invite him.
I guess I should mention that when I told FI that we got his STD, he was like, “Oh, we totally have to go! Can’t wait!”. Thats why I think it will be super awkward – if we attend his wedding when he didn’t even get an invite to ours, though he got an invite to the bachelor party.
Post # 6
weatherbug: I dont’ think it’s a big deal.
While you shouldn’t really invite people to the bach party who aren’t comign to the wedding, men do this pretty frequently. They tend to be less stressed about the etiquette of it all.
I would leave your wedding alone, don’t send an invite. It’s not like he actually ATTENDED the bachelor party.
For his wedding, I’d probably end up RSVPing with regrets.
Post # 7
I would go with your plan of playing dumb and acting like he was invited all along.
Post # 8
I think since he no-showed to the bachelor party, he doesn’t deserve an invite. Sorry if it’s harsh, but so is not showing up to a party you RSVP’d “Yes” for.
Post # 9
It’s fine- my husband actually invited a few guys to his bachelor party that we didn’t invite to the wedding. I told him not to do it and said it was rude, but he said guys don’t care and they wouldn’t even want to go to the wedding (I hardly knew them), but would be all about a weekend in Vegas. I just wouldn’t say anything, and go to their wedding if you want to. It doesn’t have to all be even.
Post # 2
So you haven’t ever met or heard of this guy, and he totally no showed to the bachelor party? No, I’d leave it alone. If he happened to bring it up ever (which would be extremely rude) your fiance just will have to tell him you had a limited guest list blah blah blah.
Post # 5
I think you need to invite him. I’d have FI call or text and just casually mention that it looks like there was a mixup and he didn’t get a formal invitation but that he IS invited. Then re-send the invite with maybe a little note like “sorry this is so late, hope you can come!”. Even if you don’t want the guy to come or don’t care or think he won’t show up, I think it’s worse if he doesn’t get an invite.
Post # 10
So FI texted him and let him know that we received their STD and to “remind” him to RSVP to ours. It worked out perfectly – he said “I need to go to my parents house to get the invite” (I guess he just moved in with his fiance?) and FI told him to just RSVP online instead, gave him the website and we got his RSVP this morning.