- 4 years ago
It has been a crummy day for me. We just got engaged 4 days ago, I should be on Cloud 9!! But instead I am stressing and crying and upset! We have been kind of planning our wedding for a few months before we even got engaged. We had pretty much decided, and I had my heart set on, a very small and private destination wedding in the Bahamas. Our plan was to only invite immediate family and a couple close friends. He and I, my parents, his parents and his sister and brother in law, would stay in a nice house on the beach together, have the wedding on the beach as well as the reception. I love the idea of it being a family vacation and in my mind, less stress than trying to plan one here, and overall, less money. We just build a house, 99% of it paid for by my parents, I didn’t want to tax them financially for our wedding the next year after they did that for us.
We live in a very small town and to do a wedding here is not ideal for a few reasons.
1- It would be very hard to keep it small. There are a lot of people we would feel obligated to invite just because of the potential drama if we didn’t invite them.
2- I really don’t like being the center of attention. I am shy. It makes me uncomfortable. Doing a big traditional wedding for people we don’t even like and having them judge us, judge me, sounds like my version of hell. Which is why a very small and casual destination wedding was really appealing to us.
Future SIL was on board with the plans a couple months ago. This week, we find out they say they will go no matter what, but it will be a strain on them financially. She is in a nursing school program, so she is not working. Her husband doesn’t get paid vacation (something we didn’t know until today).
Its worth adding that my parents live in the same town as my FH and I, but his family all live a couple states over. So no matter what we did (DW or wedding here), his family would have to pay travel.
Finding all this out just devastates me. He is close to his sister. I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. We want them there. But we also don’t know what to do about the financial burden. I have had my heart set on this for my, OUR, wedding, for a long time. I never even explored other options. Now, maybe its just because I am upset, but now I just don’t even want to do wedding. I kind of feel like, F – it, we’re not going to be able to make everyone happy and if we can’t make ourselves happy with the wedding, why spend the money???
I know I should be exploring other options, but I just am devastated. Maybe its shallow. But I never imagined I would have to work our wedding around someone else. JHis parents were 100% on board (even with his dad’s intense dislike and near refusal to fly). His dad was going to suck it up and get on a plane and enjoy the week of his son’s wedding.
I just don’t know what to do. I am open to suggestions, but I just don’t know if I can really be as excited with doing anything else right now.