We may have to change our plans…. I don't know what to do!!!

posted 2 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

jackaroo1223:  Hang in there! I know it’s disappointing, but this probably won’t be the last time one of your wedding plans doesn’t work out. Take some time to feel sad about it, then move on and start making decisions toward a wedding even better than you originally imagined! I’m not sure where you live, but unless you’re waaay inland I’d try to find a great beach destination within driving distance of your FI’s family and sister. Then you still get the beach vacation you dreamed of, you don’t have to worry about inviting your entire town, and you ease some of the burden on those who can’t afford/don’t wish to fly. As an added bonus, it’ll probably be easier to take care of the legals if you keep the wedding domestic! Good luck!

Post # 3
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

jackaroo1223:  Cant you help his hister and hubby financially, like pay their tickets and tell them no gift required? I mean if you were to stay and have a big do it wil surely cost more!


I love your idea of family vacation – instead of paying for a 100’s people food and drink who you feel obliged to invite you would be contributing to fond memories of the nearest and dearest.


That’s our idea exactly . We are paying major part of my family’s tickets (mom and bro) cos they cant afford it and then still the overall thing works out MUCH cheaper!

Best of luck!


( How long till wedding? Might be able to save up by then!)

Post # 4
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016 - Chateau

Hi there… I know how you feel! <br />I just recently had to change our destination wedding plans for someone else (Groom’s family). If we continued with our plans, we would be forever blacklisted in my groom’s family I think (they are not easy people)… I was heartbroken! I spent a whole week crying (I had spent a year planning this destination wedding in the Caribbean). <br />We considered eloping for a while because we felt the same kind of “well if we can’t have the wedding of our dreams, no point having a wedding”. My mom was my rock during that time and helped me figure stuff out and we found a compromise. We are going to do something in France (home country) and then fly to the Caribbean and have a private blessing on the beach just the two of us. <br />Take time to REALLY think about it and even though you don’t want to right now, have a look at other options. If you can’t see past your wedding in the Caribbean, then you should do it and maybe do a get together at home to celebrate once you get back. Or if not, I agree with PP that you could help them pay for their tickets maybe? It’s your one day with your groom, do whatever makes you happy on your wedding day. Don’t regret later that you missed out. (That’s how I looked at it).<br /><br />I hope I could help!

Post # 5
7289 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Well all you can do is work out what is more important to you as a couple. The destination or having the people that love you and support you at your wedding. I don’t say that to be mean, I had a DW myself. In order to fulfil both our desire for a DW and to have the guests that we wanted to have we paid for the guests to attend. If I couldn’t do that then we would have had a wedding at home.

Do not discount a wedding at home. I think brides and groom over estimate the desire to attend their wedding. Guests usually understand couples choices and budgets so if they are not invited they usually understand. So you could still have an intimate wedding at home or closer to the SIL.

Post # 6
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You can absolutely have an intimate wedding at home, with no more people than the few family members you plan to invite to the DW. It’s all in how you ‘pitch’ it to people. Letting people know it’s going to be a small intimate affair should be all the explanation you need.

If you’re still set on the DW and want fSIL & fBIL to be there, then see if you and your FI can help them pay their way. Can you cover the flight or hotel or meals? 

Post # 7
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

You always need to plan your wedding keeping other people in mind. Honestly I think it’s a little selfish for people to expect guests to pay for a vacation to attend their wedding. It’s great if everyone is on board, but it is a really really large financial commitment.

I agree with PPs that you can have an intimate wedding at home and have your wedding not be such a financial strain on people you really care to come.

Post # 8
673 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Wow. This was as if you were describing my wedding troubles. We had planned our wedding for months before the proposal, so we were very happy about having a plan. Everyone was on board, except some family of mine. They told me they wished me well, but would not be attending. I went through the sad phase (and several angry FB statuses about just eloping) and then I sat with my FI and we had to decide if it was more important to have the people or the destination. While it certainly stinks that we can’t have the wedding we wanted, I would regret not having the people I love there with me, even more. We offered to pay, but they wouldn’t take our money, since we are a young couple just starting off. We finally settled on a wedding in FL and then going to our Hawaiian destination as a honeymoon. The only problem now is that leaves us paying a bit more than we wanted for all the extra flights and hotels, but it’s worth it to have the few people we wanted standing there with us on our biggest day. It’s a hard choice, you just have to decide what you’ll regret in the end. 

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