Post # 1
Backstory: FI has been studying for months to convert to Judaism. He wants us to raise our future children in a Jewish home, and he’s really excited to have a traditional Jewish ceremony at our wedding.
We were originally planning on getting married next spring. Unfortunately, we don’t have a clear timeline of how long the conversion process will take; it could be finished next spring, or it could be finished next winter. We have no idea.
At first, I was on board with the plan of waiting until he converts to get married. I love that he wants to have a Jewish ceremony. Lately, however, I really just want to marry him ASAP. We’ve been together for almost three years. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Part of me still wants to have the traditional Jewish ceremony with a rabbi (who won’t marry us unless we’re both Jewish), yet part of me wants to run off to the nearest courthouse so I can be married to this wonderful man.
I was getting upset about it last night and was having a hard time explaining myself to FI. He said he would marry me tomorrow, if that’s what I wanted. While I appreciate the sentiment, I don’t want to pressure him to do something he would regret later. I also don’t want to wait a year to get married.
Post # 3
As someone who rushed her first wedding and then was disappointed in all the things it couldn’t be because we didn’t wait and put in the time & effort, I’d say cool your jets. What’s the rush, really? A year is not that long.
Post # 4
@plainjane115: Part of being an adult, is sometimes waiting until things are right to do the things that you want. I take it you are Jewish and your fiance is converting so that you two can both share in what is a BEAUTIFUL history and religion and you can start off your marriage in a truly religious home and be equally yoked from the beginning. THAT, I find so much more beautiful than postponing because you don’t have the money or postponing because you want to get married in that pretty building. He wants to share a jewish wedding with his jewish wife. Look at it that way.
This world is FULL of instant gratification, but you know what is so much more gratifying? Knowing that you did things in the way God intended it, no matter how long it took. It’s going to happen. It’s like helping him through school. Immerse yourself in that until it’s over. Maybe take him to places that will enrich the experience with him. You’ll fall in love even more and that wedding date, when you are both standing under that chupah (excuse the spelling, I’m not Jewish) and when you can have that Ketubah signed…
it’s going to be beautiful. So wait it out sweetie. The prize is at the end.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Just wait. A year flies by, and you will have nothing to regret.
Post # 6
@plainjane115: What about getting married at a courthouse “officially,” but then still having your big wedding with a rabbi once he is converted? You don’t necessarily even have to tell other people about the fact that you were actually married earlier, and frankly they shouldn’t care anyway. That’s just a thought, since you seem like you are really ready to take that step but also want to have a traditional Jewish wedding.
Whatever you choose is up to you, but I would also say to wait. I am an incredibly impatient person, and usually when I want something, I want it NOW. But I’ve been working on becoming more patient and have found that it makes everything that much better in the end. If you wait, you will have the wedding that you want, and it really doesn’t change the relationship you and your FI have now anyway.
Best of luck with whatever you decide!
Post # 7
@plainjane115: the conversion process takes about a year.
do you need to have your rabbi marry you? many reform rabbi’s will perform interfaith weddings.
FI and I had to find a reform rabbi to marry us because we wanted to marry before sundown on a saturday night.
judaism is matralineal.
because YOU are jewish, your children are jewish no matter what.
if your husband was jewish and you were not and then had children before you converted, the children would have to go to the mikvah to convert.