Post # 1
I’m new to this board, and I can’t really talk about this with my friends because they are either already married or are in long term relationships with lots of sex.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We moved in together this month. Before then we would see each other Friday and Saturday nights (he works Saturdays) and all day Sundays. The sex would be so good that he would come home from work after an hour and we would go at it (I would hang around his house and hang out with his roommates before heading back to my place).
We moved in togther September 10th and we haven’t had sex since. Yesterday was his birthday and I tried to get romantic starting with playing with his package. He takes my hand and moves it away. Ughhhh. I haven’t even been able to pleasure myself either so there’s a lot of sexual tension.
I’m going to give it until after this weekend and if nothing happens I’m going to bring it up. I know he’s stressed about him moving. When he was a kid a burglar came into his home and almost killed him (the guy ran after him with a knife) and he told me before we moved in together that that stresses him out. But still it’s been almost a month, we live in a nice town, I don’t think anyone is going to break in. But if it’s not that it’ll be something else.
Anyone else have this problem???
Post # 3
This happened to my Fiance and I when we first moved in together. There were a few different reasons:
- When you see each other only a few times a week, you are so excited to see each other and therefore have sex nearly every time you get together;
- When you see each other only a few times a week, you spend those hours together totally focused on each other — which makes sex more likely;
- This is a personal reason, but my Fiance lost his job just two weeks after moving in with me, and he was depressed and I was FREAKED about paying rent (moving in with me was a significant rent increase for him).
Since you two have lived together for only 16 days or so, I think you’re still adjusting. If it turns into an ongoing problem, there are a few things to try – from agreeing to have sex every day for a week just to make a game out of it, to scheduling dates (either at-home or out), etc.
Sorry you’re going through this, but perhaps there’s some comfort in that it seems to be pretty common!
Post # 4
@jd2012: +1 I agree there are a lot of reasons this could be happening, give it a little more time for everything to settle into a routine. It may be that once you break the ice again things will get back to normal.
Post # 5
I think this is fairly common. Darling Husband and I have lived together for three years and we have sex way less than when we were only seeing each other on weekends. It’s ridiculous because back then we dealt with parents and roommates and now we have an entire house to ourselves, we should be doing it in every room. This has been an issue since the very first week we lived together, so we’re pretty used to our current schedule but we don’t particularly like it. We both want more sex but we tend to want it at different times and it’s so easy to just be lazy when we see each other every day.
Sorry this hasn’t been terribly helpful. Maybe you can try planning a nice date night or a romantic evening in and it will just be a natural progression to sex?
Post # 6
this is not a “child like burglary issue”…!!! Thats an excuse.
1. Is he regretting moving in?
2. Did he move in with you for any other reason than to be with you? ie.. did he just want to get away from his parents?
Post # 7
I think the burglar trauma must still be affecting him and maybe he feels embarrassed to tell you. Because I don’t think it’s normal to go from 60 to zero just because you moved in together. If anything, you should be having MORE sex than before.
My husband and dated long distance tend had awesome sex. Once we moved in together, we did it every day and still do, after nearly four years (not bragging-just how we roll:)
Still, I think he is having emotional issues because of the drastic change in frequency and I don’t think sexy lingerie or romantic dates are going to help in this case. Maybe a little therapy would be better right now.
Post # 8
Are you done moving? As in done unpacking, setting up cable/internet, and ordering furniture? When we moved in we joked that it had the opposite effect as all of our parents warned us about. We were so exhausted after unpacking all night that we just went to sleep as platonicly as could be. Now that we are unpacked and in a routine, it is getting back to normal.
Post # 9
@jd2012: I guess you’re right, it’s still a new time for us, and before since we didn’t see each other every day it was kind of like a build up because we knew it was going to be a nookie fest on the weekends lol.
@tfm: I agree the whole home invasion thing is kind of a lame excuse, but he has been like that with every time he has moved. I asked him earlier on to see if he regrets moving in and he told me he definetly didn’t regret it. Also financially it was way better for him. Before he was renting a room in a basement for $600 a month. Right now the agreement (because legally the house is in my name and I don’t want to do anything to mess that up in case there is a breakup) is that I pay the mortgage and he pays the utilities. He has a ton of student loans to pay off, I thought I could help. He hasn’t complained yet. Now the wifi reception is a whole different story! LOL. Where he was living before it was his roommate, her boyfriend, her brother and her boyfriend’s two kids so it’s actually a lot more quiet here and he likes it.
@PutABirdOnIt: I def think he needs therapy too. He needed therapy when it happened and his mom just didn’t think much of it, but it’s affecting him to this day twenty something years later.
@Pollywog: We are STILL unpacking, setting up things, making improvements so the house is still in a setting up period. I agree that once we get settled in things will get better.
Well everyone, just happy to report he must’ve read my mind last night (or this board) and we had some romantic time. Let’s just see if it’s more than once and a while. I appreciate everyone’s input on this!
Post # 10
Honestly I think what you’re going through is normal (aside from his stress about the burglarly in his childhood – that’s really scary!) When my Fiance and I only saw each other on weekends we’d have sex 4-6 times in a matter of two days. After moving in together, we have sex maybe 3 times a week (sometimes more, sometimes less.)
The thing is, when you’re only seeing each other on the weekends, you have it in your head that you need to make the absolute most of that time, and if you don’t have sex then, you won’t have it at all. Plus it is time you’re setting aside to specifically focus on each other, since it’s all the time you have together and you have the rest of the week to do your own thing. That environment naturally leads to more sex.
When you do move in together, the first couple of weeks are tiring and stressful, which leads to a drop in sex drive. After that, you adjust to being together all the time, and you know you can have sex any time you want so it’s much easier to think, “Well we could do it tonight, but I’m tired, and we can just do it tomorrow instead.” Then tomorrow comes and something else gets in the way, but still, you know the other person will be there the next day, so no worries.
I’m not saying it’s good to fall into this pattern but it is normal. You’ve gone through the roughest period of initially moving and hopefully will start to get back into a semi-regular schedule soon!