- 8 years ago
I’ve been doing a lot of searching lately and came across these boards, and everyone seems so helpful and full of great advice. I’m just at the point where I don’t know what to do anymore, and my friends feel like they can’t always see things from an objective position, so here goes.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 1/2 years. He’s quite a bit older than me (I’m 25, he just turned 38). The age difference doesn’t bother me. I was raised an only child, and I’m used to being with people older than me and matured quickly. That said, he was my first “real” relationship. But he’s had several serious girlfriends before me.
He took me to a ring shop and we picked out a ring almost exactly two years ago. A month or so later, he took me in to pick out the middle stone, since it was a sapphire and they come in different colors. Either way, he’s purchased the ring and has had it ever since.
We moved in together almost two years ago. I had thought he would have proposed after I graduated college, but that didn’t happen. He just hasn’t asked. Now we are both back in school, getting our master’s in the same program, and we almost broke up about a month ago, after I thought that I couldn’t take it anymore, feeling like he maybe didn’t love me, the way I love him. Since our talk, he’s been more lovey-dovey and says he will ask soon. But this has all happened before.
I know the answer probably seems clear cut. But let me tell you a few other things, his father abandoned him and his mother and sister when he was five, and he hasn’t seen him since. His mother has since had a string of horrible marriages, until about 10 years ago. He’s an absolutely sweet man, and there’s not a mean bone in his body. I know he loves me, but I don’t feel like we love each other the same. He’s my very best friend in the whole world, and people always comment about how crazy good we get along, and I love him and feel like I have to take care of him, that he needs me.
The thing is, that I feel like my feelings might have changed, is this possible? I feel like I’ve been expecting him to pop the question for two years, and every special occassion or outing or anything that passes is kind of a painful reminder that he still hasn’t asked me. There was a time that I was crazy about him, but I feel that because I’ve waited so long that I’ve had to shut out the part of my brain that thinks “This is the man I will marry someday” because it’s just hurts so darn bad to think about, and to know that the ring is in the apartment but not on my hand. I’m at a loss, we’ve talked about this several times and nothing’s changed, and I don’t want to give an ultamatum, because if he wants to ask, he’ll ask, right?
He tells me that he hadn’t asked yet, because he remembers being my age and said that he went through a change and he didn’t want me to feel tied down. I think it’s kind of a lame excuse because I AM tied down, we share a lease, I know he has a ring, so I feel tied to him even though he hasn’t officially asked. And when I tried to break up with him last month, he said he thought that “we were in this for the long haul.” If we are, then what the heck is going on?