Post # 1
So, here’s a little of our back story. We met a year and a half ago online, and he just graduated from college and got an amazing job, I’m in my junior year, so we’re both very young. We’d talked about getting engaged and even though our situation draws a lot of criticism, we agreed the timing was fine and he was excited about the idea.
We picked out an AMAZING moissanite ring and had talked about getting engaged when I got home from my study abroad. The other day we were talking and he dropped the bomb that he wants to wait until a year after I’ve graduated to get engaged. This is another two and a half to three years of waiting, and then another at least two years until the actual wedding.
I know that I’m young and probably should have expected it, but I’m so disappointed. How do you deal with the disappointment and additional two years of waiting?
Post # 3
Yikes I’m sure that is extremely disappointing. Did you recently discuss getting engaged once you are home from study abroad? I’m wondering how long ago it was that you discussed getting engaged versus now saying it will be 2-3 years of waiting. Is it possible that someone (his parents, a friend) expressed concern about you both being so young or your “situation” (you mentioned it draws a lot of criticism) during the period between discussing timelines.
Also, if you don’t mind me asking, what about your situation draws criticism? Is it because you are young, or because you met online (I know a ton of bees have met their SO online!!)? Is this something that could give him pause about proposing at this time?
I think you should talk to him and try to figure out what made him change his timeline so drastically compared to what you had previously discussed. It’s ok to be unsure or nervous about an engagement; it’s a huge step! Just talk to him and find out what’s going on. If you need support, the ‘Bee has got your back! Hang in there
Post # 4
@timeofmylife: It’s because we’re so young that people think we can’t possibly want to get married. He’s embarrassed to tell people that we met online, even though it was a college dating site. We were just talking about getting engaged a few days ago and I got so excited. I’d been looking at rings off and on but then I found the PERFECT one and it made me really want to go for it.
I think he doesn’t want his family to judge us because we’re young and I’m his first real relationship. He also doesn’t want a long engagement, which I’d prefer.
Post # 5
@musician32992: this happened to me when I met my SO. About a yr after we met I was already thinking about engagement I thought things would move fast because I could see how we felt about each other. When I brought it up he told me that no he would need at least 2 years to be with someone before he would consider engagement. I was crushed. Thinking about dating another year and then another year for engagement was devestating considering I would never live with someone before marriage so that meant at least another 2 years apart.
I respected him though and I waited. Another year and a half to be exact. We’ve been together 2.5 years now and I think we’ll be getting engaged any day now. It was a hard time but I focused on getting to know his family and him getting to know mine. I tried to have fun we took a few trips together and I could feel us growing together even more as the time passed. I know now that we will make it through thick and thin once we are married. We make an amazing team been through alot in the extra year and a half and its solidified our relationship. I know how hard it is but the time really does pass. I can’t beleive how fast the last yr and a half have gone!
Post # 6
All I have to say is life is not a sprint towards a wedding–you’re young, you’re still in school, I’m presuming you don’t live together—the timing may not be right at this moment. Maybe it will be right after you graduate, maybe it’ll be right a year after that, I don’t know but I do know that it seems like he has legitimate reasons to be wary about jumping into engagement–it doesn’t seem like he’s just trying to dodge making a commitment
Post # 7
@athame1983: Oh, I know his reasons are legitimate. It’s just disappointing to get so excited and then have it taken away.
Post # 8
@musician32992: I understand–maybe he just got carried away with the momentum and emotions of it all –and then reality set in that he doesn’t feel prepared to move on to this next step—I know a lot of guys need to feel like they are squared away financially or career wise before they make that step.
Post # 9
honestly i would just enjoy the time togethter and know that its gonna happen when it happens.
me and my fiancee have been together since we were 17, and it took 6.5 yrs for him to ask me – i was starting to panic! but we were stil so young (he proposed when i was 24) and there was really no rush.
i think its ideal to actually take time to get to know each other properly. they say u never really know someone until u have been through some rough times and come out better off.
good luck! just know that it wil happen!!!! and when it does there wil be no critism etc!!! 😀
Post # 10
It’s definitely disappointing, but those two years will fly by. Just enjoy the time you have with him now, and get to know him even better.
We went through the same situation as you, except flipped. I met my SO in early 2009. I was 20 and after a year of dating, he was ready to marry me. I told him I wanted to wait for various reasons (careers, maturity, age, etc.). I am now almost 24, and so much has changed in the past 3-4 years, that if we got engaged, I sincerely question if we’d be together today because of the obstacles we’ve faced. We are finally at the point in our life where we are looking to get engaged in probably 8-9 months.
I guess my best advice to you is enjoy the time you two are BF/GF. It goes by so fast, and while marriage seems so exciting, build that relationship between you two and take the time to really get to know each other/learn to deal with each other’s quirks. 2 years seems so long, but compared to 50 years married, it’s so petty. In the meantime, have fun looking at engagement rings!
Post # 11
We were discussing marriage when we’d been together only a few months! We met online (I still struggle to admit it to people) and the other day I actually came across something he wrote on a forum saying that he knew he’d marry me, but we’d have to wait a few years until we’d finished school.
That was in 2009!
As much as I was excited, knowing that it would happen eventually (we always dicussed this would be the year it happened) made the past 3 years SO easy. It’s only now that it’s soooooooo close that I’m starting to get antsy!
(ETA: we discussed a ring all those years ago and boy am I glad we didn’t get it! I have changed my mind so much since then! Glad I had time to think it through this time!)
Post # 12
I mean, waiting is hard, I’m the first to admit that. But what is the rush to get engaged and married if you are really young? Just enjoy being together, and setting up the bones of a great relationship and future marriage now.
Post # 13
Aw, two to three years isn’t so bad. (Think of how much time you’ll have to save for a wedding. 🙂 I know it’s disappointing, but you guys know you’re planning on getting married, it’s not like you’re waiting for him to make up his mind, so just relax and enjoy the next couple years.
Mr. E and I met online years ago. So many years. I used to be embarrassed to say it, but now *everybody* is meeting online. People ask how we met, and I say, “Oh yeah, we met on this website,” and it’s like this huge sigh of relief and whoever I’m talking to says, “Oh yeah, we met on Facebook!” (Or Match, or Eharmony, or OKCupid, or …) Maybe this gets more common as you get older, though, because it does get a lot harder to meet people after college, but even with young people, everyone is so much online now, that it’s likely that people meet on the internet through a mutual facebook friend or something before they meet in person anyway.