We seem to ALL go through it..What is it with MILs!?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@helpabeeoutplease:  I’m so thankful I don’t have a problem with my FMIL. I’m not technically engaged yet, but she absolutely loves me and she’s happy about us getting married eventually. 

Post # 5
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My FML is awesome! My mom lives thousands of miles away, and I appretiate my FML’s help with planning the wedding. She’s not trying to get her way or anything like that. Just gives me ideas and brainstormes with me. She even found THE dress. Funny because I had only like 4 pictures of some dresses on my phone that I really liked, I never showed them to her, and when we went dress shopping she pulled out one dress, and when I put it on I relized it was one of the 4 dresses I had on my phone, and I fell in love with it 🙂 

Sorry to hear you are going through that. Maybe grab a coffee with her and have a small talk about how you feel to clear things out ? 

Post # 6
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Ugh, totally with you! My FMIL got so bad that my FFIL and FSIL had to talk to her repeatedly about how she was treating me.  Now she mostly keeps quiet, but she’s been so horrible to me that it will take me a long time to get over everything.  I know she’ll never apologize.  I have major anxiety for days leading up to when I’m going to see her. FI and I are planning on going to couples therapy to learn how to better deal with the issue.  It’s partly freeing to know that she would hate ANYONE marrying her son, but at the same time it’s so frustrating because I know there’s nothing I can do to make things better.

Post # 7
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@helpabeeoutplease:  my boyfriend of four years proposed on Christmas Eve, and mine and my FMIL’s relationship had been so great. I’m already noticing little things changing… He is her only son, and she has always been very protective of him. I hope it JUST remains being little things and that we don’t eventually resent each other, because I love her dearly!

Post # 8
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My FMIL is great. She is always saying how happy she is that her son found someone so great that makes him happy. (She says the same thing about FI’s brother, too) She is helpful without being overbearing and she always invites me over whether or not FI will be with me. In fact, I just went to the zoo with FMIL, FBIL, FBIL’s FI, and FI’s grandparents (all without FI!). It was pretty fun! His family has accepted me into theirs pretty seamlessly. She is genuinely happy for both of us. I feel very lucky. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

My MIL is fine! My FIL was a FIL nightmare monster during planning.

Post # 10
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

It doesn’t get easier once your married. My MIL has told my husband repeatedly that “you’ll only ever have one mother but you can always have another wife”. This may be fact but it’s one of MANY guilt techniques she uses to get her way.

She is a real doozy, lots of mind games, guilt trips etc. Thankfully my husband is hip to her game.

 

Post # 11
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

 I think this may be a case of seeing what you’re looking for. Because I haven’t had any issues with anyof myin-laws. And most of my friend’s get Long with their in-laws as well. Sorry your FMIL is being a pain, but it isn’t all in laws!

Post # 12
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My FMIL is a sweet and kind woman.  A week before my fiance proposed she was like, “It’s time to propose, you two are always together”. Lol.  Little did she know that he was planning to propose soon after that. 🙂  She’s really happy to see her son get married and she’s easy to get along with.  I’m really blessed.  My fiance on the other hand, wow, his FMIL (ie my mother) is just… *sigh* All I can say is it’s great that she lives in another country, he doesn’t have to deal with her in person.

Post # 13
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My FMIL is amazing, even through the wedding planning so far.  I’m sorry you’re having issues with yours though! I’m sure one of those reasons applies. I guess I suggest just “killing it with kindness”? As in, the more of a pain she is, the nicer and sweeter you are? Nothing makes irritable people madder than when you just keep getting nicer to them no matter what they do. 

Post # 14
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@helpabeeoutplease:  My mother’s advice for me before I got married was “for some mothers, there will never be a woman good enough for her son”. My grandmother was a bitch to my mum when she and my dad first started dating, and my ex’s mother was absolutely poisonous. My MIL is a bit odd, but she’s not too bad (we don’t see her much though which suits both of us). 

I guess some husbands/SOs might feel the same way about their FILs if their wife is a real ‘daddy’s girl’? My dad and I don’t have that sort of relationship, and he loves DH, but I can definitely see some dads being very overprotective of their daughters to the husband’s detriment.

Post # 15
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

my FMIL is nice when we are states away, but gets slightly bitchy when we see eachother in person. We both try, but I still think she doesn’t want to give away her son!

Post # 16
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@helpabeeoutplease:  I have no issues what so ever with MIL she is a dream.  Both my FIL and MIL are awesome… so I can’t relate

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