- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
hi bees! I’m still very new at this, so I thought maybe your words of wisdom could help me deal with this with a little more grace than I currently feel like exhibiting:
FI and I spent a lot of time checking with immediate family members about our final list of dates. we agonized between two dates and finally decided on one in September, and were so excited to have “our date” and start booking things. I started moving forward with all the vendors I liked, and although we haven’t signed the venue contract yet, we have a hold on our date. another couple now has a hold on the other date.
now, FMIL suddenly doesn’t want us to go with our chosen date. the reason is that she and FFIL will be in Europe the week before for an important work event on his part, and she thinks that getting home (New York) on a Sunday when the wedding is the following Friday is absolutely not enough “turnaround time.” this other event has been planned for like 2 years, so fair enough, but FMIL’s objections to our wedding date didn’t come up before (we ran this date by his parents twice before we made our final decision).
so my questions for you:
1. what things are there for the mothers to do in the week before the wedding? we have a wedding planner and our venue takes care of basically everything. I have no bridal party, no veil, no DIY favors, and I already have my dress and shoes. I just can’t imagine her needing to be there before Monday or Tuesday (rehearsal dinner is on Thursday), but maybe there’s something I’m just not thinking of?
2. am I being just as unreasonable as she is, to not want to change our date just because she thinks 4 days is too little turnaround time* (considering that she has 8 months to plan whatever this “turnaround” is going to entail)? FI and I can’t do any earlier dates, and the next available date after our preferred one is a month later. I hate the idea of picking a date that is on average 10 degrees colder (venue has a terrace we’d love to be able to use, and we want to do pics outside) and is during a month when I’m much busier at work, unless we absolutely have to.
3. are there any other bees out there with reassuring stories about having to change your date after you already started getting excited about (and planning for) it? I know it could end up being awful weather on our original date and perfectly sunny on our new date, but I’m afraid that if it’s the other way around, I’ll be resentful about having had to change, on top of the usual wedding stress.
I do realize that this is really NOT a very big problem in the grand scheme of things, and if a family member was actually *busy* during our chosen weekend I would have no problem moving to a later date. I think it’s the fact that FMIL just doesn’t LIKE the idea of having two big events on subsequent weekends that is making me feel so resistant here.
thanks for any advice you can give me!
*side note: FI’s main worry about just telling her to suck it up and keeping our date is that FMIL will say, “okay, then I just won’t go to Europe.” but the trip is a big deal for FFIL, and although he would never say so, we know it means a lot to him to have his wife beside him (totally understandably!) for his big event. I would feel really guilty if my stubbornness about keeping my preferred date ruined what should be a wonderful week for FFIL, who is awesome and has only ever said “this is your day, and you should do what makes both of you happiest.”