(Closed) We took a break…FI may have dated and I can't get over it.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Were you allowed to date other people during the break?  I guess I would have to know that first.

Post # 5
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Okay.  Well if you believe he is honest with you and you trust him, your only real issue is this girl has a crush on him.  I assume he is not actually friends with her on FB, you just see these comments through his friend – correct?  If that’s the case & your FI is not reciprocating any of these comments, my suggestion would be to block her so you cannot see them.  And maybe ask your FI to do that too so that you can adjust (especially if they are not friends, I am not sure why this would be an issue for him.)

Honey if you want to be with him and you’re happy he came back to you (because it sounded like he super wanted to) you have got to be 100% present in your relationship today.  You took the break for a reason, he socialized more with friends.  He’s right that he cannot help if the girl likes him, and you cannot either.  But you can move forward.

Post # 6
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Even if he did “date” her, I would try to move past it. What difference does it make now? In this moment, he came back to you– and only you.

My best friend was passionately in love with a man who got cold feet and left her. He was gone for 3 months, and then came back with his tail between his legs. They got married a year later and they are blissfully happy. He needed the wakeup call, and he got it.

If he treats you well now, and loves you and wants to be with you– then let this go. You don’t even have proof that he did date her. I wouldn’t even consider it cheating if you were broken up. Don’t drive this man away over suspicion of something that MAY have happened when you were on a break. It’s not worth it.

Post # 7
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Do you have reason not to trust him?  Just because he is in photos with another girl doesn’t necessarily mean he was “with” her.

Honestly, I would probably be upset too, but you 2 were on a “break”.  He came back to you, right?  He chose you!

If you constantly nag him about this, it will cause problems in your relationship.  Since it sounds like you’re on delicate ground to begin with, I would not question him any more about it.  You asked, he answered.  If you have trust issues that go beyond these pictures, that’s something that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.

 

Post # 8
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Get off FB.  FB causes more problems than it’s worth and you’re spending all your time reliving this.  Go outside and do something, stop FB stalking.  He answered your questions you either believe him or you don’t.   You’re going to drive a wedge and you don’t want that.  You two are a team now. 

Post # 9
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You were on a break when/if that happened so you can’t be mad about it. However, you are back together now and she needs to respect that. If she isn’t able to, and keeps on with the flirting, then your FI needs to cutoff contact. everything should come from him though. Besides, it shouldn’t be any issue for him since it was a friend of a friend. If he’s committed to you and making your relationship work, he should be willing to do this for you.

Post # 10
Member
5007 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Delete her from your facebook and ask your FI to do the same. 

Post # 12
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

To me, there doesn’t seem to any indication of him dating her. And there’s nothing wrong with her flirting, especially if she thought he was a single and available guy. However, now that the two of you are back together, she shouldn’t be flirting with him, and he may have to say something if a line is crossed.

If she flirts with him, and he wanted to get back together with you, you have nothing to worry about. He’s chosen to be with YOU! And if he knows you’re not comfortable with her, he should be able to respect that and avoid being around her if he can.

Don’t turn something into an issue if it doesn’t have to be! Enjoy your relationship.

Post # 13
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I see this from the other side because DH and i broke up for 3 months and i was the one who “dated” someone else, although nothing even close to serious. I was honest from moment it pretty much happened and it really hurt him, but he didnt deserve to be lied to

i dont know if it was paranioa, but upon getting back together it was me stalking his facebook.  He has a lot of girl friends, always has, and i was being a jealous crazy person. I knew i needed to take a step back and just stop looking for things. He is a trustworthy person and it was me being a psycho. Its been over a year andi feel like a totally different person. I don’t go searching for things, the only time i go to his page is to post something.

I feel like now we have so much of a better relationship. You have to trust him, even though that means putting yourself out there to get hurt. 

Post # 14
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Tread lightly here. This is supposed to be a fresh start, not the beginning of another break.

Post # 15
Member
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Maybe I’m crazy!

But I’m TOTALLY suspicious!

If FI had known this girl for a while, “took a break” from “us”, was suddenly tagged in a bunch of pictures with her, then nothing developed between them and he came back, I would be PARANOID that he only came back because she didn’t want him!

I’m sure I’m just being cray cray (I am one of those crazy jealous types).

But if something in your head is sending off MAJOR red flags, you should listen to them!

Post # 16
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You are definitely being paranoid about this. If he says he didn’t date her, and hasn’t done or said anything to the contrary, then this is really an issue of your own trust in him. Is he being secretive about it, or do you think he’s lying? If not, I don’t see why you’re still worried about whether or not they dated on your ‘break.’

The other issue seems to be her comments on FB. Ask him to make it so she can’t comment on them anymore! Either that, or he needs to TELL this girl that it’s inappropriate, because he is TAKEN. Does he ever tell her to stop? Does he reply to her? Does she know you two are together? I would imagine that she’s aware that he is with you, and that she’s crossing the line. HE needs to stop it. You should both delete her from FB, especially if she continues this kind of behavior after he talks to her about it.

 

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