Post # 1
We’ve had this discussion before. The mister and I, that is. And we initially thought it a good idea to seriously consider a prenup given where each of us are in our lives. However, after some research, I’ve learned that the prenup is not necessary if you only want to prevent the other party from having any interest or claiming a community property interest in your separate property. Now, separate property is any property acquired before (and after) the marriage. community property is all property acquired after during the marriage. So, we’ve decided to say NO to the prenup. In California there are a lot of requirements to writing an enforceable prenup. The cost and time it would take to have something like that done was just not worth that piece of paper. I’ve decided to create a trust for the benefit of my children and put all of my separate property into the trust. I have to remember not to comingle any community property (including my salary) with the trust or the separate property. So, the issue with my house and whether or not I should sale it or keep it post marriage is likely going to be sale BEFORE the marriage. The money will go into the trust for my kids and will be used to maintain the rest of the pre-marital property (i.e. stocks, IRA, etc.).
I am not worried about this too much anymore. In the beginning I was a little forceful on this topic given the issues with my starter marriage and that divorce. I didn’t want to put my kids through losing everything like that again. However, now, I’m more comfortable with the idea of not signing the prenup and going with my heart and the realization that WE’RE NOT GETTING DIVORCED!!! This marriage is going to last beyond our deaths. He and I are met to be together. And God forbide, if for whatever reason things change (because people do change) and it is a change he can’t deal with (I know I can deal with most changes) and we’re headed to divorce court. As heart broken as I’ll be, I know that I’ll be okay with us splitting the community property 50/50 if I know my kids’ rights are being protected by the trust.
So, that was pretty long. And I hope it was just a bunch of blah blah blah for you bees. What do you all think about a prenup? Have you discussed this with your SO?
Post # 3
Also I would just note for everyone that the law regarding marital/community/individual property differs from state to state.
Post # 4
I hate the idea, honestly.
Anyone I’m marrying better trust me fully and not think that there would ever be a need for a prenup.
Post # 5
FI and I don’t have any assets to have a prenup over, but if we did, I would definitely consider one. Yes I love FI and want to be with him forever, etc. etc. etc. but things happen and you have to protect yourself.
Post # 6
@chicagowife – Yes, it differs with each state. California is a community property state and public policy is always in favor of marriage in California, so a prenup is not something the courts really like, so they make it difficult to actually have one that is enforceable. If you’re in a community property state, everything acquired during the marriage is split 50/50. If you’re in a non-community property state, the court generally makes and equitable split of all the property (acquired during or before the marriage). REMEMBER TO GET LEGAL ADVICE FROM AN ATTORNEY LICENSED IN YOUR STATE BEFORE SIGNING A PRENUP. DON’T RELY ON THE INTERNET OR POST ON WEDDINGBEE.
Post # 7
I think we will probably do a prenup for several reasons. First, generally, I think it is a good idea to sit down and decide what is fair when you are speaking to someone you still love. Divorce is so emotional it seems people lose their heads and often act irrational.
Also, for us specifically, because I am an independent contractor with my business, I have some liability issues that my FI does not have. We are going to look into how a prenup may help protect our joint assets from my personal liability.
Post # 8
Mr. Cosmo and I are not doing a prenup. We have discussed it, considered the options, and in the end decided that it was not something that we wanted to do.
Caveat: While the above-posted information regarding pre- and post-marital (or community) property may be applicable for the state of California, I do want to emphasize that every state has different laws governing marriages (both actual and common law)/divorces/community property, etc. 🙂
Post # 9
i think getting a prenup is mature and smart, in certain situations. for us it just isn’t necessary, neither of us has anything to protect!! if we did we would have probably discussed it.
i don’t think it necessarily has anything to do with trust. you never know what might happen in a relationship and how messy things could get, regardless of how much love was there in the beginning!
Post # 10
@hotchildinthecity – I totally agree with you. We just found a way to protect my premarital assets without the need of a prenup. It just wasn’t really going to do us any good. It wasn’t worth the cost. However, Mister was willing to sign one.
Post # 11
We never considered it because divorce isn’t an option to us.
Post # 12
Like Hotchildinthecity, we don’t have any assets either LOL! I considered a prenup because he is going back to school and I don’t want anything to do with the student loans he is about to take out. But I am pretty sure this would have freaked him out to the point of possibly calling off the wedding so I decided not to pursue it. He already feels that I am not “fully committed” since I am keeping my name, imagine if I was keeping my money too!
Post # 13
I would have no issues signing one and my SO would have no issues signing one either.
I find them completely necessarily in some cases…what if one person is worth millions of dollars and the other, maybe 40K? I’d get a prenup JUST in case…just in case. If I was worth pennies and my husband was a millionaire, I’d sign it because I’d be in the mindset that if we got divorced, I don’t want to “win” with his money. I don’t need his money. If i was the millionaire, I’d feel foolish for not having one and then my ex-husband benefiting from us splitting up by him taking half my money. And family businesses—some things need to be completely separate from your marriage. The divorce rate IS high…i just don’t want to look back someday and go “hindsight is 20/20…boy i made a BIG mistake” ya know? You never know. I’m not immune enough to think i’m invincible.
What we earn separately stays separate unless someone decides to combine. But what you earn jointly is split jointly.
I feel with my heart and I think with my ever-so-logical head. My SO doesn’t care–his attitude is, “cool, we’ll never need it and if it’ll make you/your parents feel better, I’m fine with it”. Not even offended.
The only people i’ve ever met in real life who would be offended are the ones who are worth less than their SO’s. I think they’re worried they’ll be taken advantage of? I’m not sure. I know my mom was initially offended when she married my dad (dad was rich, mom was dirt poor) and now that she’s come so far with my dad, she understands why he presented one to her.
Plus prenups can be so much more than money.
Post # 14
um YEAH. We both have private businesses. M has an LLC and I am a sole proprietor and next year will become an LLC. I definitely say YES to prenups because I don’t feel that I am entitled to any of his assets and I don’t feel that he is entitled to any of mine, thus far especially business-wise. My business is just beginning and is thriving generally, his is doing well as well. However we are both broke so it would only apply to our businesses. I wouldn’t mind a prenup where after a number of years we are entitled to x percent of the earnings. Now I also wouldn’t mind a prenup where if we made a certain amount of money during our years together the spouse would be entitled to that. Even if he never sets foot in my business or helps with anything, every day there is still taking away from our time together and things I feel that I should do as a wife or vice versa, for that I think each should be entitled to a certain percentage, I suppose it’s something like earning ability or something like that. But I think it’s in the best interest of us both and I know he is quite surprised that I believe in prenups etc, but coming from a divorced home and being in several broken engagements, this stuff hits close to home.
Post # 15
We won’t have one because neither of our financial positions requires one – but if our situations were different, I definitely would consider one (signing one, or asking FH to sign one).
I don’t think looking into or being asked to sign a prenup has anything to do with how much you love or trust someone. I know a lot of people who say if you trust your partner, you won’t ask them to sign a prenup…but (devil’s advocate) if YOU trust your partner completely, why wouldn’t you sign one?
If you never get divorced, then it’s nothing more than another piece of paper in the safe (or wherever you keep important papers). I dunno, it wouldn’t be a big deal to me at all to be asked to sign a prenup.
Post # 16
@ejs4y8 – I don’t think it is only the SO coming into the marrige with nothing that is offended. I have a very good friend, she’s a doctor, who was engaged to a lawyer, until he demanded a prenup. She is so against them because she believes they prepare for the end of the marriage. She was offended that he thought she’d take him to the cleaners if they divorced. I tried to explain that it would protect her as well. She didn’t buy it. She was offended he would ask her, a doctor with her own money and other assets (more than him, by the way) to sign a prenup. needless to say, they could never agree on the prenup and they called the engagement off. This happened very recently and I think they’ll likely work it out because they both miss each other like crazy and still talk like every day. But, it did cause a huge problem in their relationship. She was really upset and offended that he would ask a woman like her for a prenup.