Post # 1
From New York!
My husband works from home at an amazing company where he can transfer almost anywhere….he goes on site visits a lot for what he does, so it would need to just be in an area where they have offices.
California is a big area for his company, and we’ve talked about moving there even though we’ve never been there before. We weighed the pro’s and con’s and even though there’s more pro’s….
The big con is, his family.
We’re due in September, and he’s extremely close with his parents. I would love nothing more than for them to be in our lives with the baby as grandparents…but I feel like I’m sacrificing the chance to move just because his parents live here.
How do people move away, let alone across the country from their parents?
Are we going to be in New York FOREVER?? We’re renting at the moment, and have the means to buy a house, but we haven’t pulled the trigger because we both can’t see ourselves living here for the long term.
What did you guys do when you moved far away from family? How did you make it possible?
We’re thinking about renting there to make sure we like it, and get a feel for where in Cali we’d like to plant roots.
I wish we could just tag his parents along with us, because that’s literally the only thing stopping us.
Post # 3
We live across the country from family, but we don’t have kids yet. It’s something we think about a lot! I think we would be ok having our first kid here, but if/when we have two, I’d like to be settled and not move around when they’re in school. I really like where we live and it’s WAY more affordable than Southern California, which is where we would go, but my family is there and his is in the neighboring state. It’s a tough call! Where in CA would you go and would it be long-term?
Post # 4
What do his parents think about moving? I ask because that is what my mom and I did. We’ve always said that when she retired, she’d move to where I am. So about 5 years ago when she retired, she moved about 35 minutes away from me.
So maybe his parents would be up for it 🙂
Post # 5
We live in a different country than both our sets of parents (who each live in a different part of the same country). We like our families well enough but are not particularly close to either of them, although our daughter is close to our parents, especially mine. We’ve lived away from my parents for about 5 years now and away from his parents for about a year.
Creating a bond between kids and grandparents does take more work when you live far away but it’s not impossible (I grew up several thousands of miles away from mine). It’s also easier when the child is older, obviously. Our daughter is old enough to fly to see her grandparents so she does that usually once or twice a year, and my parents come to see us about once a year. They skype all the time.
I personally wouldn’t let having family around keep me from moving where I would prefer to live, provided that jobs were available in the area I wanted to move. We will probably never live in the same country as our parents again and our next child will likely have a different kind of relationship with their grandparents than our daughter does now. In our case, it makes visiting grandma and grandpa more special – it’s usually for a holiday, they do lots of exciting things together, and it’s a break from boring mom and dad. There are a lot of benefits to having family around when you first have a baby, for sure, but for us the pros far out-weighed the cons (except the cost of international flights…).
Post # 6
@RunnerBride13: It could literally be anywhere in Cali…his company is really big there. He works with telecommunication antennas and towers.
Post # 7
@BellaDee: Hmm, well it could make a big difference in your happiness if you like where you live! I would do some research and see if the benefits outweigh the fact that you won’t have family there. CA is very different from NY!!
Post # 8
Haven’t done it yet, but we’re in a similar situation. We want to get away from where we are now mostly because of the awful, long winters.
It’s tough.. but like you say, you can’t let one thing stop you.
I’m trying to look on the bright side.. like there’s email and Skype. There are visits to plan and look forward to. Absence makes the heart grow fonder etc.
Post # 9
@BellaDee: After we are married, I will be moving to the US Virgin Islands from Australia… so NY to Cali isn’t horribly far. Be thankful you’re at least in the same country/continent/hemisphere!
Post # 10
@BellaDee: I moved from CA to MA almost 4 years ago. Not gonna lie, it’s gotten harder to be away from home for me, mostly because I always planned to move back to California once I finished grad school here but DH is a MA boy, ha (and his mother HATES CA but that is a whole different story). We do intend to move to CA though in the next few years because neither of us see ourselves ever settling down here in MA.
I think the key thing if he is really close to his family is making sure you are intentional about planning visits, skype and phone calls. Right now I can only afford to visit about 1x a year, but DH and I plan to visit more once I work FT. Also, if they are that close, I’m sure they will make an effort to try and visit you both as well.I think if CA is a great opportunity, you should take it. It’s not like you’ll never, ever move again or will be stuck there if things arent what you hoped. It will probably be an adjustment because the east coast is TOTALLY different from the west coast.
Post # 11
My DH’s company moved him from CA to NH (and then from NH to here) because it was basically “If you want a job, you’ll go.” My entire family is from here, and his entire family is back in CA. We spend every other Christmas with them, and budget plane tickets and stuff like that so we can make sure to go. Our jobs know this is our arrangement, too, and we save the leave at work and put in for it as early as possible to ensure we’re able to travel to see them. Since the wedding, his parents have talked about coming out here for some Christmases too, so that’s cool. Luckily, DH gets along better with his family being away…Far away, lol. (MIL is crazy and I’d rip out my hair and go postal if I had to deal with her more than a week every other year). But we do call them and do Skype and Facebook and all of that.
CA is VERY EXPENSIVE, so I’d consider that in your move. Though NYC is also very expensive, so…
I moved from here to CO for a couple years back in 2009, and I did it because I was young and stupid and free to do whatever I wanted to, so I did. I wanted a change of landscape, and to escape toxic people in my life. I learned a lot, and I miss the western landscape a lot…But I don’t miss the poverty and lack of educational availability/quality, nor do I miss the rural-ness and lack of urban culture and JOBS!!! I’m glad to be home. That said, since moving away and moving back, my “grass is greener” syndrome has been readjusted and I’ve realized this area isn’t as fabulous as I remembered it being before I left. So I’d pick up and move again. Hopefully to Seattle one day, because I’ve always wanted to go there!
Maybe visit California and look around and get a feel for the areas, where is safe, where there are good schools, what your commute would be like, what the cost of living would be like (Idk about NYC but I know CA has like 9% sales tax, which is more than the 6% I pay here where I live; Not much but adds up over time – especially on something like, say, a house..or a car…or both). See if it’s somewhere you can envision being all the time, and raising your kids, etc.
Edited because I have crappy grammar today.*
Post # 12
@BellaDee: We’re planning a cross-country move ourselves, and I will be leaving my immediately family behind (parents, sister, brother, and four nieces and nephews). We are moving to move closer to his family, because his parents are retired and they will help us raise our children. I’m going to miss my family a ton, but the pros outweigh the cons for us (especially when it comes to childcare).
We’re going to make it work by frequent contact (I talk on the phone with my mom and sister every single day), Skype dates and lots of visits. LOTS of visits.