Post # 1
So when FI and I met, it was love at first sight. From first seeing him, I always imagined marrying him. BUT I always imagined eloping or a small, intimate, romantic wedding with like 40 people there.
So he proposed six months into dating, and I gave him time to just be a fiancé- no planning or anything from me!
So February of this year comes around and I go in to order a dress. I didn’t think anything of it, I didn’t think I was really going to get a dress. But I fell in love with a Casablanca dress, but my heart was still on 40 people watching us walk down the aisle.
He’s always wanted a fairy tale wedding!
Fuck me. So now I found a barn I’m in love with. And he wants 400 people there! Uh no. The barn doesn’t hold 400 F-ING people!
I’m trying to give him everything he wants but it’s hard when my feelings and wants aren’t considered! 🙁
What do I do, do I make it a big fairy tale wedding (money isn’t the problem at all might I add) like he wants or do I put my foot down?
Post # 3
Do you even have 400 people to invite? Youd need like… 500 for that many people to show up! I think you both have to compromise. I was in a similar situation, my fi wanted a big wedding and I wanted something small.. We met in the middle at 70-80 (inviting 90-100).
Post # 4
I would have him write down a list of every name, and then go from there. I do think you need to compromise–it would be a shame if someone truly important to him wasn’t able to attend the wedding–but set a reasonable standard (I need to have met everyone before, or whatever works for you).
Post # 5
Lol! My dad was married four times so I have my mom’s family, a Puerto Rican stepmom (who if you know Puerto Ricans, it’s a BIG family), and then my dad’s family, then a bunch of friends. And that’s just my side! My FI is black so he has all the friends in the world & like 10 aunts who have a few kids each who all have children! I think he wanted to make sure everyone was invited, which is about 400 people but really 325-350 would show! But still, that’s alot of kids and alot of people to talk to in one night! We’re trying to compromise at like 175-200, but he says he hates his side of the guest list because he absolutely wants 200 people on his side! -_-
Post # 6
I’ve heard/read a bride who said this before, “I will not be introducing myself with a wedding dress on.” I loved it! Start cutting the list down to people who you’ve met in person already. Does that help?
Post # 7
Can you have a smaller, family-only 40 person ceremony followed by a HUGE 400 person party reception?
Post # 8
@tobemrstaddesse: So far all you’ve asked is “my way or his way?” You’re getting married, so I’m going to go ahead and say the obvious: Talk it out and compromise. Find out what’s truly important to each of you and try to give where you can, and take where you can’t.
Post # 9
@tobemrstaddesse: I’m sorry, but Groomzilla just popped into my head. lol. A wedding should never be ALL of what one person wants and NONE of what the other person wants. Just like marriage, weddings have compromises.
Post # 10
@stephee: So, his close friends and relatives, who live far away, are not welcome? Rubbish. There will be people at my wedding, who are very close to me, whom my FW has not met, and people close to her whom I have never met. That’s the most absurd criterion I’ve ever heard. Several of my best friends live in Ontario. One lives in Australia. I could go on.
Post # 11
As a Bee with 400 guests, let me tell you it’s alot of work. You’ve got to be ok with whatever number you and your fiance decide or you’re going to be miserable planning the wedding.
I agreed to a large wedding, because it is being done on my terms. FH is super understanding about my needs and wants, so he let me plan it my way. We talked about it alot and had to reach a compromise so we both could be happy. We also came up with a sound financial plan to be able to pull it off, since the wedding is sponsored by just the two of us.
There’s alot that goes into these large weddings, so sit down and have a good conversation with him. Let him know where you are coming from and you two have to find a good middle ground that works.
While planning has been alot of work, FH and I have become so close during this process. Also, I am having an absolute ball planning this party that’s enough to fit a whole city, LOL. I’m looking forward to seeing how it turns out!!!
Post # 12
@Duncan: I totally agree with you on this. I have a few close cousins that live out of state and FI has never met. They will absolutely be invited to our wedding. And I haven’t met any of FMIL’s family. How terrible would it be if we said none of them could come? No way. FI will invite any family members that he wants (although we’re trying to stick to our aunts and uncles and first cousins, because we have big families).
OP I think you and your FI need to create your ultimate guest list, and then determine a way to cut some people. You want a small, initimate wedding, and your FI wants an enourmous wedding. You’ll need to find a way to compromise on this and find some happy medium.
Post # 13
@BrandNewBride: I second this. I heard of a bride who wanted a small, intimate wedding but because both her and her FI had a lot of friends and family who expected to attend, planning got out of hand and the wedding became something totally different from her original vision. So she had a very private wedding at the beach with just their immediate family, just like she wanted, followed by a large party for everyone else after!
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@tobemrstaddesse: 400 people is a huge wedding! Just saying hi to 400 people will take hours. He just wants 400 people to show off to and party with so I do get where he’s coming from, but good Lord 400?
If he refuses to compromise I highly recommend hiring a wedding planner to take over planning duties. The sheer logistics of planning a wedding for 400 guests just boggles my mind, especially since you aren’t going to know more than half of them. So you’re going to spend your entire night being introduced to 200+ people you don’t know and are unlikely to remember the next day. Ugh.
I think the best compromise is to elope or have a private ceremony with your nearest/dearest and then throw a big wedding party a few weeks/months later for the 400 guests he wants. That way you both get what you want.
Post # 15
Okay, where to start! Lol thanks everyone for your replies!
@stephee: I want to read that! Is it on here or shall I google? I have met his family here (Sacramento) but not any if they live in the Bay Area or wherever else! The people that live anywhere else are grandparents or cousins. So maybe exclude cousins but not grandparents?
@BrandNewBride: ummmm. We might if I can find a cheap ceremony place? We don’t belong to a church but trying to. He wanted everyone to see us be fiancés to man & wife :/ I’ll definitely try to convince him though! Wish me luck!
@Duncan: sorry, I put it on the poll to talk it out. Thank you for your advice from a man’s perspective. We’re going to have a lonnnng talk after we review a potential venue this Thursday!
@Pretty_Chick: aw I’m so glad you and your soon to be hubby got closer and are pulling it off. Like I said in above comments, we’re going to talk it out after we review this venue that I’m in loooooove with, problem is it only holds like 250 people 🙁
@pineapplez17: yes, we are going to write a guest list out then (as rude as it sounds) cut out the people we haven’t seen in over three years or whoever has talked bad about my FI or I.
@Pisces: maybe I’ll look into that! Hmmm if only FI didn’t need everyone to witness us jumping the broom and kissing and walking down the aisle as Mr and Mrs!
@beachbride1216: lol I love that. “Saying hi to 400 people, half of which you aren’t going to remember!” that’s exactly what I told FI and he’s like well we’ll make time to say hi. Uhhhh you do that! With this venue I love comes a professional wedding planner! So hopefully FI loves it as much as I do?
Post # 16
@tobemrstaddesse: I hope it goes well on Thursday!!! If FI likes it then at least there will be some compromise on the wedding, as there should be! Good luck and I really hope you don’t have to say Hi to 400 people.