We want two different things? Kinda long rant :/

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What do I do about the fact I don't want 400 people?!?!
    Put your foot down for what you want. : (9 votes)
    18 %
    Try to make it between 40 and 400 people. : (39 votes)
    78 %
    Do what he wants. : (0 votes)
    Other- explain below. : (2 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    898 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Do you even have 400 people to invite? Youd need like… 500 for that many people to show up! I think you both have to compromise. I was in a similar situation, my fi wanted a big wedding and I wanted something small.. We met in the middle at 70-80 (inviting 90-100).

    Post # 4
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I would have him write down a list of every name, and then go from there.  I do think you need to compromise–it would be a shame if someone truly important to him wasn’t able to attend the wedding–but set a reasonable standard (I need to have met everyone before, or whatever works for you).

    Post # 6
    1103 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I’ve heard/read a bride who said this before, “I will not be introducing myself with a wedding dress on.”  I loved it!  Start cutting the list down to people who you’ve met in person already.  Does that help?


    Post # 7
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Can you have a smaller, family-only 40 person ceremony followed by a HUGE 400 person party reception?

    Post # 8
    3249 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @tobemrstaddesse:  So far all you’ve asked is “my way or his way?”  You’re getting married, so I’m going to go ahead and say the obvious: Talk it out and compromise.  Find out what’s truly important to each of you and try to give where you can, and take where you can’t.

    Post # 9
    3394 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @tobemrstaddesse:  I’m sorry, but Groomzilla just popped into my head. lol. A wedding should never be ALL of what one person wants and NONE of what the other person wants. Just like marriage, weddings have compromises. 

    Post # 10
    3249 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @stephee:  So, his close friends and relatives, who live far away, are not welcome?  Rubbish.  There will be people at my wedding, who are very close to me, whom my FW has not met, and people close to her whom I have never met.  That’s the most absurd criterion I’ve ever heard.  Several of my best friends live in Ontario.  One lives in Australia.  I could go on.

    Post # 11
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    As a Bee with 400 guests, let me tell you it’s alot of work. You’ve got to be ok with whatever number you and your fiance decide or you’re going to be miserable planning the wedding.

    I agreed to a large wedding, because it is being done on my terms. FH is super understanding about my needs and wants, so he let me plan it my way. We talked about it alot and had to reach a compromise so we both could be happy. We also came up with a sound financial plan to be able to pull it off, since the wedding is sponsored by just the two of us.

    There’s alot that goes into these large weddings, so sit down and have a good conversation with him. Let him know where you are coming from and you two have to find a good middle ground that works.

    While planning has been alot of work, FH and I have become so close during this process. Also, I am having an absolute ball planning this party that’s enough to fit a whole city, LOL. I’m looking forward to seeing how it turns out!!!

    Post # 12
    2661 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @Duncan:  I totally agree with you on this. I have a few close cousins that live out of state and FI has never met. They will absolutely be invited to our wedding. And I haven’t met any of FMIL’s family. How terrible would it be if we said none of them could come? No way. FI will invite any family members that he wants (although we’re trying to stick to our aunts and uncles and first cousins, because we have big families).

    OP I think you and your FI need to create your ultimate guest list, and then determine a way to cut some people. You want a small, initimate wedding, and your FI wants an enourmous wedding. You’ll need to find a way to compromise on this and find some happy medium.

    Post # 13
    137 posts
    Blushing bee

    @BrandNewBride:  I second this.  I heard of a bride who wanted a small, intimate wedding but because both her and her FI had a lot of friends and family who expected to attend, planning got out of hand and the wedding became something totally different from her original vision.  So she had a very private wedding at the beach with just their immediate family, just like she wanted, followed by a large party for everyone else after!

    Post # 14
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @tobemrstaddesse:  400 people is a huge wedding!  Just saying hi to 400 people will take hours.  He just wants 400 people to show off to and party with so I do get where he’s coming from, but good Lord 400?

    If he refuses to compromise I highly recommend hiring a wedding planner to take over planning duties.  The sheer logistics of planning a wedding for 400 guests just boggles my mind, especially since you aren’t going to know more than half of them.  So you’re going to spend your entire night being introduced to 200+ people you don’t know and are unlikely to remember the next day.  Ugh.

    I think the best compromise is to elope or have a private ceremony with your nearest/dearest and then throw a big wedding party a few weeks/months later for the 400 guests he wants.  That way you both get what you want.

    Post # 16
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    @tobemrstaddesse:  I hope it goes well on Thursday!!! If FI likes it then at least there will be some compromise on the wedding, as there should be! Good luck and I really hope you don’t have to say Hi to 400 people.

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