Post # 1
It’s a pretty common topic on the Bee: you send out the first round of invites, and realize (through several “no” RSVPs or other factors) that you have more room on the guest list. So, you send out another round of invites a couple of weeks closer to the date. No one is the wiser that they were “B” listed.
Well…Mr. H and I got what I consider “C” listed. His coworker is getting married tomorrow (!!) and Mr. H was like, “Hey man, are you excited? Congrats!” and the coworker goes, “Yeah man, thrilled; if you guys aren’t busy then stop by the reception and have a drink!” Um? Yeah no. I thought that was the lamest thing–you didn’t invite us (which was fine, we aren’t super close with them so no hurt feelings at all), but then you invite us to just stop by the reception like it’s just a bar hop with your friends (and even if it was a bar hop, we were last minute invited)?
I feel like that was rude to us as “guests,” but also I would NEVER show up to a wedding for which I had not received an invitation…especially if I wasn’t invited by the bride. I can just see the post on the Bee about that now: “Wedding Crashers at My Wedding…HUSBAND invited them!!” Count me out.
So, what would YOUR response be to a last minute half ass invite like that? I’m meaning this as a fun discussion; I’m not offended nor is Mr. H. We were both in mutual agreement that we’d find something else to do tomorrow besides “stop by” a wedding. Lol.
Post # 2
MrsHalpert: I don’t see what is offensive about that.
Post # 3
“I’m sorry but Fiance and I already have plans tomorrow night! I do hope you will bring in some photos to share, though!”
In my mind, though, I would probably be thinking, “What the actual F?”
Post # 4
MrsHalpert: Honestly, I work in a very relaxed environment with a lot of people around my age who don’t have a clue about etiquette… so I would just think they were being nice and wanting to party at the reception. Plus, especially with two guys just chatting it up in the breakroom– I wouldn’t call that being “C List”, I think he just came out and said it with no guest list in mind!
Post # 5
I wouldn’t take offense. Sounds like your fiancé knows the groom. I don’t think men pay anywhere near the amount of attention to etiquette as ladies do.
It sounded like a genuine “bro” type of response to “hey man are you excited?” – “yeah man I am excited, it’s going to be a fun party, you should stop by for a drink!”
Definitely wouldn’t give it another thought!
Post # 6
MrsHalpert: You never know the other person’s motivation. Rather than taking “Hey man, are you excited? Congrats! “as simple good wishes. the groom may have thought Mr. H was fishing for an invitation, so extended him what hospitality he could- an offer to stop by for a drink. Maybe, like many a Bee, he didn’t have the social skills just to say “Thanks, I’m looking forward to it.”
Post # 6
It sounds like they’re just trying to be friendly. If their wedding is a non-formal, laid back event it might just be like inviting someone last minute to a small barbecue. Personally, I wouldn’t go. But that has less to do with being offended and more to do with probably already having my weekend planned out by that time.
Post # 8
This kida sorta happened to me before… my now fiance but, at the time boyfriend and his entire family were invited to wedding a recpetion… they were having a small budget wedding but, had lots of friends…. the bride told me how horrible she felt but, could not afford everyone she wanted to party with for the catering they were required to use so she invited to the reception after dinner… and I had a blast … I wasnt thrilled about the not good enough for me to pay for but come anyway invite but, I understood knowing what the venue food runs at that location and it is literally like 20 houses down from me on the same street and my boyfreind reallly wanted me to so I went and like Isaid I had alot of fun…
Post # 9
This has actually happened to me more than once. The most recent time (and the time that made me the most mad) was when we weren’t invited to my friend’s sister’s wedding. Our families have always been really close and ENTIRE family was invited to my sister wedding. They all came. When her wedding rolled around not one of us got an invite, not even me who is close to not only her but her 2 sisters around the same age.
To make matters worse she had an email thread with the rest of my friends that she “forgot” to take me off of who WERE invited. She kept talking about how fun her sister’s wedding was going to be. Then, the week of she said through email that I could stop by after the dinner part of course because they were going to have some extra room. I could drink and dance with them. Um…eff you, no thanks!
They weren’t invited to my wedding.
Post # 10
MrsHalpert: I think that is something guys do pretty often without putting much thought into it. Hey man, stop by and have a drink if you can! I’m sure the bride was not in on it and I’m not sure why you are offended. Doubt the groom even mentions it to the bride because that’s the way guys are. Seriously he just asked off the cuff without thinking and certainly without consulting some master alphabet list.
Post # 11
Truth be told it doesn’t sound offensive or C list to me. It seems like he just wants you guys to stop by if you can, no pressure.
Post # 12
Like I said, we aren’t offended. I was just taken aback at first, and then found it humorous. I wanted to see what everyone else would do/say with an invite like that.
The wedding is formal, black tie optional. Not quite an event that does well with such short notice. It very well could have been the situation that the two of them were just chatting and either Mr. H was misunderstood or the groom was trying to be nice.
The reason it might be offensive is that it would be like hearing someone talk for a week about an awesome party they’re going to, or some plans they’re really excited about. They discuss it with you for quite a while, despite the fact that you’re not invited. Then, on the day before the event/plans, you bring it up (since it’s been The Talk for a week now) and now it’s like, “Oh hey you can come too if you want.” Well, thanks but no thanks.
Like I said, we aren’t close with either of them so it was a non-issue before and is really still one now. I was more curious than anything about what any of you would do if you got ‘invited’ the day before and it was extremely clear you had not been on any guest list: would that be offensive to you or no? And why?<br />
Thanks for the responses…keep ’em comin’! 🙂
Post # 13
I wouldn’t be offended, but I probably wouldn’t make an appearance. It’s not that it was half-assed; sounds like he was just being friendly since your husband asked how things were going. But I would probably feel awkward going.
Post # 14
MrsHalpert: Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t call that “C listed” or be offended. It seems like a genuine but casual “join the party” mentality of a jovial groom. I wouldn’t find any offense in it. Whether or not I’d attend would depend on how close I was to the person and what else I had planned for my weekend.
Post # 15
crackktheskyy: same… it’s like it’s a Birthday party or bbq: swing on by we’ll have a beer you know?
I wouldn’t go and wouldn’t be offended… plus boys are weird and the coworker probably didn’t think anythign of it, although i’m sure if his fiance was standing by she’d be the one saying what in the actual fuck??