Post # 1
so me and my FI are getting married on august 27, 2011. when we became engaged we decided to get married at our local catholic church. we immediatly met with the father and started doing the pre-cana classes. We did the 8 hour program called “a god filled marriage” semiar, for $150. Our priest had asked us if we were living together and at the time we were just living with our parents, but then he asked if we were going to start looking for an apartment, we said yes and he said if we needed any help let him know. a couple months later we finally moved in with each other, and our priest asked how our apartment hunting was going. We thought he was ok with us getting an apartment so my FI told him that we had been living together for a month now. He told us he had to make a phone call the catholic diocese/sisters for us to have a weekend catholic retreat for $200. He comes back and tells us he has some bad news. He said,”The sisters really don’t agree with your lifestyle. Cohabitating before marriage is something we do not believe in. I have to send your paperwork down to them to evaluate your marriage. If they agree to let you get married in our church we can proceed with the wedding. But as of right now we are refusing you.”
Three months before and now it’s a month later from when he refused us and told us that the sisters are looking at our paper work and we need to set up a meeting to basically plea why they should allow us to get married. I’m so fed up with this church and right now we are looking at another church with a younger priest to marry us. but he’s been on vacation right now. I feel that my wedding is a circus right now and if we can’t get married in a church i have no idea what we’re going to do.
I just needed to vent I’m soo stressed out. Thank you for listening!
Post # 3
What if one of you moves back in with your parents? Then would they marry you?
ETA: Is that even an option for one of you?
Post # 4
we said that i moved back home and he told us that the sisters would still have to evaluate our wedding
Post # 5
Find another priest! Not every church is like that.
Post # 6
Many churches would NEVER turn you away, but they probably wont be Catholic.
Post # 7
@mantha929: How weird! Your church must be SUPER strict. We have been “cohabitating” since we started meeting with the Deacon and Father of our catholic church and although they say the church doesn’t agree, they are still allowing us to get married. We just got the lecture during one of the meetings that cohabitating presents certain “problems or issues” and just to be aware of that.
So sorry you are going through this…((hugs!!!)) You poor thing! I’m not sure how much this church means to the both of you, but if you can still get married there, I would try. otherwise, I would look into another church. Maybe try another catholic church in your area? Looks like your big day is fast approaching so I understand you are feeling the time crunch. Good luck! Hope it all works out.
Post # 8
Yeah, I would find another priest and or church.
Post # 9
Wow, thats pretty intense. I’ve heard of priests asking couples to refrain from living together but I also thought they couldn’t NOT marry you based on those grounds. Now if he asked you to live apart until the marriage and you refused I think he could say he woulnd’t marry you but since you are telling him you live apart again there shouldn’t be any problems.
If he comes back and says he won’t marry you, talk to the diocease.
Post # 10
if the sister’s are from the diocese (i’m guessing the family life office?) then choosing another local church won’t make a difference. you’d have to choose a different diocese.
Post # 11
not every catholic church is like this – if you want to be married catholic, i would suggest looking at other churches in the area, and even outside of the diocese if that is possible (i don’t know how your dioceses are broked down and what that distance would look like)
i had been living with my now husband about 2 years when i was married in a catholic church – actually, i would say that 80% of the couples in our pre-cana class were living together at the time of their wedding, so its not the catholic church in general that does not allow the marriage of people who are cohabitating
Post # 12
The Catholic church is making a killing off of these couples! I didn’t know you had to PAY for pre marriage stuff!
Post # 13
i feel your pain. Although i am not Catholic my pastor has informed me that he will not marry us because my fiance is not a member of a bible believing church. He says its a personal thing. We’re on the hunt to find a pastor who will. It’s very frustating to say the least. i hope everything turns out for you.
Post # 14
FI and I have lived together for over a year and our Catholic church has not said anything.
Post # 15
Why on earth would you even want to get married by an establishment which “disagrees with your lifestyle?” Who needs them? Ask for your 150 back too.
Post # 16
I can’t vote in your poll! Try the younger priest but then also using the JoP works too. Or have a friend get ordained online.