Wearing Ring or not if you are UPSET?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Would you leave your Precious at home if you are Upset with FI?
    YES, he must know im Upset and this is the way! : (7 votes)
    2 %
    NO, Precious has nothing to do : (376 votes)
    95 %
    Other: describe below : (14 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7997 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @forever_shine:  I think it’s a bit immature to purposely leave your ring at home every time you have a fight.

    First off, most guys aren’t that observant, so he probably won’t even notice you’re not wearing it. It’s also really passive aggressive.

    Secondly, what happens if the day you decide to leave your ring at home someone decides to break into your house? Or there’s a fire? Even if it’s insured then it’s still dumb to just leave it at home for no good reason.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1762 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I would wear my ring and just have a talk with my fiance.

    Post # 5
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My FI is terrible about judging time and how long something takes. So I’ve had that very same situation. “I’m on my way” and then getting home 2 hours later. 

    But I agree with you- I wouldn’t take my ring off. When you get engaged you’re making a promise and I think it’s not good to treat that promise frivilously. I’ve heard girls talk about leaving their ring at home and then going out to bars just to make their FIs mad and I think that’s super sad.

    We all just need to work on better communication!

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    1887 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @forever_shine:  I think you definitely did the right thing by wearing the ring.  Taking the ring on and off in an attempt to express yourself, or illicit an anger response in your fiance, may make you look emotionally labile, manipulative, and uncommitted.  You also may be perceived as game playing.  Talk and work things out without bringing the ring into the situation.  You will come across as more level headed, in control, and mature.  You did the right thing to wear it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    It is very immature to take your ring off and leave it at home just to show you are mad at him. They only time you should leave the ring behind is if you have no intention of returning for it (breaking up)

    Post # 8
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    It’s horribly immature and mean to take your ring off when you’re angry.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3373 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

    @forever_shine:  really immature. Doesn’t sound like you are ready to get married.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    In my world (lol, and I will admit I am an Encore Bride and an Older Bee)

    When you purposely make the choice to take off you ERing or your WBand, and NOT wear it for a spiteful / vengeful / manipulative reason

    That is a very very serious statement

    That says… THIS PHASE IS OVER

    Marriage is a long term, good & bad commitment

    (Better / Worse – Sickness / Health – Richer / Poorer)

    So not to be taken lightly

    Engagement is the pre-cursor to those vows

    Also we assume not to be taken lightly

    To me it would be petty & immature to CHOOSE not to wear my ring over a simple disagreement / argument / fight

    If I felt so motivated… then I would assume that we were at a DEAL BREAKER CROSS-ROADS

    Is that your situation ?

    If it isn’t then… well quite frankly IMO you have a very distorted view of what an Engagement is, and what Marriage will ask of you in the future

    Marriage is not a game

    You can’t be throwing the ring in his face, or saying “That’s it, I’m done” every time something goes wrong…

    That is called “Crying Wolf” and entually backfires when he out of the blue one days says the same and goes out the door

    (Have seen it in other couples)… and when the Wife is surprised and asks WHY

    The guy says, well quite obviously you have been unhappy for some time (and that has affected their happiness in turn), so I found someone who makes me happy, and I make her happy… she appreciates me as I am

    Stuff to be aware of…

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    3373 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

    @forever_shine:  really immature. Doesn’t sound like you are ready to get married.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    2571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Taking off the ring every time there is an argument is very immature, IMO.  Just hug it out and move on…

    Post # 13
    Member
    11668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t stop being married when we get in a fight, so no I wouldn’t leave my ring at home purposely.  That’s not a mature way to show him you’re upset. Use your words, dear.

    Repeatedly threatening to leave (which is demonstrated by taking your ring off to some extent) every time you get in a fight is a form of manipulation and emotional abuse in my books.

    Post # 14
    Member
    480 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    No the only reason to take the ring off is if you are intending to call off the engagement.

    I took mine off briefly during an argument once as I genunily wasn’t sure we were doing the right thing and at the time was very worried about getting married (I would add, I have absolutely no doubts now).  He was so upset, I could see how massively it had hurt him. 

    So no, you don’t take it off just beacuse you are temporarily angry.

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    3339 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I would not do that. It is very immature and passive aggressive. Just talk to him about why you are upset and come up with a plan for next time so if he is going to be late he can give you a more realistic timeframe.

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