Post # 1
this topic never really crossed my mind, until today. Wearing white to a wedding.
i get a text message from my FI best mans gf (his BestM is his brother)
“hey i just bought a dress for your wedding but its black n white so i need to know if thats ok i won’t be upset if u say no bc it’s more on the whiter side”
i thought back to a possible 5 wedding ive been to recently never have a wore white, thought about doing it,
my thoughts are if you have to ask its probably not a good idea and maybe should save it for something else. common if you really have to ask then u must have thought the bride may not like that im wearing white and why would i want to wear white to awedding? is this such a challenge.. ive never had this problem.
bee;s what are your thoughts i havent said anything bc im not to sure if i really should say anything at all i really dont want to be a bridezilla, but i never asked her to go get a new dress for our wedding i havent even gotten my bridemaids yet and shes so concered about what shes gonna wear? confused! shes just the gf and i thought last week they might not make it to our wedding as a couple but who knows!
please give me your thoughts, i can zip it, i feel uncomfortable sayng can i see it then being like no you cant! im really one to just say nothing but i feel kinda hurt she has to ask…..
Post # 3
Can you ask your FI to talk to his brother to tell her to get another dress? I thought it was common knowledge that you shouldn’t wear white. But it was nice of her to ask.
Post # 4
Hey I mean, she asked, which shows that she respects you enough to ask, and is clearly being considerate of your feelings. If you don’t want her to wear it, then say it may not be appropriate, and I’m sure she’ll respect your opinion.
Personally, here’s my thought on the topic. I’m pretty sure that no one is going to mistake her for the bride, as it is your weddding. And unless she’s wearing a long white gown with a veil and carrying a bouquet, pretty sure no one will notice.
Post # 5
just tell her the truth. She said she won’t mind and she would understand
Post # 6
I actually wore a green and white dress to a friends wedding and when I first told her it was green and white she kind of freaked out because all she heard was “white” but the dress I wore was actually a short bridesmaid dress from Davids Bridal… once I emailed her thepicture she told me it was absolutely adorable and I wore it and it was fine. I think in the case of wearing white to a wedding it depends on te style and how much white is actually in the dress. If the dress is black and white… is it a gown or something that resembles a wedding gown or is it a dress that is black with white in it? I think before you freak out possibly ask to see the dress… the whole purpose of not wearing white to a wedding is to not take away from the bride and I doubt thats the sort of dress she got
Post # 7
It is never okay to wear white to a wedding unless you’re the bride.
Post # 8
I agree with @NauticalBride2011, I don’t understand the thing about white at a wedding. I don’t think anyone will mistake them for the bride. Where did that tradition/etiquette come from?
However, if you feel uncomfortable then respectful ask she return the white dress for something else. That was nice that she asked.
Post # 9
I don’t think you should let it bother you. No one is going to mistake her for the bride. I think people can get really heated over this and it’s kind of silly. Unless she is wearing a white gown or a white dress fancier than the bride’s, which would be extreme and intentional, I think, I don’t see what the big deal is.
Post # 10
It’s kind of hard to tell from the description how “white” it really is. Is it mostly white with just a touch of black? (not okay) Or is it a black print on a white background? (might be okay)
Can you jokingly reply, “Well, I don’t want to dictate, so use your judgment, but if it’s mostly white, you might want to bring a backup in case I go all bridezilla on you that day!” (haha) Maybe she’ll get the point.
Post # 11
I’d ask her to see a picture of it and go from there. There’s no sense in getting upset if you don’t know how much white it is. Chances are she’s being overly sensitive about it because she doesn’t want to upset you. If it’s a black and white pattern I wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 12
@Amaryllis: I agree, I don’t think it’s something to make a big deal about. It’s nice of your friend to make an effort to be considerate, but like others have said, people won’t mistake her for the bride. I think in all-white or mostly white dress is in poor taste, but some white in a print isn’t a problem.
On the other hand, I know a friend of mine is STILL holding a grudge against a relative who was recently engaged at her wedding and wore a white-ish dress…so maybe it depends on how sensitive you are to these kinds of things.
Post # 13
My future mother in law told my mom she was looking at an ivory dress for our wedding, I kid you not. I was so effing pissed… ughhh too many issues. In-laws are horrible. But let’s just say if she had worn it, I would have been furious. Black and white doesn’t seem as bad though… I guess it depends on the style
Post # 14
Id honestly depends on the dress. If it doesn’t look too “bridal” I would be okay with it. If her wearing white at all bothers you, just let her know. Maybe offer to go with her to pick something out together and consider it bonding time.
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Here’s another thought: if she hasn’t been to a lot of weddings, is young, doesn’t know etiquette, and would not want to offend future brides, you should tell her as a PSA: “Well, it doesn’t bother me (if it doesn’t), but it’s kind of a no-no…”
Post # 16
It wouldn’t bother me, in fact my mom is planning on wearing a black and white dress. So perhaps she just doesn’t know whether it would bother you or not. She’s being really upfront with you and asking, so just be honest and say you’d rather her not. I think that’s fair.
As long as nobody else is wearing a wedding dress, I’m good, lol