Post # 1
Hi! My boyfriend proposed four days ago on his birthday which also happens to be New Year’s Eve (Awww and Yay)! I’ve just discovered Weddingbee and read several posts concerning our current dilemma: Picking a Wedding Date. I know many of you have run into the same issue; it’s not an easy task indeed. I need your opinion on this matter.
The issue we have is my Fiancé and his family would like to have the wedding as soon as possible because his grandmother is not doing so well (she is 94 and probably will not be around for another year). My Fiancé is her favourite grandson and the last of her grandkids to get married. They are Chinese so it is VERY important for her to attend (family is everything to them).
We do not want a summer wedding as it will mostly be an outdoor event (we also both hate the heat) so it would be best to have it in the fall or spring. This coming spring is way too early to have the wedding and it cannot be past mid October since the weather turns quickly here and it will most likely be cold and rainy (not to mention the colourful leaves will be all gone). Winter is also out of the question. As his grandmother probably will not be around for the spring of 2014, the fall of 2013 would be our best option.That’s not too much of an issue besides not having as much time as I would like to plan our wedding (I’m a DIY kind of gal and want to enjoy every minute of it). However, my brother and his Fiancée are getting married on August 3, 2013 and their honeymoon will be at the end of October. I will be one of their bridesmaids and I would also love for them to be part of our wedding as bridesmaid and groomsman.
We thought having our wedding 2 months after my brother’s and 2-3 weeks before his honeymoon (around September 28/October 5) wouldn’t be an issue but it turns out my brother is not happy about it. Actually, he is pretty much against it (he even knows of the grandmother situation)!It’s not like we are trying to overshadow their wedding as we would set our date 2 months LATER and not BEFORE. All of our mutual guests (mostly our immediate family-about 25 people) all live in the same city or same region (it’s only our dad who lives 2.5 hours away but he does trips to here on a regular basis). It would not be a problem for everyone to attend a second wedding 2 months later. My brother will charge guests for their meal while we will pay for everything so it’s not like anyone will have to dish out extra money for ours (aside for a gift if they wish to buy one).
Despite telling my brother we are choosing the fall of 2013 because we want my Fiancé’s grandmother to attend before she is not with us anymore and trying to work around his wedding date and honeymoon, he is still not happy. He mentioned they didn’t rush their wedding even though there were deaths on both sides during their engagement and people die all the time so why should we do our wedding so soon? His other reasoning is both weddings should be unique; if I do mine “soon” after his he thinks I will only have mine in head instead of his.
So far, I’ve only been involved in their wedding once by being there for my brother’s fiancée dress fitting and purchase on the same day. I’ve been left in the dark on most other aspects of their wedding; the other bridesmaids are all her close friends and I am kind of the odd one out. I don’t know if they will be a bachelorette party but there will be a rehearsal dinner and of course the wedding day to which I will attend. It’s not like I have a big role to play but it’s not like having my wedding day 2 months later will diminish the importance of their day and will not make me think of only my wedding instead of my brother’s.
As for both events to be unique, he is having a traditional North American wedding in a church then reception at a golf course. Unlike theirs, our wedding will be outside (no church) and the reception will held at the same location as the wedding so our guests won’t have to drive from one place to the other; it will also incorporate many Chinese traditions and style. In my opinion, they are two separate and completely different/unique weddings.
Do you think having our wedding 2 months after my brother’s wedding is a big no-no? I do not see the big deal aside from the fact I wouldn’t mind having a bit more time to plan everything. That is my problem, not my brother’s. What do you think?
Post # 3
He is being a spoiled jerk. He gets a day, not a year or season. I think 2 months later is very reasonable.
Post # 4
Yep. your brother is being ridiculous. He gets one day you get one day. Fair enough. Tell him you don’t have time for non sense, that your date has been set and change the subject.
Post # 5
@yukitenshi: Your brother is being completely unreasonable. As another PP said, he gets one day, nothing more.
I am getting married 3 1/2 weeks after my cousin gets married and many of the same family members will attend both. We even have the added complication that family will have to travel across country to different locations for both. And guess what? No one has complained about it!
You cannot plan your life around your brothers. If the timing works for you and your FI, then go ahead with it.
Post # 6
I think in that situation, it’s fine! He’s just being unreasonable!
Post # 7
@yukitenshi: Ignore your brother, he’s being a spoiled asshole.
Post # 8
@yukitenshi: Your brother is being unreasonable. You get one day. 2 months is plenty of time in between. You both have two very different relationships to celebrate. He will get over it.
Post # 9
my fiances younger brother is getting married two months after us! Even using the same wedding venue. It first I was like “really?!!” And kept thinking they were trying to out due us, but it turns out that its kind of cool because we get to share ideas, frustrations, Etc. I think it really is a personal preference. Just remember that your wedding will be special on its own, try not to worry about everyone else’s thoughts and opinions. (I know is easier said than done. It’s taken a few months to come to this level of thought, but I feel way better now after realizing that its about FI and me, not everyone else) best of luck!
ETA: I guess I misread your post? Lol. Regardless, my advice still stands….he needs to get over it though! 🙂
Post # 10
Yep…I would ignore your brother. He is being unreasonable. I know of a brother-sister who got married 2 weeks apart! And as far as I can tell there were no hurt feelings!
I could understand not having it a few weeks later just because your parents/you would be sooo busy. But a month or two apart is not a big deal!
Post # 11
If you planned it a week before his, I’d understand his feelings, but 2 months later is more than enough time. He doesn’t get to own a whole year, and just because deaths in the family don’t matter to him, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t matter to everyone. He needs to suck it up.
Post # 12
Is their another family member, such as your mother, father, or other close relative that can talk some sense into your brother? I think in your case, 2 months is a totally acceptable gap between weddings. He is just being annoying!
Post # 13
Thank you for all your feedback and help and for answering the poll! I thought I was crazy for one split second but my Fiancé thought it was my brother who was ridiculous and even my dad thought my brother was acting like a spoiled brat. He was really not happy with his son’s reaction…
In any case, we settled over May 2014 in the end partly because I hate any type of arguments/fights, especially the family type fights. Wedding planning is supposed to be fun and the last thing I want is to make anyone unhappy (even if it is my little brother who’s being a brat about it). The other thing is all the venues and photographers we like are already all booked for October 2013! Nothing we can do about it.
My Fiancé’s family is so happy for us that it doesn’t matter our date is a bit later than expected. They will be there for our day no matter what and that’s what matters to us. I just hope his grandmother will still be around for at least another year. She lives in a different province from us (Canada) and I have extra air miles points so I told my SO we’ll use them to visit his grandmother this year since we can’t have the wedding in the fall.
Post # 14
I’m sorry, I got held up on “my brother i smkaing hisguests pay for their meals.” WHAT?!?! How about you tell your brother that he should spend more time focusing on throwing their own wedding and back off of yours.
Post # 15
@JrzyGurl: Thanks for the laugh! I also can’t believe my brother is charging his GUESTS for his wedding. I already had to spend $200 for my bridesmaid dress since they asked me to be part of their day.
I sometimes think I’m a bridesmaid just because his fiancée’s brother will be the best man. So far, I have not been included in anything concerning their wedding except paying for my dress. They wanted me to be their wedding photographer before but I declined (I certainly would not have been paid to be their photographer and even though my brother is spoiled and whines about stupid things, he’s still my brother and I don’t want to be stuck as the photographer and not enjoy the day).
So I already had to pay $200 for a dress I will most likely never wear again and then on top of that, pay for my meal, AND get them a wedding gift (which I think of not getting since I have to pay for so much already). Oh and their bachelor/bachelorette party will be a fund raiser event. If you don’t have the money or can’t save money for your wedding then just have a small intimate event instead of making everyone pay to fund your day.
Post # 16
My brother and I are getting married within just a few months of each other, and we are both completely thrilled. I love the woman he’s marrying, and he adores my fiance. Both my brother and I can be difficult people to get along with, and we have both found the perfect partners that balance us out. He wouldn’t want me to wait another year because of his wedding, and if I had gotten engaged and picked my date first I wouldn’t want him to wait.