- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
Goodness people, this is getting complicated.
Originally we had a Jackson Hole wedding planned for July 2012 with 75 guests. No one lives in our state so everyone would have to fly/drive in basically, why not have it in a cool place? It’s near to us though. Families are at opposite ends of us so couldn’t pick a homestate.
We cancelled that wedding back in March 2012 because my dad was dying. He passed away this month sadly (June 2012). Very sad.
During that whole planning process, despite running the idea by all the key people prior to booking, it was a huge stressball. Unemployed sister going into debt to come out with four kids, mother who is scared of flying and being rude to me in general (yes, she was dealing with her spouse dying), BIL telling everyone in my family “you know that place isn’t that nice,” FI’s BIL lost his job then broke his leg and has two small kids. Just a mess. The negativity and drama that came from my family was enough to make us consider cancelling it, but the time frame with my dad’s life was enough to make us cancel it all. We’re glad we cancelled. It was a lofty idea, just not a good one. Plus I’m still mourning my father.
Then we just thought, “Forget everyone else, to hell with them, we’ll just elope somewhere kick ass.” We didn’t have a honeymoon planned with the Jackson Hole event since I was putting all the $ into a 3 day event to make all their expensive travels worthwhile (out of guilt from mother!). Hence the NEW idea to elope somewhere kickass and make it our honeymoon. It just seemed the best at the time, maybe out of anger, I don’t know. FI’s parents – being the only supportive ones – were going to be our witnesses wherever it would have been. No complaints from them ever!
So now my mom expressed interest in seeing a wedding. She said this 2 weeks ago and after my dad passed away. We never talked of wedding anything, after some hurtful works she said. I WAS SHOCKED. She didn’t recall half the mean things she said to me, which still sting my heart to this day and make me a little gun-shy to have ANY guests period. It was that bad. I have to chalk it up to her not coping well at all.
Trying to be sympathetic and wanting to help her have a much needed vacation (she asked to come out), we’re now considering having my mom out for a vacation here in Utah, FI’s parents come out, then we have a wedding at the end of my mom’s trip with just the parents and take them to dinner. But what a downgrade! Full Teton wedding, to elopement in beautiful Banff NP, to wedding in our little mountains with our parents. Why local now? Well my mom is not a lone traveler and could not rent a car/hotel by herself, so if we had it in our town we can transport/host her much more easily (aka we drive her around, have her stay in a spare room).
I’m trying to sit on the idea. FI is fine with having it locally and cheaper. It does have some perks, like being way cheaper (hair, photog, flowers, dinner) and I know all the vendors I’d use here, we could hand pick a lovely mountain spot having known these mountains for years. But it is enough for our wedding day? Us and ‘rents in the mountains, then go to dinner and that’s it? I guess we’d get a hotel room for the wedding night and let them all stay at our house.
Then we considered inviting just the immediate family out before school starts (that would add 6 adults and 5 kids). FI’s and my family have never met yet and we were considering having them all out next summer to meet and vacation at our house (we have the room). I guess it was merging the two ideas – wedding/meeting/vacation all in one trip. Somehow I think providing free accommodations makes it all more doable to them. However, being that I’m not so ready to book/plan anything at this moment (not even sure what we want), I’d be giving my sisters pretty short notice to buy plane tickets (6 weeks or less) plus they each have newborns. FI’s sister and BIL would maybe hitch a ride in the RV perhaps. I think I’d like to have family witness our wedding, but not at a huge cost/stress to them.
Dreaming big here, I think it would really fun to rent a luxury house in Sundance, UT and have the wedding on the deck of the rental house. I found one with a lovely deck with views of the mountains, enough bedrooms for everyone, and a private detached cottage we could stay in (amazing!). We’d have a wedding dinner at the Sundance Resort in a private room, and make it a lovely upscale vacation for all. 2-3 nights.
However, there’s the short notice issue with my sisters/kids’ school we’d have to work with, plus the cost – not quite willing to spend what we were going to with Jackson Hole. Definitely want to spend less now after seeing the numbers, plus we bought braces for FI and landscaping for our house. We still want a honeymoon too. We could afford it, but do we want to. No, I cannot ask them to chip in for the house that I’d like them to stay at, not after last minute plane tickets. I’m thinking this idea would be under $7,000 – house rental, wedding dinner, some food to stock the house, plus photographer.
Oh sigh. This is so hard. Not sure what we will regret the least. Not sure how much we want to put upon our families with short notice. Not sure if we should invite some friends or no friends. Certinaly cannot and will not redo the entire guest list. No way. I’m all for just going out to a nice dinner and not a full on reception, that’s for sure. BUT if people are coming out so far to see us, just a dinner is not enough – hence a house in the mountains to vacation, or free accomodations at our house where we play local tour guides for a few days.
I am so sad about this all. I was married once before about 10 years ago (first for FI), and that day was so uneventful. No guests, no wedding attire or rings, went to lunch and then went back to work. It was awful. So as you can see I am trying to a) make this a special day this time, b) not settle for anything, and c) consider all the other inputs as well.
In the past 4 months we’ve changed our mind/plans about 50 million times.