Post # 1
I really need help, i knew for a while but its all getting to me right now, i am about to get amrried on the 17th June 2009 and my maid of honour is due around my wedding date, the thing is, she is my brother’s fiance, he’e our bestman, they have a little one already but this baby thats due is going to be born with anecephely and will only be with us for at least a day, i cant help but feel a little resentment, i dont mean to because she is also my niece, but its the whole attitude of my maid of honour, she is also getting married next year to my brother and has had more interest in her wedding then helping me with mine, its bad enough with this baby but she now wants one of her family members to come to the wedding just in case she goes into labour, i understand but shes very much always needing the attention and im concerned that shes going to ruin my day, i am arguing and falling out with my mother over this aswell and its only a week away until my wedding
can anyone please just give me a little advice, i dont want to be selfish but i dont want my day ruined either
any help would be much appreciated, thanks
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
That’s a tough situation. I know the wedding day is supposed to be about the bride, but if your future sister-in-law is about to lose her child… I think you might have to let part of the day be about someone else. I think you should relieve her of MOH duties so that she can take care of herself, because she’s probably not really going to be all that interested in you that day anyway. Then you don’t have to feel like your day is ruined, and she won’t have to feel like she has to focus her energy on you when she should be focusing elsewhere.
Post # 4
Anencephaly is completely devastating. I can’t imagine what she must be going through. I think in this case, it’s very unfortunate that the dates coincide, but really whatever you can do to make her day survivable would be really nice.
I think loss of a child is the absolute worst thing that a human being can go through. If she needs a family member there to support her, I say let her have that.
Again this is very unfortunate for you, but I’d bend over backwards in this situation. I’d also check in with her to see if she’s still feeling up to being in the wedding. I would suspect that she’s going to have very difficult memories of this time, so the most you can do to alleviate her suffering would be wonderful. It will make you a very caring and thoughtful bride 🙂
Post # 5
Yeah, I agree… I mean, it sounds a little bit like she might be a normal attention hog, but in this situation, you’ve really really got to cut her some slack. She’s already being super-brave by continuing a pregnancy that has no real statistical hope of resulting in a living baby (although there was one anencephalic baby recently in Canada who lived for 93 days after birth, really amazing), and she and your brother both agreed to take high-priority roles in your wedding? That’s a little kooky, I’m sorry. I think for her sake and yours you should relieve them of their duties in the wedding party, and yeah, let some of her side of the family be at the wedding… would you rather not have them there and have to have some of YOUR side go off with her to the hospital when she goes into labor? I realize that you only get one wedding, but this is her baby dying we’re talking about.
Post # 6
I just did a search to learn a little about Anencephaly and wow, how terribly sad. I agree with doctorgirl. I would be devastated if one of my loved ones was having to go through that at any time, never mind on my wedding day.
I’d definitely be doing anything I could for her. I would ask her what she wants and go along with whatever her wishes are. You can still honor her as your MOH but have someone else perform any MOH duties that you want done at your wedding.
My prayers go out to her, your brother, and you & your family.
Post # 7
My advice echoes the other posters– you just need to get outside of yourself here and see the big picture. What your MOH is going through is so very much bigger than your wedding. I can’t think of anything more heartbreaking than that, and hopefully you can see that ‘your special day’ pales in comparison to the weight of what she’s experiencing right now.
Post # 8
It’s really hard, but you’re going to have to let it go. I agree with other posters when they say that maybe you should relieve them of their duties, but definitely you’re going to have to let some of the light shine on them. Maybe her consumption with her own wedding is a cover up for the impending loss of her baby.
Post # 9
i just looked up the <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-family: tahoma; font-size: 13px”>anencephalic. i want to cry.
please please let your MOH bring someone to the wedding. I can’t imagine being in her shoes and for her to want to even be in your wedding is amazing. I would be crying in my bed.
Post # 10
Just want to say thank you all for your comments its really helped, like i said i dont want to be the bad guy here, but i guess its also a way for me to deal with it aswell (thinking of my wedding more) but i still have to deal with this myself its my brother little girl and my niece, we were told that she was due in july but my MOH is saying its around the wedding, but shes young and likes the attention but i have now arranged for her nan to come with her to the wedding.
thanks again to everyone 🙂
Post # 11
Um… wow. Your FSIL is going to have to go through labor to deliver a baby that she knows will die, and you’re upset that it’s taking attention away from your wedding. Wow.
Look, I know that the big thing in your life right now is the wedding. And it is a huge deal. BUT SHE IS BOTH GIVING BIRTH AND LOSING HER CHILD. Begruding her a family member to support her in case she goes in to labor at your wedding is pretty selfish.
She needs support, not resentment. And don’t relieve her of her duties. All she’ll remember is that you kicked her out of your wedding because she was pregnant.
Post # 12
Oh my goodness… I just saw the Wiki page, and I wish I had never googled in the first place. 🙁
This is really unfortunate timing. I also just want to second the other posters and say that it’d probably be best to just relieve the couple of their wedding duties. At the very least, give her as much support as you can, whether that means having another family member of hers there at the wedding, or anything else you can come up with to make it easier for her. Yes, it’s your wedding, and I certainly don’t think it will have to be spoiled, but what that couple is about to go through (and already is going through) is so much bigger than anyone’s wedding.
Post # 13
Umm, when I first read this post I thought it was a joke –but then no one in their right mind would joke about something like that. To me, it doesn’t sound like she’s stealing your thunder or trying to get attention – she’s looking out for herself and a child that she will have nothing more then moments with. It has to be the most devastating thing for someone to go through, and if I were in her situation, I’d be doing the same thing about keeping occupied with my wedding, its something for her to look forward and be hopeful for. Give her a break and be supportive and really accommodate her as much as possible she needs it in this tough time.
Post # 14
Wow… I googled it like a lot of the other posts and this is terrible. I’m glad you are letting her have someone there for her. Maybe she is "focusing" on her wedding because she is trying to fill the void she knows she is going to feel.
One of my aunts had her daughter right after my parents reception and then another one right after my cousin’s reception.
Post # 15
i’m devastated for your moh. i agree, the fact she is in your wedding at all says a lot about how much she loves you.
Post # 16
Wow. I am sorry if this sounds a little harsh, but YOU sound like the young, immature one – not your FSIL!
I understand that your wedding is a special day, but she is going through an incredibly difficult time in her life. Why do you think that your wedding deserves any of her attention right now?
Please try to let go of these feelings of resentment you have. It is not fair of you and, frankly pretty selfish.
Ask another BM to step in and help where your FSIL is unable to. I am sure that your wedding will be great with the help of others!