Wedding Announcements – Not Invited

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If she insists then they should be sent by her not you. That way she’s the one commiting the etiquette blunder!

Post # 4
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

That doesn’t sound very polite to me. I wouldn’t do it, or let her do it either.

Post # 5
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I definitely wouldn’t send these out prior to the wedding. I think you should send wedding announcements out AFTER the wedding, with the pictures if you want. You wouldn’t send a birth announcement out prior to the birth of the baby. This wording makes it sound like “we’re having a party and you aren’t invited”. 

Post # 6
9856 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

dont you typical send the announcement AFTER the wedding saying ‘we got married – yay!’

Post # 7
193 posts
Blushing bee

My MIL wanted the same thing. We had a small 80 person wedding. A lot of her friends and family were not invited. I waited until after the wedding to send annoucements with a wedding photo. I just told her it was not appropriate to send prior. 

Post # 8
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree with PP – announcements should only be sent out AFTER the wedding. Then you send annoucements that say “Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So are pleased to annouce the marraige of their daughter, Your Name, to Groom’s Name, son of Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So, on XYZ date in ABC city”.

Otherwise, it’s a little rude. If she wants to send them, let HER send them.

Post # 9
22122 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Jen041815:  I agree. If anything, I’d send it after the wedding, maybe with a photo attached?

Post # 10
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@CarolAnn:  wedding announcements are never sent prior to the wedding.  ever.  that would be called an invitation.


this is from emily post; perhaps you should send your fmil the link:


Who receives announcements, and when are they sent out?


Printed or handwritten announcements are sent to those left off of the guest list, or to acquaintances or business associates who might wish to hear the news. Announcements carry no obligation to return a gift, and they are never sent to anyone who has received an invitation. Ideally, they should be mailed the day after the wedding but may be sent up to several months later. The traditional wording is in the name of the bride’s parents:


Mr. and Mrs. James Welch


have the honor of


announcing the marriage of their daughter


Amy Sue


to Mr. Jonathan Jamison


Saturday, the twelfth of June


two thousand and one


Mansfield, Pennsylvania.


Post # 12
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@CarolAnn:  It’s not supposed to go out before the wedding but if she wants to send them that’s her business.  Announcements can be sent by the couple or either set of parents.

Post # 13
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@CarolAnn:  It’s your wedding. How do you not really have a choice? Use the great deal on printed materials. Order the announcements and have them mailed the day of the wedding. If your FMIL feels like she has to do this, then make sure the wording is clear it is from her and that no one you have to deal with directly is on the list. They will likely be offended.  I know I would be. 

Post # 14
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can see that your FMIL has good intentions, but I feel like that wording, prior to the wedding will rub people the wrong way.

I second the PP’s who suggested sending something similar with pictures AFTER the wedding 🙂 


Post # 15
11 posts
  • Wedding: November 2014

Tell her the cost is on her if she wants to do this (she cannot get your deal) and to not include your friends and family that are not invited. And then tell her if someone contacts you to be invited (or gives you grief) you will have them contact her to ask for the invite and if she invites them the cost of them coming will fall to her.  I would send her to the Emily Post website so she can see what the ettiquette for announcements is. A lot of times money talks so you don’t have to and if she knows that you are going to send people to her that are upset and she is going to have to speak with them and explain why they are not important enough to be invited she might decide it is not worth her time or aggravation. 

Post # 16
2878 posts
Sugar bee

It’s kinda like rubbing the salt into the wound … I wouldn’t do it. And wouldn’t like receiving this kind of letter. However if you want to send pictures after, with a nice note saying we couldn’t have everybody, but still we thought about you and wanted you to have a picture of us on our day, I think it is quite nice. 

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