Wedding Anxiety

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

MusicLove716:  It sounds like your concerns are less about whether he is a good fit for you and more about how this is a major life change.  Have you spoken to your fiance about your fears?  If you’re a good fit for one another, I think hed be able to assuage some of your worrying.  I’m a neurotic person myself and right after getting engaged I freaked out a bit.  Talking about how I felt with him, even when it was hard, was the only thing that gave me clarity.  For me it was just nerves, and short lived, but I can’t say what’s giving you these feelings.  I hope it becomes clear for you soon!

Post # 3
2061 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

No one should take marriage lightly so it’s not surprising that you should feel some trepidation.

Talk to your FI.  Share how you feel.  Discuss the adventures you’d like to have and the things you’d like to do.  

Incidentally no one can be absolutely certain when they get married that they are doing the right thing but if there are serious red flags they need to be taken notice of.

How much do you love your FI?  


Post # 4
1116 posts
Bumble bee

MusicLove716:  what sort of things are you worried about it inhibiting? 

Post # 5
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MusicLove716:  I think you’ve already answered your own question, but are too worried to believe that you’re just worrying!!!

It’s definitely normal to wonder about and analyse such a big decision; however, it’s not normal for it to be causing you this much distress. The big question is are you worrying because that’s in your nature, or because there is a legitimate concern that this might not be right for you.

Sometimes we need help from objective people to find the overall truth in our situation. Our internal voices can really twist the facts. If you don’t feel like you have a helpful close friend or family member that you could discuss this with, it might be worth trying to make an appointment with a counsellor. It would be such a shame if you were still having these feelings so intensely at the time of your wedding, as they would get in the way of you truly enjoying such a joyous occasion. 

If you don’t want to talk to anyone about this, you could try doing a little exercise by yourself. Next time you are having these feelings, get a pen and paper and write out every little thought you are having. Then go through them, one by one, and identify whether they’re really true, false, or if you don’t know.

For instance, you may be having the thought ‘I might get an opportunity for the perfect job in another city, but FI won’t want to move’ and once you look at it, you may realise that this is not true. Your FI might find a job there also, or be willing to do long distance work, or split his time between two places etc. The assumption that he wouldn’t is false. 

Once you’ve gone through all the thoughts, then you can see more clearly what the overall truth of the situation is, and decide how you want to be with the situation. This may or may not be something that works for you, but I thought I’d throw it out there as I know I find it useful at times when I feel overwhelmed by my thoughts.

Apologies for the long post. I hope you are taking care of yourself and being gentle with yourself too. Wishing you the very best and hoping some clarity comes your way soon.


Post # 6
1107 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

MusicLove716:  Are you completely in love with him? Not just like, “I love him cause he’s really great to me etc.” I was in this situation a few years ago. I went through with getting married but in my gut I knew this totally wasn’t something I could do forever. I asked for a divorce several months later and eventually found my wonderfully-perfect for me FI! If you’re having doubts about him, don’t do it. If you’re concerned about other aspects of your life changing, I’d really think about it first…might just be the jitters and not end up as bad as you think in that case.

Post # 7
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

MusicLove716:  I think you and your feelings are totally NORMAL! I had those feelings of intense anxiety and happy/sad when I got engaged. It was actually a rough couple of months for me emotionally. However, I just worked through it by discussing my fears and concerns with my FH and today, 9 days out, I feel ready to say “I Do” and I don’t have the same fears I had 18 months ago.

Give your concerns a voice. Speak to someone you trust. If not your FI, your mom, dad or best friend. They will tell you that you are not crazy and you are having rational, normal thoughts. It’ll be ok.

Post # 8
7911 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Getting married is a crazy leap of faith and your fears sound really normal, and not really related to him but the rite of passage in general. I would check out the book The Concious Bride- it talks alot about those feelings. 

If you picked the right person I don’t think marriage inhibits, but with the support of each other your career can soar higher than alone.

Post # 9
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - backyard

You should resolve your issues before saying I do, the last thing your marriage needs is a resentful wife, it wont survive.

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