Post # 1
Mr VB and I have talked about it and are talking timelines at the moment. I’m getting worked up for so many reasons! Biggest reason: We live in different states-our families 16 hours away from each other. I’m worried that we wouldn’t be able to have the right venue where everyone on both sides can attend as I know a lot of people in my family might not be able to afford a plane trip and/or room. To make matters worse, we may be completely moving to the other side of the country soon!!
Has anyone else started to feel a little anxious about their possible wedding—WITHOUT AN ENGAGEMENT?
Just a little waiting sound off lol!!
Post # 3
Yep, I’ve decided that we should elope because I don’t want to plan a wedding or deal with family dramas orrr spend that much on one day. I am anxious as it is and im pretty sure ill be engaged soon or by the end of the year.. waiting for that is enough at the moment 🙂
Best advice I was given….. take it as it comes and make you YOU two are happy and try not to give into everyone else’s wishes. Hard as that may be, you cant please everyone.
Post # 4
@Shonzilla: This is true and good advice! My parents eloped…and so did his parents too lol! And they are both still married!
As my family does not really come from money there has not really been a focus on weddings. Part of me does want to elope too….but I also think of how awesome a celebration could be too and if we can have one that would be nice as well.
Even thinking about deciding between eloping and having a wedding is causing anxiety!!
Post # 5
@veryberry13: Would you? Im sure they would understand 🙂 Its up to you two in the end but make sure you have no regrets and you have a good time.
Ha ha me too VB!! What does MR VB think or have you not spoken to him?
Post # 6
@veryberry13: I can seriously relate!
My husband’s family is a lot worse off than mine, & even before we got engaged we talked about having a Destination Wedding. It became clear to me that only my family would have been able &/or willing to make travel accomodations, & so I began to worry if my then-FI’s family would have judged me for making wedding plans that I knew they couldn’t afford.
Ultimately I decided to have a local wedding so that our entire family could make it. I would just follow your heart. I only chose to do a local wedding because I found a venue that was perfect for us. If I hadn’t, I would have chosen something else, regardless of the ramifications.
Try not to worry so much, hun. It’ll work itself out.
Post # 7
@Shonzilla: We’ve talked about it both ways. At first I was sure I didn’t want a wedding. Then we went to a couple of weddings in the last year and now I feel like it would be nice to have a day…hence my savings lol. Maybe I should take more time to think about it lol.
@MrsSkeletonKey: I do need to trust that everything will work itself out. I keep trying to keep my mind from racing the wrong way…now that we’ve been talking about it I suppose I hadn’t focused on the logistics as much on how everyone would be able to attend!
Post # 8
@veryberry13: You have plenty of time to figure it all out! 🙂
If you want any help finding venues I am a pro at this 🙂 PM me!
Post # 9
@veryberry13: OMG. I AM NOT ALONE WEEEHOOOOWW!
Although Im sorry your so stressed! But youre def not alone! I cried the other day because Mama said she didn’t like the dress i wanted. Im not engaged. Its not even close, I shouldn’t even technically be WAITING its that far off…
I stress about people not coming, I stress about getting fat before the wedding! Should I continue? haha
Post # 10
Yes!! We’re long distnace and planning a summer wedding…and I feel like there is an impossible amount of things to get done before then, and I’m not even engaged yet so I feel almost guilty about us making plans. We’re actually planning on moving across the country after the wedding also…haha I’m starting to get stressed again!
You’re definitely not alone!
Post # 11
@veryberry13: Oh gosh yes, do I ever worry about our wedding! My parents don’t really like my SO very much, because of obnoxious cultural issues (to put it as plainly as I’m comfortable with on the internet, he’s a weird combination of redneck and hippy, and they are very much hippies so they don’t tolerate the redneckish parts of who he is well at all). There were 2 or 3 years when they didn’t tolerate him at all, but things are more civil now, though they don’t spend much time with my SO and me together. We did have holidays together (at my parents’ house) last year, which was a HUGE step in the right direction, but I know there are still things about him that don’t sit well with my parents. Those things don’t bother me at all. . . otherwise I wouldn’t have put up with what my parents put me through over him. Because of that whole mess, our sets of parents don’t like each other too much, so ooooohhhh boy, the idea of them having to associate with each other leading up to and during our wedding is super-nerveracking.
I also get stressed out when I think about the fact that my SO knows he has to talk to my father before proposing. For the above reasons also. Ugh.
Another worry I have is money, and where the wedding will be. I don’t think my SO and I will want an expensive wedding, but we each have a lot of relatives, so we’re going to have to work really hard to make sure we keep the costs way down. And, I think the best place for our wedding would be in the fields next to our house, but the fields are my SO’s parents’ property and my parents might have an issue with that, knowing them– sooo persnickety and overly sensitive!
Hopefully we can find a lovely, inexpensive wedding venue somewhere else. I’d rather have it be somewhere with bathrooms, anyway– I don’t want to have to worry about renting expensive portable bathrooms!
So you see, I have thought about this WAY too much. 😛
Post # 12
Yep I stress about it too, because I’m pretty sure I don’t have much of a budget for a wedding, but my mom wants me to have one. I try not to think about it, but when I do, I’m drawn to the idea of me and SO eloping and then having a big party when we get back home. If we did that, we’d be able to invite everyone we know. My mom is not too fond of this idea, but I know that her and my dad don’t really have any money to contribute, and honestly, at my age (29) and my SO’s age (37) I’m not really sure if it would be appropriate (unless my parents were rich and could comfortably pay for it), especially when I have a sibling who will go to college in 2 years. ugh…what to do??
I would love to do a destination wedding, but apparently no one in my family could afford to travel to where I’d want to have the wedding (Hawaii). So far it seems like having a wedding is going to force me to compromise on everything that I might want. so…what’s the point?
Post # 13
Yes I had, it’s why it took months for me to decide okay, let’s get married. But my anxiety was over money issues, not family/planning issues. In your particular situation, why not elope (weddingmoon) and have dinner in a restaurant in both states after you’re back ? This way both your families could share your joy and celebrate with you, but you wouldn’t have to carry the organization over your shoulders. Instead of making them come to you, go to them. Especially if you plan on moving in another state.
Do not rush decisions, but I strongly encourage you to discuss all options with your SO, even if you’re not engaged yet. If that’s what is keeping you both from going forward with your wedding, it needs to be adressed. Decide together what you’re the most comfortable with, and maybe it will resolve many problems at the same time. 🙂
Post # 14
Just elope or keep it as simple as possible. I think lots of brides are unrealistic… they have this perfect vision in their mind and won’t change it come hell or high water (not saying you’re like this). I luckily never wanted a big, fancy wedding… but I realized long ago that it just wouldn’t work for our situation even if I did want one. So we’re doing something super small that so far has been super easy to plan and not too stressful. FI’s parents live on the other side of the world, and are basically too old to travel. I have cousins I barely know spread around the globe. We have plenty of acquaintances, but not that many close friends we’d actually like to have at our wedding. So we saved headaches and money by inviting only 4 people lol.
Post # 15
@evropawed: LOL I stress about people coming AND the weight gain too haha!!!
@eastcoast: haha! We are having almost the same situation! We haven’t decided on the season yet, I would like fall but who knows lol.
@Creiddylad: Wow you do have a lot of things to consider too! Xmas holidays are indeed a step in the right direction, so that’s great to hear 🙂 I hear you on the portable bathrooms. I went to a summer outdoor wedding and they rented AC bathrooms and they WERE nice but you have to wonder how much these probably cost.
I’ve always thought I would elope. I was about that UNTIL my cousin eloped, she was my uncle’s only daughter and he felt ROBBED of his opportunity to give his daughter away. So, he gets in my Dad’s ear and all I heard for months was “I would be so upset if I was robbed of this opportunity…”. So now I’m wondering if we should have a very small ceremony for immediately family. I really like the idea of celebrating in two multiple states, go to them and plan a celebration!
Post # 16
@veryberry13: Yup, we’re doing immediate family (with my family). I think that’s definitely a good trade-off. I don’t think you owe extended family anything, and I find it odd how some people get in such a tizzy about weddings.