Wedding Anxiety-Not Even Engaged!!!!

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Are you having anxious thoughts about your wedding WITHOUT an engagement?
    Yes : (41 votes)
    63 %
    No : (10 votes)
    15 %
    I'm not going to think about it until we are engaged : (12 votes)
    18 %
    Other-explain : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    291 posts
    Helper bee

    Yep, I’ve decided that we should elope because I don’t want to plan a wedding or deal with family dramas orrr spend that much on one day. I am anxious as it is and im pretty sure ill be engaged soon or by the end of the year.. waiting for that is enough at the moment 🙂

    Best advice I was given….. take it as it comes and make you YOU two are happy and try not to give into everyone else’s wishes. Hard as that may be, you cant please everyone. 

     

    xx

    Post # 5
    Member
    291 posts
    Helper bee

    @veryberry13:  Would you? Im sure they would understand 🙂 Its up to you two in the end but make sure you have no regrets and you have a good time. 

    Ha ha me too VB!! What does MR VB think or have you not spoken to him?

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @veryberry13:  I can seriously relate!

    My husband’s family is a lot worse off than mine, & even before we got engaged we talked about having a Destination Wedding. It became clear to me that only my family would have been able &/or willing to make travel accomodations, & so I began to worry if my then-FI’s family would have judged me for making wedding plans that I knew they couldn’t afford.

    Ultimately I decided to have a local wedding so that our entire family could make it. I would just follow your heart. I only chose to do a local wedding because I found a venue that was perfect for us. If I hadn’t, I would have chosen something else, regardless of the ramifications.

    Try not to worry so much, hun. It’ll work itself out.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @veryberry13:  You have plenty of time to figure it all out! 🙂

    If you want any help finding venues I am a pro at this 🙂 PM me!

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee

    @veryberry13:  OMG. I AM NOT ALONE WEEEHOOOOWW!

    Although Im sorry your so stressed! But youre def not alone! I cried the other day because Mama said she didn’t like the dress i wanted. Im not engaged. Its not even close, I shouldn’t even technically be WAITING its that far off…

     

    I stress about people not coming, I stress about getting fat before the wedding! Should I continue? haha

    Post # 10
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Yes!! We’re long distnace and planning a summer wedding…and I feel like there is an impossible amount of things to get done before then, and I’m not even engaged yet so I feel almost guilty about us making plans. We’re actually planning on moving across the country after the wedding also…haha I’m starting to get stressed again!

    You’re definitely not alone!

    Post # 11
    Member
    3268 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @veryberry13:  Oh gosh yes, do I ever worry about our wedding! My parents don’t really like my SO very much, because of obnoxious cultural issues (to put it as plainly as I’m comfortable with on the internet, he’s a weird combination of redneck and hippy, and they are very much hippies so they don’t tolerate the redneckish parts of who he is well at all). There were 2 or 3 years when they didn’t tolerate him at all, but things are more civil now, though they don’t spend much time with my SO and me together. We did have holidays together (at my parents’ house) last year, which was a HUGE step in the right direction, but I know there are still things about him that don’t sit well with my parents. Those things don’t bother me at all. . . otherwise I wouldn’t have put up with what my parents put me through over him. Because of that whole mess, our sets of parents don’t like each other too much, so ooooohhhh boy, the idea of them having to associate with each other leading up to and during our wedding is super-nerveracking.

    I also get stressed out when I think about the fact that my SO knows he has to talk to my father before proposing. For the above reasons also. Ugh.

    Another worry I have is money, and where the wedding will be. I don’t think my SO and I will want an expensive wedding, but we each have a lot of relatives, so we’re going to have to work really hard to make sure we keep the costs way down. And, I think the best place for our wedding would be in the fields next to our house, but the fields are my SO’s parents’ property and my parents might have an issue with that, knowing them– sooo persnickety and overly sensitive!

    Hopefully we can find a lovely, inexpensive wedding venue somewhere else. I’d rather have it be somewhere with bathrooms, anyway– I don’t want to have to worry about renting expensive portable bathrooms!

    So you see, I have thought about this WAY too much. 😛

    Post # 12
    Member
    1207 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Yep I stress about it too, because I’m pretty sure I don’t have much of a budget for a wedding, but my mom wants me to have one. I try not to think about it, but when I do, I’m drawn to the idea of me and SO eloping and then having a big party when we get back home.  If we did that, we’d be able to invite everyone we know.  My mom is not too fond of this idea, but I know that her and my dad don’t really have any money to contribute, and honestly, at my age (29) and my SO’s age (37) I’m not really sure if it would be appropriate (unless my parents were rich and could comfortably pay for it), especially when I have a sibling who will go to college in 2 years. ugh…what to do??

    I would love to do a destination wedding, but apparently no one in my family could afford to travel to where I’d want to have the wedding (Hawaii). So far it seems like having a wedding is going to force me to compromise on everything that I might want. so…what’s the point? Undecided

    Post # 13
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee

    Yes I had, it’s why it took months for me to decide okay, let’s get married. But my anxiety was over money issues, not family/planning issues. In your particular situation, why not elope (weddingmoon) and have dinner in a restaurant in both states after you’re back ? This way both your families could share your joy and celebrate with you, but you wouldn’t have to carry the organization over your shoulders. Instead of making them come to you, go to them. Especially if you plan on moving in another state. 

    Do not rush decisions, but I strongly encourage you to discuss all options with your SO, even if you’re not engaged yet. If that’s what is keeping you both from going forward with your wedding, it needs to be adressed. Decide together what you’re the most comfortable with, and maybe it will resolve many problems at the same time. 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    7997 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Just elope or keep it as simple as possible. I think lots of brides are unrealistic… they have this perfect vision in their mind and won’t change it come hell or high water (not saying you’re like this). I luckily never wanted a big, fancy wedding… but I realized long ago that it just wouldn’t work for our situation even if I did want one. So we’re doing something super small that so far has been super easy to plan and not too stressful. FI’s parents live on the other side of the world, and are basically too old to travel. I have cousins I barely know spread around the globe. We have plenty of acquaintances, but not that many close friends we’d actually like to have at our wedding. So we saved headaches and money by inviting only 4 people lol.

    Post # 16
    Member
    7997 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @veryberry13:  Yup, we’re doing immediate family (with my family). I think that’s definitely a good trade-off. I don’t think you owe extended family anything, and I find it odd how some people get in such a tizzy about weddings.

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