Wedding anxiety (particularity dress related)

posted 2 years ago in Dress
Post # 2
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

First off the anxiety thing is something I can relate to. I am so incredibly nervous for all wedding events I almost decided to forego the bachelorette partyand bridal shower. For this you need to find a method that helps you, and everyone is different. For me, I used to journal but don’t anymore. I usually have some breathing exercises that help to calm me down. I also have FI put his hand on my chest or I hold his hand (I’m able to feel his pulse and somehow that helps relax me). <br /><br />Second of all I know that dress shopping can be stressful. Not every dress you try on will flatter you, no matter what weight you are at. Perhaps trying a different style of dress will make you feel more comfortable. Second, you need to stop criticizing yourself. I know its a whole lot easier said than done but we are our own worst critic. Find a dress that will make you feel beautiful, (it may take trying on a bunch of dresses, and thats OKAY), and no matter what your FI will love you in it. They won’t be thinking of all those things you just listed off they will be thinking about how they are going to get to marry you! So I know it’s hard but don’t beat yourself up about it. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Fmjxn.
Post # 4
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Of course! 🙂 I think that in this case you should take pictures of styles you feel comfortable in and have your MOH or someone that has your back to look at those styles to so they can help guide you. I think that a wedding shop would love to look at those pictures of what you already have as that will only help them find you your dress. <br /><br />I know the anxiety is hard, its very hard. But what has helped me is to find someone who I can trust completely to talk about my feelings no matter what. To me it’s my FI and I think you have that person in your life as well from reading above. It is SOO important for me to talk to my guy all the time no matter what, about those feelings because it really does help so much.  Also for me I didn’t have anxiety about the dress I had it about everything and it is so so so so important for you to have a voice in the wedding planning process. For me, in the beginning, I think i kind of what along with what other people liked. Now I have no problem in telling people what I want – which will help to ease anxiety as well. <br /><br />:) 🙂 Best wishes! 🙂 When you find a dress post some pictures! 🙂 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Fmjxn.
Post # 5
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

beautiful_freak:  Anxiety over things like that is definitely normal. Look online for dresses that would fit your bodytype well before you go back out dresshunting, everyone’s body is different and that makes a huge difference when dress shopping. I am average weight and have 3 kids and another on the way, so needless to say, there are things I need to hide, like the after tummy, etc. :/ But I found that the mermaid dress shows off my curves, but still hides what I need it to hide. My sister is pear-shaped and she wears loose flowing gowns or would like the bigger ball gown when she gets married. I know sometimes it’s a pain to try on clothing you want to look good in, but just don’t feel good in. If its the extra skin showing that makes you uncomfortable, not everything is backless or lowcut. Rather than looking for a strapless dress, what about one with sleeves or off the shoulder? I am not even wearing a wedding gown, I am getting an evening gown. I’d rather buy something I feel beautiful in rather than something people “expect” me to wear. Or you can always have some sort of shawl or something added to wear on the top portion. Also, another suggestion is maybe a lace up back vs. a zip up back, they tend to fit your body better without being too snug. Hope that helps! I am sure you will look beautiful! Try not to stress about it too much and look for ideas and ways to avoid what makes you uncomfortable! 

Post # 6
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

beautiful_freak:  I am so sorry you are feeling this way! You deserve to have a wonderful dress shopping experience and to feel beautiful! Were you shopping somewhere that catered to plus sized brides? Not only should the consultants be better equipped to help you by steering you towards dresses that will suit your figure, but they should have styles that won’t emphasize the traits you are describing. I feel like some shops that do carry “plus sized” bridal gowns but aren’t geared towards curvier women don’t actually stock the styles and silhouettes that are most flattering on curvier gals, and many “standard” lines in larger sizes just aren’t proportioned correctly for a woman with curves the way that “plus sized” lines are. 

The only other advice I can give you is that I am SURE the people who love you at your wedding will not be thinking about armpit boobs or back cleavage; they’ll be thinking about how lovely and happy you look. But you have to feel that way, too! I can’t fit into the sample of the dress I am planning on ordering. It sucks. It makes me feel incredibly self conscious, and unworthy, and not pretty enough for my dress. But I know that once I have the dress that I love in my size and altered to suit my particular body, I’m going to feel like a million bucks. It can be hard to be kind to ourselves, I have to remind myself of this positive mantra daily.

And I don’t know if this will make you feel better or not, but I’m a bridal consultant and I hear women of all shapes and sizes agonize over their insecurities. This is universal. I’ve had women who I think are absolutely perfect break down in tears because they can’t fit into a sample or they don’t feel beautiful in a style they love. It’s heartbreaking, and it really does make me feel like society and the wedding industry in particular can be cruel. You are not alone, and I hope that you can find a dress (and a dress trying on experience!) that makes you feel amazing! Sounds like your OH already thinks you’re perfect, don’t you wish we could see ourselves through our loved ones eyes?

Post # 7
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

beautiful_freak:  

My first dress shopping experience I had I looked like a tool. In everything. I felt so sad about it because I, like you, dress well for my shape and usually feel pretty confident. When asking one of my bridesmaids if she would like that particular ‘honour’ (aka “please would you help me do this, but only if you can/want to because we are friends”) I told her that really her key responsibility was helping me not get hugely anxious about a) the whole thing in general b) how I looked. I really do sympathise, anxiety is the queen bitch of buzzkills.

If you can dress well for your shape then you can dress well for your shape at your wedding. You probably already know what works best, try to find that. Do not force yourself to try on things that are the latest trend. Don’t come out in dresses that make you feel humiliated, just take it off and say ‘next’.

Try to think of this as a search, a process of elimination for the dress you love that loves you. None of the dresses that are not ‘your dress’ matter, just like speed dating. Speed date a dress – not pretty, not flattering, not right? That isn’t about you. Move on to the next!

Try to find a store that carries dresses that are ‘plus’ if that is how you are built (it means they don’t just upscale the pattern, they actually cut it to suit a larger build, depending on how you are proportioned it can make a huge difference, especially your arms) and also that carries your size, so you aren’t being shoehorned into a dress for a smaller person and told to ‘imagine’. 

Size 16 is not particularly large for most heights so I will speculate that the back cleavage has way more to do with a low back, and much less to do with you. Some of us get that effect when a bra band is a little snug, but we don’t see it day to day. Perhaps a higher back would be better?

Start experimenting with some ‘control’ undergarments if you feel comfortable doing so. I know it’s silly but taking my waist in by a couple of inches just makes me feel so much better, from giant wooden plank to a pearish-hourglass super woman. I bet no one else can tell the difference or cares, but you know, yay!

If no one is making wedding dresses in the cut/style that flatters you find someone to make it.

Post # 9
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

beautiful_freak:  Very cute! Not sure what type of dress you are going for (or price range) but a little google search took me here http://www.plussizebridal.co.uk so if you are looking for the BRIDAL look (if you know what I mean), there is at least one shop that would likely be able to cater to you no issue. There must be many more, the average size of a woman in the UK is size 16. The real advantage of somewhere like that would be working with consultants likely to really a) understand your concerns b) and be able to show you dresses that will flatter you, in your size.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Taiki.
Post # 10
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

Bridal sample sizes are notoriously small. Just focus on the design and details of the dress and try to imagine the cut on you when it’s in the right size. 

Don’t be discouraged. 

Trying on bridal samples sizes is like going to an ordinary dress shop and trying on something 2-4 sizes smaller than what you normally wear. It’s normal to look and feel ridiculous in something so tight. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Jaey.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Jaey.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Jaey.
Post # 12
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

beautiful_freak:  

I’m glad that it was helpful. Some of those ladies give me huge curve envy!

You may not be ‘plus’, I would only suggest trying both regular and plus cuts to see what may be best for you, and to try somewhere that is likely to have your size, especially if you are curvy. It was mostly your arm comment (rather than your described size) that made me think of it. Remember that you can have many alterations made, and that if you are curvy you may need to order a larger size for your curves, then have the waist taken in a heap (at which point you are likely to look ‘bangin’). I am between regular and plus depending on the cut, I can swim in a plus 14 and feel like a sausage in a regular 16…or the other way. Usually this isn’t an issue, but with weddings there are expectations and deadlines so I think its good to cast your net wide.

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