Wedding Attire……..Groomzilla or am I too lax about it?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Our dress code was fairly causal and we had folks in jeans all the way to formal gowns.  Really, no one notices or cares.  I know a number of people who do not own and/or cannot afford formal wear.

If folks show up in jeans then really he should be appreciative they came to share your joy.

Post # 3
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

Trust me, enforcing dress code on the wedding day is not worth the energy.  List the dress code on your website all you want, communicate it to guests all you want, but don’t worry about it when the day actually comes.  If they dress up nicely, then that’s great.  If not, remember that they were invited to celebrate with you and that’s all.  Don’t burn bridges just because someone chose to ignore the suggested attire.

Post # 5
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

FutureMrsHouy:  Honestly, I couldnt tell you what anyone was wearing at our wedding.  We had a great day with out closest friends.  Put it out that what you want as a dress code then dont worry about it 🙂

Post # 6
Member
6274 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

usually day and time dictate attire.  a saturday evening wedding is a formal event where a sunday afternoon wedding is a more casual event. 

but wearing jeans or yoga pants to a wedding is ridiculous.  those people sound like they have no class.

i wouldn’t worry about dress code for your wedding.  and really in the grand scheme of things, if someone showed up in jeans, is that really the end of the world?  no.

 

Post # 7
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think he is vastly overestimating the time and energy he will have to expend on the freaking dress code. No one is going to agree to be the dress code police for him either. Sounds like all talk, I can’t imagine someone really being that upset about jeans that they ask a close family member or friend to leave their wedding. That would be ridiculous.

Post # 8
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

FutureMrsHouy:  I’m not sure what it is. I’ve gone to 4 weddings in the last 2 months and I’m quite taken aback by what people think is appropriate to wear. 

I find a lot of younger people think it’s OK to wear jeans, or wear scantilly clad clothing (many with cutout dresses so it shows a lot of stomach). I get that you want to be young and sexy, but be appropriate, it’s a wedding not a club. 

One wedding two people were grinding all over the dance floor, the girl was doing these stripper moves and at one point they had pinned each other to the wall making out and grinding. Seriously, it was a small wedding so it was gross. 

Another wedding people came in running shoes, ripped jean skirts and t-shirts. I don’t get what’s going on. 

Post # 9
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

Although I’ve also gone to funerals where people are wearing track suits, or construction clothes so maybe it’s just an issue of having no class.

Post # 11
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

FutureMrsHouy:  I side with you. While I agree that jeans are not generally wedding attire, only a very rude host would have someone removed for wearing jeans. You can’t control what other people do. You can control how you react. I, like you, would try to act with grace. Hopefully your husband gets on board! 

An aside, that sounds like an insane wedding. 8 uninvited guests??? I’d rather have somone in sweats than show up with 8 uninvited guests!

Post # 12
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I disagree with a pp who said that no one will notice. They are definitely noticed, but thankfully, most of us are too polite to call them on their wardrobe choice.

I think it is disrespectful to the hosts and the occasion to show up in jeans, yoga pants, hoodies shorts etc. The hosts have put a lot of time and money into providing a nice day for their guests including food and drink. Guests should put some time and thought into the appropriate way to dress.

Would I have them escorted out? No. But I woud definitely notice.

Post # 13
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I went to a cousin’s wedding where it was stated “cocktail attire” on the invitation, and someone still showed up in jean shorts and sandals (this was in Texas last June). It’ll happen, you just gotta roll with it.

Post # 14
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

These comments are meant for the general “you” not anyone in paraticular.

If one hangs out in a crowd where people do not know, or generally care, about appropriate dress a wedding will not suddenly make then snap to attention for correct clothing.

If the wedding party and their circle generally are casual about issuing invitations (verbal, email, or whatever) to events and they have the “pile on into the party, everyone welcome! bring beer” attitude, a wedding will not suddenly cause them to have a different approach to attendance.

Those of you who think “wedding” is a higher form of social engagement than all others–no. It’s not. It’s really not. There are so many backyard weddings and weddings in a park or beach or lakefront and “weddings-at-the-courthouse-then-let’s-go-out-for-beer” that for the average joe, it’s hard to convey the “formal nature” of the bride’s vision if the bride normally doesn’t hold to a higher standard.

I’m not saying that blue jeans, sweats, and bringing 8 people to a wedding are appropriate behaviors, I’m saying that the overall blurring of social niceities is causing the problem.

I would bet that if your group of friends normally know how to dress for an occasion, they will not disappoint you at your wedding. If they don’t care /don’t know about social niceties, then they won’t bother to fit in with your vision of appropriate dress.

Personally, I can’t imagine putting a dress code on an invitation. We aren’t formal people, but we are adults with adult friends and no one would dream of wearing sweatpants to an indoor, formal wedding. They might wear jeans to any number of various wedding venues I’ve seen including one wedding I attended were we all camped out the night before.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  .
Post # 15
Member
6614 posts
Bee Keeper

If you specify the dress code on the wedding website, that should cover the expectation of nice dress. FI and I know all the people we are inviting, and I don’t think any of the invited guests would consider dressing so poorly. If you trust your guests, I don’t think it will be an issue for you. Maybe the people at the wedding you attended were from different social circles. 

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