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Has anyone else noticed this?
I have been a member for almost a year and have noticed there have been some big changes over the last little while.
People are more judgmental, they get more personal and then people get defensive.
I miss the old WB!
Been a member almost a year, and I've noticed it too. I don't post much anymore because of it and I keep kicking around the idea of leaving entirely.
I think some people have strong opinions and don't watch their mouth on boards sometimes. I also think there are some fake profiles out there looking to stir up trouble. The other content is fabulous though (though I think there are too many bees sometimes).
Only takes one bad apple...
I don't think the majority of us are here to argue silly personal issues!
I'm here cause you ladies are so helpful and keep me from tell my fiance my wedding plans a thousand times a day!
Also, I've gotten some great ideas from you guys =)
I feel, "If you don't have anything nice to say, keep your thoughts to yourself" :) Too many people give their two cents without being asked for it. Everyone has their own opinion and is entitled to it, but I totally agree with you!
I agree... it's disheartening sometimes. I loved this site because of the supportive brides/grooms about things that are different.. there have been a few times lately where people respond to posts and I am actually really upset about what gets said (which is stupid, not like I actually know a lot of these people)... I wish it shifted back to the positive, happy, supportive of alternative ideas place that it used to be :(
@helen - I have also kicked around the idea!
I think posts like this one come about once every month or two...
Like everyone is PMSing at the same time; then it calms down. It is a great place to come; and there are soo many different people here, it's normal that we won't all share the same opinions. And we should all be comfortable sharing our opinions even if they are different or unpopular.
Some ideas are more shocking than others, and will make people react, but the beauty of it is that we're in front of a keyboard and are able to edit what we write, so it's totally possible to share a thought without attacking people.
Cheers!
I think it has changed, but some of the changes are for the better. For example, I have noticed that people seem more willing to offer honest feedback, which in my opinion is better than just throwing fluff around. But I do agree that some people are taking things too far or saying things just to be mean.
I feel like a certain maturity is lacking in a lot of recent posts. I'd like to talk with women, not girls, ya know?
Yes and no... i think for the most part this community has remained very supportive. Much more supportive than some other boards on other websites (ahem, theknot.com). It does seem like there have been a lot of new users recently... either b/c weddingbee just continues to gain in popularity, or just b/c it is now wedding season in most parts of the country, and people just have weddings on the mind. I think it's up to the seasoned users on the boards to lead by example and show all of the newbees that this is a supportive community and harsh attacks will not be accepted.
I've been on here since about April 2009 and I agree, it has seemed to go a different direction. I think the biggest thing that bugs me is when a gal has a rant, then asks a question and people try to help her or ask why she feels that way and she gets upset, changes what her original post supposedly meant, wants to have it deleted (but can't), etc. Those are the posts that really annoy me. I also think there are some girls on here that aren't honest---and like you said, some are just fake profiles to stir up crap. It's too bad. I have also thought about leaving, but I don't see a "close my account" button anywhere so I'm guessing if I chose to do so I'd have to contact WB directly.
Edit: Melissa---amen sister!
I think there is just more "troll" traffic lately because it is summer and wedding season, etc. Trolls happen on every board and we can't let them win! hahah.
@Melissa I completely agree!
It's funny because I find myself checking ages of posters a lot more and then get very surprised when I see that they are not as young as I thought they were! It goes to show that maturity does not equal age.
I have a feeling this post was started in reaction to my thread that just got shut down .... many of the same bees are posting
I really hope you guys don't think I'm a troll or trying to stir up trouble. I know what I was posting about this morning was a controversial topic but I was hoping to have an honest woman to woman debate amoung the bees - not lead to personal attacks and name calling.
I feel like I give lots of good feedback and support to the questions of other bees and have received a lot of good feedback to my own wedding-related questions as well. As a whole, I think this board is a great place but that on occasion things unfortuantely get out of hand.
I see what you mean, but I think the pros of WB far outweigh the cons. I appreciate honesty and even a good spirited debate once in awhile- but I don't think there is ever a need for personal attacks and name calling. Like the rest of you have said, I think those types of comments/threads come from trolls and new Bees who simply are not familiar with how things work on the 'B.
Anytime things get to the point that I want to quit, I just go on a WB hiatus for a few days and then come back. For the most part you girls have been very helpful and have opened my mind to seeing things in a way that I may not have otherwise.
@FutureMrsMartin- Haha! I thought I was the only one who checked ages when I saw something crazy! LOL.
Hmm, I have lurked for ages and just signed up about 6 months ago. I kind of like some of the changes to be honest. People are a lot more willing to be straightforward and speak their minds. Truthfully, some of us can't distinguish between a difference of opinion and a personal attack.
I feel like there are a lot of people who come here asking for advice or opinions when what they're really seeking is validation. Then they get whiny when we don't tell them what they want to hear.
Jut read the other post by KMM...WOW is all I can say...I went to respond but Mr. Bee had shut it down...
I actually find myself on the nesting link a lot more now because (well for one i'm married now) whenever I go to give advice around the wedding-related boards, some of the comments are way over the line...
I joined about a year ago as well and Weddingbee had helped me soooo much with my wedding planning...I loved getting advice from other bees, so I probably wont leave it, but I do agree, I am seeing more harsh comments on these boards lately...I think partly due to trolls, party due to new users who don't really know the weddingbee code...
@sailor: I agree!
We just have to remember that we are all different people! We come from different upbringings, cultures, lifestyles, etc...and in the end, that's what makes WB so special! We should use that for our advantage, not to create issues.
I was beginning to think that since it was wedding season, people were a lot more sensitive and their nerves were bad or something. I was thinking that it would calm down once wedding season was over.
I always feel that I don't know anyone on here well enough to judge or to know what they have been going thru. That is why I choose not to say anything negative to people.
I agree. I'm not sure if it's because of certain posters who set the tone not coming on as often, or just the huge influx of people with different attitudes, but it does feel different.
I think there's a huge difference between getting into an argument and defending youself/your point, which can be very pertinent in the right thread, to starting inflammatory threads/dramatically overreacting to threads. I think my biggest issue is how upset it makes people when they see something they don't like and they just beg for the thread to be shut down consistently - as if it will make what offended them go away?
As Melissa said, it feels less like intelligent conversation, and more like a schoolyard fight.
@babilu, totally agree with you.
Also I often find people often use the internet to express their "real" opinions because they can hide behind a username. Ah, the internet, where everyone can have an opinion.
I was beginning to think the same. I also use the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all." There are contructive ways to disagree with someone, and I think some were starting to forget their manners. There have been many posts where I started a comment, re-read it and thought it was too harsh and deleted it. I don't want to offend anyone and definitely try to keep others' feelings in mind before posting.
I'm sad to see some of the recent posts that have gotten out of hand, but I think the poster who talked about one bad apple had it right. I think most of the bees are able to have thoughtful discussion about things without offending.
I've only been on these boards for a few months, so I can't speak to what Weddingbee used to be like. However, it's very common (practically universal) for people to be shockingly cruel in online forums. I've never participated in any internet forum for more than a week or two because I've been put off by the nastiness exhibited by complete strangers under the veil of online anonymity.
By comparison, I've found the participants on this site to be largely pleasant and supportive. I can't expect friends, family or even FI to care about the minutia of my upcoming wedding as much as I do, so it's been a godsend to have an online community to get excited about the good, commiserate about the bad, and offer helpful (and usually very gentle and kind) opinions.
For those who think about leaving, browse other online communities for a few days and your faith in the goodness of this one will be renewed.
I kind of like it better now.....
Is that bad? I'm not one for drama, but before there was all this fake-niceness. Like people were afraid of having an opinion that was different from the OP, afraid to disagree in heated political/religious threads. Threads would get shut down at the drop of a hat, people would go back and delete their own comments. I think the brashness and lack of censorship is actually a welcome change. Sure, I hate all the cattyness, but I'd rather have cattyness than walk on eggshells.
Before, If there was a post I disagreed with (even when the OP was asking for opinions) I wouldn't comment because I didn't want to be snarky. I was afraid of having ANY kind of opinion. I think there is a lot more honesty and openness now.
I was on another board for years (NWR) and I'm with TEXASLAWGIRL on this one. I'd rather talk to real people and get real opinions than the fake-niceness.
Geez it looks like I missed a pretty good heated thread earlier. Re-cap??
I agree with others who say it is both good and bad. I appreciate honest feedback, and feeling like people are just going to say "you can do whatever you want!" isn't honestly helpful. That being said, there are definitely some people here who like to stir up sh*t and who are unnecessarily rude. I consider it a hazard of any online forum. Honestly if I don't recognize the poster or am not REALLY interested in a topic I tend to not read it. If I do click on something that makes me roll my eyes, I tend to just click away. I'm not here to argue. The 'bee is still more good than bad.
I've seen very few threads get nasty when the poster is looking for advice/opinions on a specific personal situation (although it happens occasionally, which is probably inevitable in a community this size). The ones that really seem to blow up are when people start talking in generalities, i.e. "it's always tacky to do XXX" "I would never in a million years do YYY" and "anybody who thinks ZZZ is acceptable is insane". I think people lose sight of the wide variety of circumstances that we're all coming from, and how harsh those comments can be to someone with a dramatically different life from our own. If you're thinking of your friends and financial situations and family dynamics, then maybe it really is unthinkable to do something (not invite your mother, or have a dry wedding, or whatever else people get so irate about). But when a bee who has an abusive parent or a recovering alcoholic fiance reads that comment, she's going to be hurt and defensive and the situation easily blows up into unproductive nastyness.
That being said, there are some remarkably supportive and productive threads that still happen every day that are easy to forget about. Look for the threads by bees who've just ended their engagements, or lost a job or had a huge fight with their families. Lots of supportive comments with personal stories to be had there.
I get the feeling that this post is in response to the drama on the other thread. I just want to apologize to the whole WB community- I am embarrassed by my involvement in all that, and I have to say it has been something of a wake up call.
I initially joined WB because I thought some other sites *coughtheknotcough* were just ridiculous in their attitudes. But as someone with a much more direct, call-it-like-I-see-it personality, I felt I had to work at being extra nice when posting here. I also noticed the change you all are talking about, and as a result I started to let my attitude slip as well. I started to post on WB in a way that was much more natural to me, but that came across as abrupt and even mean to some others. This whole situation has made me step back and reevaluate that. While my friends in real life understand that it is just my way of giving them a, possibly harsh truth but always in the spirit of friendship and concern for their best interests, this same attitude has not come across that way in writing when I post here. In writing it just sounds mean. So I am going to make a renewed effort to be kind and to edit myself so I keep in mind the tone of the overall site.
I think that if you are on a board asking for opinions you have to take the good with the bad. I have never had anyone say anything out and out rude to my posts, but I have felt a lot of strong opinions one way or another.... I am new though so I hope I am not part of the problem 
I think this site is great! I think there is a lot of genuine support for the people who post here, which is really, really cool. There will always be a few “bad apples” or trolls, no matter where you go. Just gotta take those with a grain of salt and don’t let them get under your skin.
Honestly, if everyone is uber-nice and totally neutral all of the time, on every single issue, it gets a little Stepford. BUT, there is never a reason to call people names, threaten people, etc. You can disagree, or express your honest and differing opinion without being nasty about it. I don't think that is "mean".
To be honest, I am a little surprised when someone will post something that is just out-right rude/hurtful (I'm sure we all think of examples lol I don't want to rehash some of those threads!), and people will express shock at the responses. If someone intentionally posts something rude and hurtful, I don't think it shocking to assume that they might get called out on it – like they probably would in real life. (Which again, can be done without swearing/threatening/etc.)
Anyhow, like I said - I think there is a lot of thoughtful people here, and as a whole, everyone really seems to care about each other, and try to support each other, which is cool.
I think a lot of it has to do with where we're all from too.....up here in New England, we're pretty blunt and open about EVERYTHING. If you ask for my opinion then you're going to get it. It's not snarky, it's real.
I don't mind Wedding Bee at all. I think it is fun and interesting to see where people sit on the issues. In the end though this is just a forum so I don't take anything people say here personally. Honestly, it makes me sad threads are being closed left and right.
I'm kinda with texaslawgirl...
Personal attacks are one thing, but the boards are more interesting and, ultimately, more useful, when people aren't so concerned about being "snarky" that they refrain from posting honest opinions.
i agree with a mix of PP's comments.
i don't post as often on wb anymore because the theme/trend in a lot of the posts, i have nothing to add.
i also do appreciate that there's been a lot of honest feedback.
however, i don't appreciate the in flux of "anonymous" user names and the drama/hatred filled threads that have been creeping up way too often recently.
i hope it passes and that we can find a balance between snarky attitudes and fake fluff.
i miss the coziness of the community that i dont feel here anymore
I agree with texaslawgirl and teaandtoast.
I've only been around for about six months but in the beginning, everyone was SO nice to each other that it felt false. Everyone was afraid of conflict to the point where people were censoring themselves. I'd rather get honest opinions from people who disagree than have people be dishonest for the sake of being nice, you know?
I'm not saying that everyone shouldn't be polite and that people have the right to be rude. They don't.
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