Post # 1
I’ll get to the point, my wedding is in 3months and problem is I am not that excited about it anymore. My fiancé was diagnosed with cancer in the middle of my wedding planning and finishing nursing school last year. Luckily the tumor was removed and it did not spread to his lymph nodes. It was a shock to the both of us bc he’s only 30! We were told to keep following up with the oncologist for 5yrs to make sure it doesn’t return, so its been hard for me to hold it together and be strong for him, since he still fears it’ll return or worse, its spread some how.
My question is do any of you know any brides to be who’ve gone through this? And what do they say when everyone asks them if their excited about the wedding, when deep down they have no clue how worried the bride is about their husband to be surviving cancer. Sorry for the depressing post, no judgement please, just need the encouragement. thanks
Post # 2
Simplysosweet: I’m so sorry. I know what its like to have to see someone suffer from cancer.
I don’t know anyone that has gone through anything like this. I am just here to give you some support. I hope that he continues to stay in remission.
Its hard to be excited about anything when you have no idea what the future holds. Hpwever, you need tk be strong and live everyday as if it were your last. My mom told me thats what kept her going when she was taking care of my dad. They never stopped planning anything, they lived life as if nothing was wrong. I suggest you do the same. You may not be excited about the planning but it will keep you occupied.
I also think that when your wedding day comes, you will be excited bc it not only be a celebration of love but a celebration of life. It will be a beautiful to start for your marriage vows. For better or for worse and in sickness and in health… staying positive helps. 🙂
Post # 3
Thanks Daizey! I don’t feel so bad anymore for feeling this way. Your right, I think I need to remind myself we’ll get through this and things will get better. I think it’s the fear of the unknown that drives me crazy.
Post # 4
Simplysosweet: I planned my wedding whilst having cancer. I think the most important thing is to get a hold of your worries. Easier said than done I know. But by letting your worries steal your happiness then it essentially wins.
I am not saying don’t have some worries but don’t let it become all consuming eother. It is not healthy for you and it really wont help your FI. He probably already feels like a burden and he probably also feels like you should be with someone else, someone who may not get sick. What he needs now is for you to be strong and to not add to his worry.
One thing that having battled cancer for many years has taught me is that no ones future is clear. You can get hit by a bus tomorrow, you could have a heart attack- yet people do not really worry about those things unless they just get missed by a bus or have a medical test. If you spend your life worrying about what ifs you will miss the now!
Encourage your FI to keep having his yearly checks, both of you look after health and live life.
Post # 5
Is the cancer a secret, or is it something that is openly known?
If his diagnosis is openly known, and you want to be honest, I think it’s OK to say something like, “We’re excited for the wedding, it’s going to be a great day. But to be honest, we just aren’t caught up in it like we were before. We’re thankful that he seems to be in the clear, but we’ve learned that each day is precious and it’s the marriage that we’re really looking forward to.”
Or, just smile sweetly and say, “we can’t wait for the wedding”
Or mix and match the answers depending upon how close you are with whomever asks.
Post # 6
fascinated: We’re very private people, he told our immediate family about his cancer, just not extended relatives or friends. The weird part is when he told everyone,.. they didn’t know how to react. I don’t blame them, but he would get angry when his family wouldnt give him the support he wanted Or worse, act like it never happened. It’s hard for me not to worry because every day his body hurts, he’s gone to the doctor and taken meds to deal with his stomach aches, and it will only temporarily help his pain. He’s had a PET scan recently, nothing showed up, thank god. He’s due for a follow up a month before our wedding so hopefully everything will be ok
Post # 7
j_jaye: he says this to me all the time, that tomorrow we can get hit by a bus! Let’s live for today.