Wedding Behavior = Long Term Habit?

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
Member
6030 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You can’t volunteer someone else to host an event, and you can’t manufacture a desire in someone else to have the big family festival if they don’t want it. i think you have to accept that you’re just not marrying into the kind of family that does the big extended-family thing that you’ve been wanting. Doesn’t make them bad people. It’s just not their thing. But asking his parents to host a BBQ or asking his grandparents to host an engagement party is not cool. if they want to do it, they’ll offer, but it’s not your place to offer for them.

Post # 3
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

On the one hand, engagement parties are fairly small potatoes in the long run … but! Don’t take this the wrong way, but if you can’t trust him to follow through with things, don’t feel supported re: dealing with families, and can’t communicate with him about this stuff, are you sure you want to be married to him? :-/

Post # 4
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

To be fair, I would NEVER ask someone to throw an engagement, or any other type of party for me. That seems pretty rude. I will say that I think it’s fairly odd that your families haven’t met yet, especially since you met in high school. I don’t necessarily think it’s a huge problem though.

Post # 5
Member
7090 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

How about host your own event and invite both families. Asking someone else to host an event for you is a bit rude IMO.

Post # 7
Member
2519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

+ one to all the other posters who say you can’t force his fam to host an event. invite his family over to an event where your family will be there and they can mingle. That is how most people do it. I have been with my FI for almost 4 years and BOTH our families have been together like twice. Its not that normal for both sides of the family to get together often.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Boxerlover24. Reason: I know i didn't spell everything right but IDGAF
Post # 8
Member
6030 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

MrsHistory-Bee:  you just said the rest of the family respects your fmil’s being “anti social” and doesn’t try to drag her to social events, and that they stay behind at home with her.  Maybe you should respect her space as well. If she/they are not into big group gatherings for whatever reason, they are well within their rights to skip them.  And it doesn’t matter how easily your grandparents agree to cook you dinner; it’s still really rude to volunteer them to host an event, even an informal one. You want a joint family gathering then you should host it. 

Post # 9
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Just because somebody will do something for you (ex:throw a party) doesn’t mean you SHOULD ask.

Post # 13
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MrsHistory-Bee:  The sooner you get it through your head that you are not going to change your FMIL, the easier it wil be on everyone. If his whole family, including your FI, avoids putting her in an uncomfortable position hosting or attending parties, it is highly unlikely that they are going to do so on your request.

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