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When I got married last year, we actually divided the spending 3 ways: My mom paid for the caterer, alcohol, my sister's dresses and needs as BMs, her dress, and the tuxes for my stepdad and brother; my dad paid for his tux, and our reception site; we paid for the rest ourselves as a couple, minus the tuxes for our grandfathers, his brother, the best man and his dad. It was stressful, but also nice to be able to say that he and I were contributing, so the final decision for flowers, centerpieces, invites (especially wording) was all ours.
I think that if you can pay for it it is best - that is the current trend in my culture but back in the day the groom's family paid for it (Vietnam, China). You should deinitely talk to your fiance about his family's willingness or inability to help you both out. There are so many variables and without knowing them it is hard to say what is best to do in terms of who to ask and what comfort level you are at to ask them.
We're paying for ours on our own but it still seems to be the norm for parents to chip in a bit, fi not the whole thing. I think it depends on your situation, your parents situation, your relationship with them and the type of wedding you have in mind.
Our parents both had low-key weddings so they don't care about this sort of thing, if they wanted us to do the big cathedral, white dress, 100+ guest reception I guarantee they'd be the ones paying. This way we get to do it our way without stressing about how we spend their money ;)
It varies based on culture as well. In Chinese culture, the groom's family should pay for all of it.
In our situation, Mr. JCM is paying half and my parents are paying half. His parents shoved him some money to pay for it but they have no idea how much it will cost. Mr. JCM refuses to let them pitch in and has put the money in a separate account to give back to them later when they stop refusing to take it.
Hashing out the budget and guest list was the hardest. Everything else after that is easy-peasy. :)
I'd agree - even though there are still 'traditions' most are being broken with a vengence :) In a good way!
For us my Mom (well parents, cept my dad has passed away) paid for everything. His Step-Dad (his mom has passed away) gave us some money to do with what we pleased. That went towards the honeymoon and my Mom made up the difference for the honeymoon. We were very blessed our parents had the means and the desire to help us out! (I know my dad was looking down from heaven SHOCKED at how low I kept the budget!!)
I guess I grew up in an environment where that's what is expected?? So there really wasn't a question of who's paying - it was more ok, what's my budget? I was also very blessed my Mom didn't use the budget as a means to control me and the wedding!!
A lot of people throw as age twist in this question also. The older you get - the more you're expected to pay for your own wedding. But I was 28 and he was 32 - so fu fu on that ;)
I think when you announce your engagement - most parents will initiate a conversation voicing their abilities/contribution as a gift to you guys. They may need some time to think about it and come up with the number though! If they don't - I guess it just kinda depends on your relationship with them??? Maybe say something like - "I know I'm the first of three, and don't have any expectations for you to foot the bill! This is the kinda of wedding we're planning - we have budgeted for '___' people. Blah blah." Sometimes when they want more people invited they will chip in for that. Or you may just have to flat out say "Hey, we're not expecting anything - but before we really get into planning - it'd be great to know if you guys want to chip in at all so we know what our budget will look like"
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My parents are paying for pretty much everything, but it was sort of expected they would. Most of the guest list is their friends (which I don't mind at all), so it only makes sense. I bought my dress and shoes, and FH and I split the honeymoon. FH's parents, so far, have contributed $500 total.
These days it really just depends on your parents' situation, your FH's parents' situation, and your personal situation. Just talk to them about it.
my parents are paying for pretty much everything. well, my dad is saying, this is how much i'm giving you and my mom is saying and this is how much you'll really need, so here's some extra. we're doing the rings, honeymoon, travel expenses, those kind of things. and his family is doing the rehearsal dinner. it wasn't really a question of who is paying for what, rather more of, this is how much we're giving you.
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My FI and I are both Chinese and we are paying for the entire wedding ourselves. There are definitely culture differences and expectations, but it also depends on each individual as well since we live in changing times! Congrats on your engagement!
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My FI and I are also paying for the entire wedding/honeymoon ourselves. My FI's parents gave us some money, but we put it in a separate high-interest earning account to help save for our future home. We felt we had the ability to pay for everything, so why not!
But congratulations on your engagement! I am sure after you talk to your FI and your family, you will figure out an arrangement that works for you.
Best wishes!
We were always going to pay for it ourselves but when we started planning our parents so graciously offered to split it between them. So it works out basically even for his parents to pay for the ceremony and reception venues (including food/bev) and my parents to pay for most everything else. We both just graduated from grad school, so apparently the conversation between the two sets of parents went something like... "these are two great kids, but they're dirt poor, so let's help give them the wedding they want." We feel so blessed and grateful.
My parents are paying for everything, which is very generous of them. We are, however, paying for our rings, honeymoon, his suit (we're having it custom made), and my alterations. His parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner.
My family was not in the finacial position to pay for much of the wedding. And I have 4 parents! We knew from the start we'd be paying for quite a lot if not all of the wedding ourself. I think that if you're parents are able to pay for the wedding, or parts of it - asking is certianly worth it.
My mom and step dad, who've the least money out of the parents are paying for the cake and paper products (I'm DIY-ing my invites and everything paper so this is really helpful)
My Dad and step mom have chosen an amount that works for them and are pitching in $5000, wich we've asked for them to just hang on to in a CD until a few months before the wedding, as it will go directly to the reception.
My FH's parents have chosen certian items to pay for as well. The Rehersal Dinner, all the drink (wine/beer/champainge) at the wedding with a $2000 limit on the open bar, all the hor'dourves to be served at the cocktail hour, and she's even offered to pay for the flowers BUT we were having a few glasses of wine that day....lol.
Plus all the paretns have picked up little things here and there - as I'm DIY-ing most of the stuff. SO it's been a real team effort.
I like how it's turning out and we still have a signigicant amount to pay ourself but because of their help we're having a better wedding then we could even imagine!
My parents are divorced. Dad's paying for the bulk of the wedding, but other parts of my family (mom, 2nd stepmom, grandparents) are also contributing a bit. We're also paying for part of it ourselves.
We're paying the most, probably 1/2, of the wedding. But our parents are chipping in about 1/4 each. Essentially, after we got engaged my parents said they would give us X amount. Then FI's parents said they would give whatever my parents gave. Which was very generous but we still have to cover about 1/2 ourselves.
my parents have five kids total and my second sister just got married last October. She paid for most of it and my parents and the groom's parents chipped in where needed. Since I am the oldest in a chinese family, I did not want to put any burden on my parents or FI's parents to pay. He feels the same way as well so we are paying for everything. The only thing we aren't paying for are the GM's tuxes and the BM's dresses which we will make up in the gifts and my parents' evening wear. However, we did pay for the qipaos being worn for the Tea ceremony for six girls and my mom. Fi's parents are close to retirement so definitely didn't want to ask them for any money. It's definitely good to say that we are funding the whole thing ourselves - feels very grown-up indeed. 
My parents are paying for everything up to a certain point. I didn't expect them to, but they didn't really give me the option. In return, we're having a wedding in their city and having some of their friends there as well.
we did it old-style traditional.
my parents covered for the wedding & reception
my husband's family paid for the honeymoon & rehearsal dinner
i covered the costs of bridesmaids dress(less than 100$)
my husband covered the costs of groomsmen tux rentals (gifts)
both sets of parents considered it gifts to us. we did a lot of things "their way" butneither my husband and i were bridezillas or groomzillas, and it all was pretty lovely. (we are both graduate-level-ish students)
I have kind of a weird situation. At first, my FI's parents were going to pay for most (probably 3/4) of the budget because they are very well off whereas my family is not. Plus this is my second wedding and FI's first, so it just kind of made sense.
But as planning went on, FI's parents got more and more controlling and there was always tears and hurt feelings. So basically we gave their money back, and they are planning their own reception their way to honor us about six weeks later. We cut everybody from the guest list but our close family and close friends. We went from having a guest list of 150 to 70 (mostly cutting FMIL's guests she had to have.)
Since we were already midway through planning, my mom then asked me to send her my budget (I was handling all the finances so one set of parents didn't get wind of what the other was contributing). I did, and she said her and dad were willing to chip in and cover what ended up being about three-fourths of my estimate. We're more than happy to cover the rest of it.
FI's parents are chipping in for part of the honeymoon, buying our ketubah and chipped in for the photography/videography. They are also hosting the rehearsal dinner.
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My mom is very generously covering most of the cost of the wedding. My fiance's parents have not offered money towards the wedding, but his dad has hinted that he will give us a generous check as our wedding gift - which we plan to hand over to my mom to help cover some of the wedding cost. I tried to hint to his mother that the groom's family usually hosts a rehearsal dinner, but she is hosting a dinner for her guests only, so we are having a lunch at my mom's house the day before the wedding for all the relatives (we are having a Sunday day wedding). My fiance and I are covering some costs, paying for rings, honeymoon, and odds and ends here and there. I think it's good to get an idea from both sets of parents what, if anything, they are willing to contribute, and go from there.
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I'm starting to consider our wedding as the collaboration of every single member of our families. His parents are covering the base catering costs for the first 150 guests. My dad is making the last (and by far the largest) of the payments required by our site. My mom has paid for misc items along the way (a payment to the site, cake toppers, flower girl dresses). Everything else is on us.
DJ, flowers, my dress, his tux, catering for over 150 people, catering tip, etc etc etc.
All in all, I would break it down 15% his parents, 15% my dad, 10% my mom and the remaining 60% us.
As some have mentioned Chinese tradition is that the groom's family pays. However, since FSIL married before FI and she married Caucasian, they did it the "American Way" so told FI long before we met that they wouldn't help with his wedding.
Soooo my parents have become very very generous and suprising to me paying for almost everything. The ceremony, reception, dress, airfare for a couple of family members, etc. FI's parents {I am told} will pay for the rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, and they are hosting another reception for their friends back at home. Needless to say, I love my parents!
Never thought about asking parents to pay for our wedding. So we are paying 100% of it. We have both worked for a few years so it's not a problem. Don't think it would be possible if we are both still students :)
Thanks for all your feedback ladies! His dad has already offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner, so things are getting moving! I have a feeling we'll end up paying for the majority of the wedding expenses, but I'm going to ask my mom & step-dad if they would like to chip in for anything in particular. They have both recently retired as well, so they're not in the best financial situation right now, but we'll see...
Thanks again!
We started out thinking that we would pay the whole thing - we both have good jobs, and can certainly do that. Of course, we had planned something pretty modest. When I started sharing the tentative plans with my mom, she made it pretty clear that she wanted something more elaborate, and that she and dad had planned all along on footing the bill. At this point, we are sort of collaborating. I tend to pay, or at least pay deposits, and she steps in and pays the rest, or tries to pay me back. I don't feel too bad about this, as what actually ends up happening is that she pays for the things that she wants... and that we probably wouldn't have had if we paid for everything ourselves. My FIs family has seriously no money (we already send his mother money every month to help out). So the things that are traditionally covered by the groom's family we will pay for ourselves - as well as hotel room for his mom and brother, and we will probably send her money or she and I will shop together for her dress. My little sister was married four years ago, and this is actually about the way things went for her as well.
My mom is also being reeeeeally nice (trying very hard) about not getting too far from the relatively small event that we wanted. She could certainly use the money as a way to exert control (and has shown in the past that she is totally capable of that). But she is being very respectful, which is wonderful.
Finances are always such a tough subject! My fiance and I are paying for most of it (well... due to some financial obligations, he's paying for most of "our" potion) and his parents have already said they are going to be chipping in "some money." My mom doesn't work and therefore doesn't have any income and my dad is going through some financial difficulties now, so we're not sure if he's going to be able to contribute at all.
As other bees have mentioned, there's different "traditional" ways that things are supposed to be paid for, depending on the tradition, of course. My FI's culture (American) thinks it's up to the bride's family to pay and my culture (Vietnamese) thinks it's up to the groom's family to pay. Hopefully it'll be mostly us and a little bit of help from the parents, since I'm in school and not making much at my $12/hour job. :(
my FI and are paying for the whole wedding except the honeymoon which he is paying for. due to my FI's crazy work schedule he hasnt even spoken to his parents since we got engaged (about 3 wks ago). my FI says that he doesn't know if they will chip in for the wedding, but they are very traditional so i figure they would want to (since i think they can.) it would be so great too since they're british and the pound is worth double the dollar right now. but they're not crazy about the fact that their son is marrying an american girl and potentially never going back "home." so i'm wondering if they wont want to contribute too much out of that. but either way, we expect to pay for everything ourselves so anything on top of that will just be a perk!
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we're paying cash for everything ourselves - i refuse to charge anything and pay interest on top of that
my parents had put away some money and offered to pay, but we've opted to just pony up and pay for the wedding ourselves and save that cash my parents saved for our kids' college or for our retirement or a rainy day...
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Hi ladies,
I am brand new to all of this... we are still picking out my engagement ring! (Brilliant Earth: all conflict-free Canadian diamonds and ethically/environmentally sourced precious metals!) My fiance is buying the ring for me, as is traditional.
My question is in regards to the wedding budget. Are weddings these days still being paid by the bride's parents? How is your wedding being paid for? My parents are middle class, I have 2 other sisters, and I am the first to be married. I have not broached the subject with anybody yet, not even my fiance. I appreciate any insight you might have.
Thanks!