(Closed) Wedding Called off 2 Days Beforehand

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Despite your mother’s interference, it sounds like your gut instinct was to call off the wedding until things can be sorted out. It sounds like you want to work things out with your FI but a lot of things need to happen so that it will work. I’m glad that you are seeking counseling. Hopefully this will help your relationship with your mom as well as with your FI. Best of luck. 

Post # 4
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

You had no problem with the issues until your mother called your attention to them?  And you just called off the wedding without talking to your FI? 

Post # 5
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Wow, even though your mom very clearly expressed a dislike of your FI and obviously was against you getting married, you believed her right away and didn’t even talk to your FI about this before cancelling your wedding?

I think you made a terrible, terrible mistake that will be VERY hard to make right again, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it ruined your relationship.

Post # 6
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m a bit confused…ARE there issues with your FI? Or did your mother just make things up and you called off the wedding?

Either way, I think you need to sit down with you FI and have a talk with him. I would be pretty upset if DH had called of the wedding without even talking with me about it because one of his parents had said something about me.

It sounds like there is a lot of tension between both mothers and you both, maybe this is something that should be addressed.

I’m just curious, you say hes 15 years old than you, how old are you?

Post # 7
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry but maybe this is for the best… It sounds like thre is alot to sort out without adding a marriage to it.  Notice, I said marriage, not wedding.  This is a lot more work than just saying I do. 

Let’s review.  You have problems with a) both of your living situations b)money c)your families thinking you’re not good together c)you both letting your mothers interfere in your life d)parenting e)communication and trust

Ooh, just gave myself a headache thinking about it.  Go through the counseling and take some time to figure things out.  Marriage should be a serious lifetime commitment that frankly you seem not to be ready for.  There are too many red flags for you to get married just because you are “in love”.

Sit him down and explain to him that no wedding doesn’t mean that you don’t love him but that you guys need to get it right so it can last forever.  Good luck

 

Post # 8
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think based on what you’re saying here, you maybe did exactly the right thing calling off the wedding. 15 years is a HUGE age difference, and it doesn’t matter so much when you think 32 to 47 (which is still a lot), but matters a WHOLE lot when you’re say 20 and he’s 35. I also think the two of you living with your parents, is a sign that maybe the timing isn’t right, and marrying a guy with kids, especially children with special needs, is a huge undertaking and should not be done lightly. I think based on your post (and you could just be upset/excited) it sounds like you have a little growing up to. I’m not saying this can never happen with this guy, but that maybe you’re right to go to counseling, get a job, save some money, move into your own place (ie. make some adult decisons on your own) and then re-examine things regarding marriage with him. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

reading this i say its a good thing you didnt marry him – you still have alot of growing up to do for yourself and i think you need to learn to be your own person first

going into a marriage where you are already unhappy (you are unhappy with his mommas boy complex and have issues with his son, money concerns and school pressure) is not a good thing, these problems do not resolve themselves or get better just because you signed the wedding certificate – you both need to be on the same page if you are going to make it work

by the sounds of it you were running into marriage to escape your mom then running away from the wedding to escape other issues

i can also say that if someone told me a load of dirt about the person i love, the person i love so much i was going to marry them i would face my FI and ask him directly before i made such a huge decision as leaving him – you didnt, another example of how you are not ready to deal with issues maturely

as far as his mom “having the nerve to” trash you on FB, well you broke her sons heart, dumped him at the alter, publically humiliated him – what did you expect?? and its FB btw, who the **** cares what people post on FB

 

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly, i think this is for the best. You seem not mature enough for marriage quite yet. If you are this easily manipulated by your mother, you have a lot to do before you’re ready to be married.

Post # 11
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

*****CLASSIC******* example of how you can’t live for other people.  Not even your mom.  So your mom was able to find out these “secret” things about your FI right before your wedding that you were unaware of after dating him for 3 1/2 yrs and being engaged for 2 (right?)  And a wedding she has been against for months?  What would lead you to think they were true?  And there seems to be absolutely no communication between you and your ex FI.  I agree with the other posters, your gut must have told you something different because no one could come in at the very last possible minute and persuade me not to marry my FI.  I love that guy more than I have ever loved in my life! And especially someone I KNEW disagreed with the relationship in the first place.  I would say try to talk to ex FI with an open mind, but give him some space and time.  The ball is in his court as to how the relationship progresses forward. 

Post # 12
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree with everything @eloping: and @DazedFiancee: said. The relationship had a lot of serious unresolved issues, notwithstanding the problems caused by your mom’s meddling. Neither of you sound like people who are ready and able to begin a successful marriage at this point in your lives.

Perhaps it’s for the best that you finish school, start your career, and gain some independence and sense of self before you reconsider marriage – whether with your FI or someone else.

 

Post # 13
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i totally agree with these ladies @DazedFiancee: @eloping: @jayce:

i’m sorry everything happened so dramatically and right before the wedding, but it might be for the best. focus on YOURSELF for a little while and then reevaluate things.

Post # 14
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I totally get the impulse to blame your mom, but your decision to call off the wedding was YOURS. A wedding is not a marriage – I think if you felt that your FI was lying to you, or could be lying and you took your mom’s side instead of taking your FI’s side, it’s because you know deep down that something isn’t right and were not ready to make that lifetime commitment – which is okay. You should only get married if you are 10000000% certain of what you are doing. Do you feel that after the time you’ve been dating that there might be serious things from his past that he hasn’t told you?

My husband is 16 years older than me, and I’ve always dated older men (most 10+ years older than me). As someone who has dealt with several older men lol, take this for what you will: If a man is in his mid 30’s, or older, and living with parents, thats a huge red flag. If he has a child he isn’t in regular/healthy contact with and isn’t fighting to change that, that’s another red flag. If you feel he hides $$ or isn’t open about that (or credit/past $$ issues, etc), thats another red flag. If you feel like a “3rd wheel” dealing with his mom, that’s a huge red flag – you two were/are a family, that should come first.

Post # 15
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@gabrielleelise1981: I agree!

To the OP, there’s just a little too much red flags going up here. I definitely think you should evaluate your situation and use this time apart to figure out the best way forward.

All the best.

Post # 16
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I am so sorry to hear that you are so upset.  I do agree with the other bees that this is most likely for the best.  You both have medling mother, a HUGE 15 year age difference, live at home, financial issues, DWI’s(on his side, thats a deal breakeer for me, and i mean ever), and you have issues with his son.  Most of those are not changable(like son, and mothers).  I would try counseling. Good Luck 

The topic ‘Wedding Called off 2 Days Beforehand’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors