Post # 1
When my new husband and I opened our cards and gifts after the wedding, we came across 2 cards that were placed in the card box with monetary gifts that were not signed (no writing inside the card at all).
Luckily one of them gave a check, so that was easy to figure out, but the other was cash, so we have no way of knowing who gave it. Neither of us recognizes the hand writing on the outer envelope as someone we obviously know, and it was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Last Name, so nothing indentifying there either.
I have an excel spread sheet that I’ve been using to keep track of the gifts that we receieve (for thank you card purposes). I cross referenced that with the list of guests that we had in attendance to attempt to figure out who it is from, but it turns out that we had 8 guests that were at the wedding that we haven’t received gifts/cards from, so now I’m at a loss.
My husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal, but I would be horrified to not send a thank you card to someone for their (generous) cash gift! He thinks we should send generic thank you cards to all 8 guests that we don’t have gifts from saying something like “thank you so much for your generous gift, it is greatly appreciated”, but I think if we send that to someone who knows that they didn’t give us anything, we will look tacky and/or rude!
I’m at a total loss as to how to proceed. Has anyone else had this happen? How did you figure out who it was from?
Post # 3
O gosh, that it tricky. I havent gotten married yet, so i cant offer advice. But i would say def dont send a generic card to the last 8.
Maybe you can mention it to your immediate family, and they can pass it word of mouth to figure it out?
Post # 4
If any of the 8 potential guests are family members, I would get parents involved. If you were to ask the guests directly if they gave a gift, it may look impolite. Parents can bring the issue up gently with family.
Post # 5
This is a total shot in the dark here, since you don’t want to send a generic card saying thank you for your gift, maybe say something like:
“We greatly appreciate all the joy your presence brought to our special day
Love, Mr. & Mrs. Leyley”
Then it’s a vague enough thank you, to go to someone who brought the cash gift, and to someone who didn’t bring anything at all.
Post # 6
Miss Manners may require the smelling salts after I say this, but this MAY be the ONE time I would be very tempted to resort to FB as a wedding-related communications tool.
Perhaps a post such as:
“__________ and I are very thankful for something, but, unfortunately, we’re not quite sure whom to thank. We were blessed to have received a wedding card that included a generous cash gift, but the card wasn’t signed, and there is no identifying information on the card or envelope. If you brought a gift to our wedding but have not yet received a thank-you note from us acknowledging your thoughtfulness and think this COULD have been you, please contact us privately so that we may thank you properly! :)”
The right person or couple likely will volunteer to tell you the amount that was in the card. Even IF someone who did NOT give you a cash gift decides to “claim” this opportunity falsely and make themselves look good, and more than one person or couple responds, you will lose nothing by thanking more than on person or couple for the same gift. After all, the goal of making this information known is to try to ensure that you DO thank the right person, and that may be accomplished by making such an inquiry.
Post # 7
I’d probably send a picture of the card out to family (and maybe even post it on Facebook) with something like “Someone gave us this lovely card but it wasn’t signed. We want to be able to thank them properly – could you check with a few folks you’re close with and see if this is the card they gave?”
Post # 8
I would send a thank you card to the last 8 just not mentioning the gifts. I have never received a thank you card that specifically thanked me for the gift i gave.
Post # 9
I guess it depends HOW generous they were, but if I were you I’d send a generic thank you to all the remaining guests, thanking them for attending and sharing in your special day etc.
Post # 10
@Stephville: I think that’s probably what I’ll end up doing! Thanks!
Post # 11
@WillowTreeWade: I think that’s what we’ll do. My mom just always hammered it into our heads as kids that when you send a thank you card you need to mention the gift or if it’s cash, mention how you intend to use it so that the card feels more personal. Old habits die hard I guess!
Post # 12
I think your fiance is exactly right. Send a general thank you to the 8 people who are unaccounted for. It’s not like they’ll know its a general message (because even if you knew who gave you the gift, your thank-you would hopefully not note the actual AMOUNT of cash that was given). If someone receives a card knowing they didn’t give a gift, I don’t see how that can make you look bad. If anything, it might make them feel bad for not giving anything, but this is the best way to cover your bases, IMO.
Oh, and PLEASE don’t go anywhere near Facebook to help solve this.
Post # 13
PROCESS OF ELIMINATION – Work out those who you know for sure got you a gift and a signed card. Any left, just give em a quick call or drop them a text and ask. Then you should have your answer 🙂
Post # 14
@rdownie1: We did the process of elimination already and came up with 8 possibilities. The problem with calling/texting them is that I don’t want to put the other 7 people who didn’t get us a gift/card on the spot and make them feel uncomfortable or embarrased about not bringing anything. I was hoping we’d only have 1 or 2 names remaining, and the problem would have been solved, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case 🙂
Post # 15
Thankfully, time is on your side. You have 3 months from receiving a gift to send a thank you. Give it some time, watch the mail and (if applicable) wedding registries to see if any of the 8 send something after the wedding, and see if that helps narrow it down. I know it’s nice to do it ASAP, but sometimes thats not possible. If after, say a month or 2, you haven’t narrowed it down, then send a generic thank you to all 8.