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So I was at a friend's wedding this weekend, when suddenly I realized that I have become SO ANNOYED with a very common practice I've seen over and OVER again...
While my fiance and I-and most of our friends- love dancing to the point where you can't tear us off the dance floor, my best friend and her guy aren't. They are genuinely very happy to sit at their table and talk/visit, drink, actually eat the cake! and watch other people dance. It makes both of them very uncomfortable to do any dancing other than slow-dancing. I know there are many other people out there who genuinely just DON'T like dancing in front of people.
I can't even begin to tell you how many people came up to them at the wedding we were at this weekend, literally PULLING them out of their chairs, and dragging them to the dancefloor despite their protests. Only to have my best friend and her guy turn around and walk away. I have seen this happen to her (and others) MULTIPLE times at weddings, or really any event which has dancing. And it ends up just embarassing my BF horribly. People assume they're "helping" a non-dancer get into the party, but why don't people get that if a person wanted to dance, they would already be dancing?
What's up with this? Has any other non-dancing couples out there ever experienced this, too? I just think it's SO rude!
@RaeTRud: yeah, some people just don't understand that some people just don't like to dance!!! hubs and I love to dance, and were on the dance floor all night, but one of my best friends doesn't and was out for a few dances, but hung out and talked with people most of the night. I don't understand how people don't realize that it makes them MORE uncomfortable to be singled out, and if people just ignored them, they would be more apt to get up and dance
Hahah yesssss.. yesss... yesss. it is annoying. lol.. I remember my Cousin during one of our family parties - they were all dancing, and he just grabbed me and forced me to dance with him in the big circle they all created on the dance floor.. haha I stood there for a good minute. Shook my body for a sec, politely smiled and walked away. well obviouly its not as lame as I wrote it, but I did walk away. haha
Oh Lord!!! Thank you!! This happens to me at every event with a dance floor and it ruins the night for me. I wind up feeling like a total kill-joy if I don't attempt to smile and shake before walking away completely humiliated. Just b/c I'm sitting and watching doesn't mean I'm longing for a Footloose moment.
Exactly! Its not like your holding up a sign saying " Why dont u come force me to dance cuz I just cant do it" If you wanna dance, yoll do it! I mean you made it to the party, you can make it to the dance floor if u want.. haha..
I dunno if I agree...I've been in a position where I kind of wanted to dance, but also kind of didn't want to because I felt awkward for whatever reason, and it was actually really nice to have someone pull me onto the dance floor, at the very least to know that I'm wanted! And maybe I ended up having fun.
I know that all too well. DH and I are not dancers. He only danced with me maybe 3 times at our wedding and all were slow songs. I danced a little more with my bridesmaids but I certainly wasn't ripping up the dance floor like some brides. I absolutely LOATH it when people insist on making others dance which is why conga lines are the bain of my existence. If I wanted to dance, I'll dance. Being forced onto the dance floor just makes me hate it even more.
Sooo, what you're saying is we SHOULDN'T have a conga line? lol! the original plan was to have my samba dancer friends start off the dancing by , in costume ( a sequence thong bikini with big feather vegas showgirl like hat) do a performance and then end it with a conga line to get people on the dance floor. I perform with them at a lot of events and it's usually a big crowd pleaser. but we don't force people into it, they always just jump in!
I've never experienced that and have never met anyone it has happened to either. No one should ever be forced to dance, but most people have the courtesy to respect others' choices.
YES!!!
It's not that I hate dancing, but I've never been taught. I am truly happy to just people watch. DH on the other hand would like to dance abit, but I keep him happy with a couple slow songs.
But you're so right! If I wanted to dance, I would. Don't force me out there, don't say things that make me feel bad about dancing...just mind your own business!!
I really dislike this too. People will go to the dance floor if/when they feel ready/into it. A hail over is ok, but pulling at arms is just very uncomfortable.
@joy2011: I think there is (generally) a point where you can tell if someone kinda wants to dance or really doesn't. Like if the person isn't laughing and goes and sits back down, leave them be. If the person kinda laughs and sort of protests but goes along with it, then maybe they actually do want to dance.
@soontobehis, many people have never been taught how to dance but that doesn't stop them from dancing. It's a natural thing since all you do is move your body to the music, and many people do it daily without thinking about it. No formal instruction required.
I hate this too! I'm not a dancer and I think it's rude that people think I'm not dancing because I'm "shy" or just don't feel comfortable. Really, I just don't enjoy it. I would rather sit and drink and talk. I don't drag you off the dance floor and force you to do that because my idea of fun is obviously yours too and you are just shy and incapable of making your own decision to do what you actually want to do.
ETA - and don't get me started on people dragging people up to the bouquet toss. I have turned pretty bitchy when people tried to do that.
@Ember78: Great. But I don't want to "move my body". That's not me. And apparently there's many people who don't want to. We just want that to be respected!
YES. And just because we (DH and I) aren't dancing, doesn't mean we aren't having fun! I promise! We will have LESS fun if you force us to dance. :) And I am with @soon2bhis: this is not something my body does naturally. lol
+1 on the "move my body" thing... if I could, you wouldn't have to drag me to the floor to do it!! LOL :) I dance in my living room but in front of people... ummm, nah. Having an audience takes the fun out of it for me, but I have fun watching the people who are actually good at it!
@Angelz_love: A conga line the way you describe sounds fun, actually! I might even join in for that. It would get the people who want to be dancing up and moving and it's simple enough for anyone to do it. But, when the crowd divides and the non-dancers sit down... LET THEM BE!
Maybe they were just trying to get the party started?..but I guess I understand it's embarrasing if you are not a person who likes dancing
@mrs-v-to-be: When it happens to me, it's usually long after the dance floor is packed and everyone's having a blast. It's like they want to share the love... :) I know it's from a good place though.
Lol. FI and I are not dancers. Our first dance together was at a friend's wedding last year...We had been together almost 3 years before we slow-danced together in public. LOL. My bff/MOH dances in line at the store, in her car, in a restaurant, when she drinks, when she doesn't drink.....you get the picture. It took a while for her to figure out I don't dance in public unless it's a slow song or something easy/cheesy.
I DESPISE being dragged out to the dance floor. Even more so when it's for the bouquet toss *cue the awkward single ladies song* even though I am NOT single. The last wedding we went to I was told "You're not married YET!" Um...no, but I will be very soon.
Amen :)
I'm a shy dancer myself, but there is nothing worse than people making you feel bad or awkward for just wanting to converse and eat
I'm frequently dragged on to dance floors... At bars, at concerts, at weddings, at company Christmas parties... and I realize that I'm dragged out because I'm not dancing... but when will everyone else realize that I'm not dancing because I choose not to dance??
If I'm sitting or standing at the edge of the room, having a nice chat WHY would anyone think it would be a GREAT idea to drag me (and possibly FH) in to the middle of the crowded dance floor? I was talking!
Personally, I don't dance because I've injured my back, and crowded dancce floors end up being a bit treacherous - I don't want to be limping around in pain for the next 3 weeks because somebody was a little too "into" the latest Lady Gaga song and stepped on me or knocked me off balance! Being yanked on to the dance floor certainly doesn't help my back either. Most of the time I'm fine, so I don't advertise my weak back.
I sure wish people would think twice about disregarding respect for personal space and preferences when a DJ starts playing!
Okay I agree with you... but to a certain extent. DH and I would go out to clubs and he would absolutely REFUSE to dance because he was too shy. He'd say things like.. "I have to have WAY more to drink before I'd even consider getting on the dance floor.." etc, and would always turn me down. I, on the other hand, love anything music related and love to dance my tailfeather off all night long.
I started dragging him out there more and more, and it wasn't that he didn't like to dance because he hates dancing, but because he was shy and was afraid he'd look dumb. Now, he's the one pulling ME out onto the dance floor when we're out! We joke that I've turned him into a dancing machine! So I guess what I'm saying is yes, it can be annoying if people truly hate dancing. But for those shy people that kinda want to but are too shy.. sometimes they just need that little push!
I cant even dance with just myself in my room, let alone a room full of people!!!!
Im kind of freaked about my wedding. My guests wont be seeing me or my FI on the dance floor. Hes not a dancer either.
I read this the other day and thought of this thread. Just about "talking" instead of "dancing".
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-misleading-assumptions-you-make-about-quiet-people/
Sometimes I dont mind being dragged up there. I think people are just trying to help since some people are a bit shy of the dance floor at first but then once they get on the dance floor they never leave.
THANK YOU.
I don't dance, and the last time somebody grabbed my arm and started to pull me against my will, I shoved them. Hard. You should have seen the shock in their eyes.
Rude behavior will be rewarded with even worse behavior!
I'm a really polite person, but I won't be pushed and pulled by anyone.
My uncle keeps reminding me of a story from when he recently attended a wedding: the DJ was the one who kept trying to get everyone on the dance floor. At one point the DJ got on the microphone and stopped all the music. He kept repeating over and over "We need everybody to dance to this next song! Everyone. That means you people over there!!" and points to the table with my uncle and two very elderly people. He kept this up for an awkward few minutes until the DJ finally gave up and played the song. How embarrassing! Not everyone likes dancing. I am going to make sure to remind my DJ that some guests prefer to watch, and that's perfectly fine with me, as long as my guests are having a good time.
LOL! Shit okay..i admit I DOO do that sometimes...but it is only when I truly believe that the person is REALLY shy and I am trying to help them overcome their shyness...I stick to them and try to make them comfertable....lool...is that bad?! haha I really will be more self consious next time I do it!
@RaeTRud: Amen.
Love this post. I'm generally a friendly, happy, easy-going person... until someone tries to help me do something by dragging me along. I'm smiling but if looks could kill... lol. I appreciate that some people are more into dancing than I (and my DH) are. Like others, I would so much rather sit and chat and watch. I'm happy there, really!
@bbutterfly: You have the best of intentions, totally get that. But for someone who is shy, if that's really what it is, being singled out and dragged along can make it way worse. In my shy days, I always appreciated when someone would chat with me for a bit, though, and introduce me to the folks that I didn't know yet! Overcoming shyness comes from being comfortable, and dragging does not lead to comfort. Also, some people are quieter and enjoy listening rather than participating, just by their nature - nothing wrong with that!
Sheesh I love dancing and would be kinda hurt if my guests didn't make an effort to dance at my wedding. Everyone can dance with their FI/DH for a couple of slow songs...
@LoveMySailor1018: Haha, I think it's different when it's your S.O. When DH and I were dating, we dragged each other to plenty of stuff. I was also always willing to say, "I love you, but... NO, dear. NO."
@PinkMagnolia: This is a competely genuine question - why would someone be hurt by non-dancers? I'm sure as a guest at your wedding, I'd be all, "Whoo-hoo, Pink Magnolia and DH, we are so happy for you!" and be social and congratulate you and whatnot. But... My FH and I wouldn't be dancing unless forced. And we'd send a lovely gift and be pleasant and gush about how lovely the wedding was and all that jazz. Would we be bad guests just for not dancing? Seriously, I'm now wondering if we've offended people at their weddings by circulating and chatting but not dancing.
I never want to be the awful guest that the bride and groom vent about later. :)
@canubaYes I think it is slightly rude for not dancing at least a couple times. I think guests should participate in whatever event is going on. I'm not saying you should spend the entire night on the dance floor though. I think that the more people dance the more fun it is for the bride and groom and the more it feels like a "party atmosphere".
I hate shower games, but I participate in them when I go to showers to be nice.
@PinkMagnolia: I can understand the shower thing - I would never not participate joyfully in shower games or whatever, even if they happen to be the kind that stick in my craw - but I guess I think of that as a planned event, at a specific time, like a eating a meal all together or watching the bride-to-be open gifts.
Dancing just seems more personal-choice and also not for a small group at a specific time. I agree standing in the corner being sullen or something would be a detractor, and would be a rude thing to do as a guest. I also never seek out a "party" atmosphere at a wedding, and that's not what we did for our wedding, but I can appreciate that some brides and grooms are going for that.
Thanks for the answer! Always helps to try to see things from another person's perspective.
ETA: Haha, I'm just amused that we differ so drastically in opinion on dancing, but we totally agree on shower games.
@PinkMagnolia: I don't mind the slow songs at all... I am a bit awkward still, but it's not a red-face moment. Everytime I getted dragged to floor it is during a song that actually requires some dance moves that I just don't have! :)
@canuba: I would like people to dance at my wedding, even though I'm not a dancer myself. However, my priority is that my guests have fun and are comfortable. I would feel horrible if I found out my guests danced, even though they were uncomfortable with it, just because that's what I wanted.
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