Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2015 - The Old Courthouse in Cleveland
Okay I’m going to try to keep this to the point, please bear with me!
My FI’s little brother got engaged over a year ago, and have had their wedding planned for summer 2014. My FI and I recently announced our wedding for the summer of 2015 at a venue in which we have paid the $8,000 deposit, and also informed them of our intended 50 day honeymoon (I know it seems long- but as I teacher I have that time in the summer, and he is given a 60 day leave from the military at that time and we have been through a lot of separation and have bugetted and are looking forward to this!)
Shortly after telling them, my FI’s brothers fiance texted me to tell me she is thinking about the same venue. Uhg. Kinda annoying, but its her wedding and she can do what she wants.
Less than 2 weeks after our announcement she texted me again to tell me that they are moving their wedding to the summer of 2015. THEN she texted me again, her exact text “If me and ______ get married would you guys be at the wedding because technically you’d be in the middle of your honeymoon. It’d be literally a month after yours.” (They have never formally anounced any plans, I have only found things out when she texts me)
I could cry! Now it’s the same venue, the same summer, and they are interfereing with our honeymoon plans. If I am being crazy and selfish, please put me in my place. I am so frustrated when their wedding was going to be at the same place I was already a bit sad. Its an hour away from home and there are hundreds of venues in cleveland, but that part I knew wasn’t my business. I feel like she is trying to either sabatoge my plans or compete with me…? We have been together longer and have been planning this for a long time because this is the only time he has extended leave!
btw- not to discredit their relationship, but we have been together longer and are older. They got engaged at 17 after 3 months of dating. That in itself wouldnt be so bad, but the wedding was moved back because he said he wont be ready and her text said “IF”. who says IF when they are engaged?!?!?
Post # 3
How does your FI feel about it? Depending on your FI, I’d just go ahead with your original plans since they were your plans and FI’s bro knew this all along. maybe if you tell them yo can’t go they’ll change thier date.
Post # 4
I would first… take a breath. This girl has changed her flippin mind three times already. I’m sure she’ll change it more. I would be honest. YES we will be missing your wedding, we gave you 2 years notice about our plans. It’s up to you to either work around it, if you would like us there, or if you don’t want us there…. do what you want.
period the end. This is her problem NOT yours. sheesh 2years notice and she’s still screwing it all to hell.
Post # 5
I assume you have been keeping them informed of your plans all along. If so, it’s their choice to plan their wedding for a date when they know you can’t attend. So I would tell them that your plans are set and you don’t intend to change them. If they decide to have their wedding on a date that they knew TWO YEARS in advance you couldn’t attend, then what they’re saying is, “We don’t want you at our wedding.”
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2015 - The Old Courthouse in Cleveland
@Atalanta: Very true! I have been so flustered for the last hour, I hadnt even thought about that. All I could think of was “Oh my gosh! FI has to make it to his little brother’s wedding!!”
FI is not happy about it at all! Ultimately, it’ll be up to him!
Post # 7
Well to be honest, seeing as how they are really young and seem to be putting back their wedding, I wouldn’t worry about it for now. Do they have $8,000 to put down for a deposit? I would express my concern that you might not be able to make it, and hopefully they will consider another date.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t change my plans. You had your venue and honeymoon booked first. They can have their wedding whenever they’d like, but if they know it’s whnen you’re gone that’s their choice to not have you there.
Who knows what could happen between now and 2015 with 17 year olds…
Post # 9
Yep, the “if” says it all. Stick with your plans. Don’t change for anybody, especially people that might get married, maybe, one day, heck they’ve already pushed it back some.
And I cannot stress this enough, stop telling people about the details of your wedding plans. If someone asks and you feel comfortable sharing, then share with them, but otherwise get the date out to everyone who is super important, that you couldnt imagine not having at your wedding, and the rest can find out next year. It is very easy to get burned out on wedding plans.
I haven’t picked a date or sent invitations, but I have a definite venue lined up and it is so unique and perfect and huge and inexpensive, I’m keeping it top secret, about five people know, besides me and FH, and they’re already married, so they won’t be stealing any wedding ideas.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2014 - Carondelet House
Have your FI talk to his brother about it, and explain that your honeymoon is “us” time and you would be upset to be put in the position of having to choose between that and attending his wedding. It’s unfair to put you in that position without a good reason (like upcoming deployment), and he should understand that.
Post # 11
@bananacar: You get one day, it sucks that you would need to either take a break from your honeymoon or cut it short, but it’s your FI”s brother. You don’t get to claim a venue as yours, saying no one else can marry at the same place, you also don’t get to claim the whole summer as your time. I don’t know why they pushed back the wedding, maybe they are working through something, or maybe they realized it was going to cost more then they initially thought, frankly, their reason doesn’t matter.
Post # 12
So they’re 17/18? Oh I wouldn’t be too concerned. It doesn’t sound like this is a for sure thing at all. Go ahead with your plans and tell them that no, you wouldn’t be able to make it if they had their wedding then. They’ll probably change it again anyway.
Post # 13
Just go on your honeymoon. Don’t bend your lives around them. It’s just a wedding!
Post # 14
Also, just read the age 17, engaged after 3 months thing. I bet you ONE MILLION DOLLARS that the wedding never happens. Don’t get worked up in a tizzy over impulsive naive children.
Post # 15
I think she’s just asking! I think she’s not saying, “We’re getting married on this date”, but, “We’re thinking of being married on this date, would you guys be at the wedding because technically you’d be in the middle of your honeymoon”
So you should respond long the lines of, “Yes, we would be on honeymoon and unable to make your wedding if it was on that date. Sorry but we’ve been planning this for a long time… ” etc etc
50 days is a long honeymoon, but you’ve given them 2 years’ notice. And if for some reason that’s the only month that works (e.g. travelling relatives on her side), then stay on honeymoon. Honeymoon trumps someone else’s wedding, IMO, especially when you’ve given notice to people first.
Post # 16
If they want you there, they’ll work around you. That’s what people do for their VIPs.