(Closed) Wedding Date Drama! Can't everyone just be happy!

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2660 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

They are definitely being unreasonable, you did nothing wrong.  You picked the date that works best for you and they did the same.  I will never understand by people think they get to claim a certain time frame in which no other couples can get married.

 

Post # 4
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You were very considerate of their potential wedding. 5 weeks is plenty of time. It’s not your fault that they couldn’t choose a date sooner, they had plenty of time.

Getting married doesn’t mean you get the whole year, or the whole time between engagement and the wedding. If they wanted to get married first, they should have moved faster, you’re not obligated to keep your life on hold for someone else.

I don’t know why the FI of B is upset, it sounds like they are having a destination wedding and yours will be local, so they will be nothing alike. Hopefully it’s just a case of bride brain and the bride of B can move on so that A and B can continue their friendship.

Post # 5
Member
4528 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

They’re being unreasonable. That said, he (she) may feel like they “deserve” to get married first because they were engaged first. As someone waiting for a proposal, it’s tough to see someone dating for less time get engaged. Maybe it’s similar for her. I wouldn’t change your wedding or give into her pettiness though

Post # 6
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@RunsWithBears:  I assume that’s because the WIC has convinced brides that their wedding will be the greatest day of all of their guests lives therefore anything that competes with that day is wrong. When in reality, no one else cares about the wedding as much as the B&G (their parents and potential children being a close second).

Post # 7
Member
4050 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

It’s not as though they had a firm date and then you decided, “Aha! We’ll have our wedding before theirs then!”

No, you waited, and they didn’t have a date picked, and you were ready to pick yours. You were thoughtful in your choice. 5 weeks is plenty of time, and they shouldn’t be getting their panties in a bunch over this, especially since there are few mutual guests.

Post # 8
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

No, you weren’t being unreasonable and it sounds like you were very accomodating as to not choose a date they were interested in.  I hope they don’t think getting married five weeks apart is an issue, because I think you’re absolutely correct that they are entirely different events.  Hopefully, they’ll calm down a bit and not be upset, I think people get caught up in weddings and it adds an extra layer of stress.

Ask her to be a bridesmaid.  Also, even though you definitely did nothing wrong, I might go out of my way to call her and assure her that no one will compare the weddings and that you’re so excited for their big day.  I know some brides worry that they’ll be compared to other weddings, which can be a source of worry.  

Post # 9
Member
2905 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

5 weeks is plenty of time between weddings. They are being silly. I’m going to 5 of my very good friends weddings 95 separate weddings) in the lead up to our wedding. Everyone is friends and not one of us has 5 weeks between weddings. It kinda sucks but it’s wedding season after all. 

Post # 10
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

They are unreasonable. You gave them 9 months to choose a date then when they had a guestimate of a date you chose yours 5 weeks before. There is no rule that says just because they got engaged first they have to get married first. I think you and your FI were more than accomodating to wait as long as you did to book your venue.

Post # 11
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ve seen these questions before and its really strange to me.  When did getting married become no one else can get married?  I’m confused.  I’d understand the hurt feelings if the weddings were right on top of each other, but 5 weeks is a solid bit of time.  Not only that, but did you say y’all were forgoing a honeymoon and spending the money on the trip to their wedding instead?  Heck, I think that’s pretty giving in and of itself.

Post # 12
Member
2613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@anonbee0720:  Unless I misunderstood what you wrote, B and his FI haven’t said anything to you about your date, correct?

If that’s right, then the people you should be upset with are the trouble makers and gossips carrying you tales out of school.  What, exactly, do they hope to accomplish other than creating a problem?

Lets say for a second that B and his FI are bitching to everyone about your date.  Oh well.  Yes, they are being unreasonable.  You don’t owe it to them to plan your wedding around them and yes, five weeks is plenty of time between weddings.  But, if they haven’t said anything to you and are just kvetching – oh well.  Not your issue to deal with – its theirs.

Or, maybe they just made a random comment that’s been taken out of context, misunderstood or exaggerated – then you’re doing them a huge disservice getting angry at them.

Unless they say something directly to you, then I’d forget I’d ever heard anything about it.  And the next time one of your mutual “friends” starts to tell you something they said, tell them you don’t want to hear it.  Also be careful what you say around these people since they like to cause trouble amongst friends. 

Post # 13
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

you sound like you were very considerate and they are being a bit unreasonable.  you waited and waited for them to pick a date.  they can’t expect you to wait until after they’ve picked a date in order to secure your venue.  venues need to be booked one year or more in advance. 

five weeks is more than enough time in between a wedding.  i had to throw three baby showers around the same time as my wedding. one was one month before my wedding. the second was three weeks after my wedding and then another two weeks after that. three out of my six bridesmaids got pregnant.  two dropped out of the wedding party but still attended the wedding and one had to do major alterations on her BM’s dress (gussets we added down the entire length of the dress).  one friend had a baby the day before my wedding.  did anyone to put their engagements, weddings, pregnancies, or even labor on hold because i was getting married?  no. 

Post # 14
Member
1574 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

They are most definitely out of line. I don’t know how many times it needs to be said, BUT YOU ONLY GET ONE DAY!!! Your friend is being very childish to be mad that you are getting married before them, even though they were engaged first, and also incredibly childish in that they feel it’s about ‘one upping’ each other.

I have been engaged since April 2013. A friend of mine got engaged at Christmas time 2013. She is getting married 2 weeks before me, and I am not mad, nor is she mad that I chose to get married two weeks after she did.

I would just ignore it unless they bring it up directly to you (which I get the feeling won’t happen, since they seem to be content only discussing it with mutual friends), and if they do bring it up with you and your FI, tell them exactly what I say above. THEY ONLY GET ONE DAY! And it’s their own problem that they were flip flopping about the date for so long!

Post # 15
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@anonbee0720:  I agree with the previous posters and think B and his fiancee are being unreasonable. The only situation that I feel it is rude to select a date before another couple is when you are siblings, especially if your parents are financing both weddings. I’ve heard friends mention how they wish certain weddings were more spread out, but if your wedding is an inconvenience to someone, they do not need to be there. I even had two of my teacher BMs ask me why I planned my wedding after the school year begins; I told them that I work 12 months out of the year and manage to make it to weddings on the weekends, so they should be fine. Prepare yourself, as everyone will have an opinion on your wedding, but it’s YOUR wedding, NOT THEIRS 🙂

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