(Closed) Wedding Date Drama…

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Are you realted to quoted by any chance?

She just got engaged, as in she hasn’t planned anything?  Do you feel close enough to her to be able to talk about it without her jumping off the deep end?  If you feel like you could have a level headed discussion, maybe you could point out what having her wedding when she is, will do in terms of $$ to these OOT guests.   But she might be thinking she really wants a wedding for a certain time of year and doesn’t want to wait a year to be married, just to make you happy.  Maybe being married is more important to her than having every family member at her wedding.  I don’t know.  Also, not to sound like a jerk, but it’s not her fault that you have an 16 month engagement.  (I’m not blaming you.  I had one too.)

A couple of thoughts.

First, if it comes down to the family choosing between the weddings I would think simply logically, they might just say, you had your wedding planned first, so they’ll go to yours.  But how far way are they?  Are we talking everyone is going to have to ge on a plane? 

Second, how about she actually move her wedding to the week before yours?  Sounds crazy, but that way maybe the OOT guests could take a week’s vacation and just spend the time with family.  Maybe your Fi and cousin could host a family reunion.  I was a guest in a similar situation.  It sounded stressful, but the fact that the weddings were one week apart, allowed me to go to both.  If they were a month apart, I would not have been able to.  (And I think the first reaction from the brides was that it would be better to have the weddings a little further apart.  Glad they didn’t.)  And everything went really well.  Both brides had their day.  No overshadowing.

Post # 5
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hurricane Season Smuricane Season- no one worries about unless you are a non-local. How much family are we talking about losing here?

I agree with the above poster that your wedding is planned first, so logically they would probably attend yours. Also, I don’t know if you have sent out your invites yet, but if you haven’t send them out before hers. If her wedding is 2 weeks before, then send then invites 2 weeks before she should send them, but only to the mutual family. You should send the rest of the invites at a normal time

Talk to you FI’s mother or grandmother about it since they have the neice/granddaughter that is the problem. I’m sure they could work it out.

Post # 6
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Is she close to your fiancee? We planned our wedding for two weeks before my fiancee’s cousin, and I didn’t think twice about it. It’s a person we never see and probably wouldn’t have come to our wedding anyway. We didn’t even think about when their wedding would be when we picked a date – we just picked one that worked for us. That’s probably what your fiancee’s cousin did too.

Post # 8
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I don’t want to seem rude, because you have some very real concerns re: family overlap, but I think it’s important for all brides-to-be to remember that we get a wedding day, not a wedding month or wedding season. While your cousin may be inconsiderate for not thinking about the family who will have to travel twice to be at both weddings, she’s most likely making choices based on what’s best for herself and her groom, just like you probably are.

I think it’s definitely wise to send your invites out early, and it might help if you could secure some good rates at local hotels to cut the costs for any guests who will choose to travel twice. 

At the end of the day, if your FH truly matters to these relatives, they’ll be at your wedding if they possibly can. 

Good luck! I hope this helps! 

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