Post # 1
Hello! New here. My bf and I have picked out the ring and now I’m just waiting! He wants to surprise me (even though he knows I hate surprises! lol) and we have to wait for other friend/family weddings to pass because I don’t want to steal their spotlight.
My question is about setting a date. I LOVE fall weddings. My family lives local to us, his is more spread out. We both HATE the summer. Hate the heat, hate the cost of summer weddings, and I’ve had my heart set on the fall forever. He also wants it in the fall. He couldn’t care less about whether or not people make it (we’d elope if he had his way) but I do. I don’t want to start out with my family/your family drama.
We are looking at having it on a Sunday during a long weekend. Should we just set the date and hope his family can make it or should we ask the select few we’re questioning if the date works? People could fly in Friday night or Saturday and fly back on the Monday holiday.
His mother is one of those if things don’t work out for her the entire event is ruined. She’s the one I worry most about (she’s also the one I think will actually give us a hard time). She comes to visit every summer, so a few of his family weddings have all been during the summer. I don’t want her to miss it (obviously) but I also don’t feel I should plan our day (and budget!!!!) around her.
We’ve already talked about paying for her flight (1. to avoid drama, 2. to make sure she is able to make it) to make it easier because we know she’ll bring up money as an issue.
If we do decide to do it on a long weekend, how long in advance should we send out save the dates? I feel like we should give people more than ebough time to plan their time.
Sorry if this has been asked before. I know I must sound crazy not even being engaged, but it’s something I’ve been worrying about for a few days now and I need some help for my own sanity lol.
Post # 2
EDIT: They could fly back on the Monday holiday
Post # 3
Kaites4: Welcome to the Bee!
Are you looking at a fall wedding this year?
If you want a fall ’15 weddng, then you’ve probably got enough time to relax for now.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
Congrats on being pre-engaged! There is no need to apologize as each relationship’s dynamics is unique.
My DH and I skipped save-the-dates, to save on postage/costs. We simply told everyone by word-of-mouth or by email; invites were sent 3 months before the wedding. I would say this: don’t stress over who can come. Your guests might give you weak excuses why they cannot come. Just be prepared to come up with a polite response when guests send their regrets. Have a list of A-list and B-list guests. Also, I cannot stress enough on proper communication on who gets to invite; my cute and excitable mother extended invites without clearing the maximum capacity with me. It worked out in the end though.
Post # 5
I agree not to stress about who can come… in theory lol. I just don’t want his mother to make a big deal about it not being during her annual summer visit. I don’t want her not to be there and I know my bf won’t be happy with it either. If we stand our ground about it not being in the summer I’m afriad it’ll be hell. I guess we should wait and see what happens.
Post # 6
Do you live in the states? If so, you could probably do it the weekend of Columbus Day (Sat-Mon). I’m not sure if flights would be significantly more expensive since it’s not like, a major US holiday?
I’d say pick a date that YOU are happiest with. She’s not going to miss her son’s wedding, so she’ll come around to whatever date is chosen. Remember, you and your FI will be starting your new lives together- you two should be ready to make the decisions and not let others dictate them for you.
In terms of when to send out save the dates, I think the average is like 5-6 months? If you do it over a holiday, maybe send them a little bit earlier, in case people have other plans they have to change. The people who really and truly care about you will make the effort to attend your wedding. Those who don’t? Maybe you wouldn’t really want them at your wedding anyway :/
Personally, I’m like you. We chose a Fall wedding because we hated the idea of having a summer one in the blistering heat. And it turned out that Sunday happened to be the cheapest option for us, so hello Oct. 25, 2015!
Post # 7
Kaites4: I feel your pain on trying to avoid drama, it seemed to happen anyways haha.
I agree that she won’t miss her sons wedding. I think you should pick the date that works for you. My brother and his family fly home to visit every summer, my FI and I HATE the summer heat as well… we picked a winter wedding. Their solution was to skip this summer visit and come in the winter instead. In my opinion it’s a nicer visit for a wedding! You get to see all of your family in one place and you don’t have to travel around to everyones houses during your visit.
If your nervous you can ask her about it, but ultimately you’ll have to pick what works best for you two. 🙂
Post # 8
Kaites4: Are you and your FI looking to have a Fall 2015 wedding? If so, you have plenty of time to plan and do what you need to in a timely fashion.
We’re setting in stone our Wedding date (July 2015) in just a few weeks (signing contracts with the ceremony and reception sites). Because we also have many out of town guests that will have to travel from all over, we will send out the save the dates in late Oct/early Nov. We want to make sure everyone has enough time to save and plan, should they wish to make it for the wedding. Money is a big issue for some people, they need more time to save for such a big expense, so I totally see your concern.
As for a date, I mean… You can’t please everyone. I would stick to a date that you and FI would like. With allowing others to know far in advance, they should be able to plan around it if they wish to come to your wedding. I wouldn’t stress too much right now. Just relax and enjoy your impending proposal and engagement!
Post # 9
You can let people know the date by word of mouth or sending save the dates. Save the dates are typicaly sent out 6-12 months before the wedding. If you are set on doing a holiday weekend, then the sooner you let people know, the better so that they don’t make conflicting vacation plans. Plus, flights and hotel rooms are oftentimes significantly more expensive on holiday weekends, so advance notice is helpful for guests to plan for that. No matter how much notice you give them, there will always be people who can’t make it, so prepare yourself for that now (easier said than done).
I personally didn’t want a summer wedding either and wedding books, magazines, and blogs make it seem like you can save a ton of money by not getting married in the summer. I found that not to be true, at least where I live. A fall wedding cost just as much as a summer wedding. That might be something you want to look into. Specifically, our venue only offers off-season pricing (which isn’t much actually) from Nov 1-Feb 28. (which is why we are having a November wedding, lol). We originally considered Sunday of a 3 day weekend, and I was also surprised that Sunday cost the same as Saturday almost everywhere. There were a couple venues with smaller guest minimums on Sundays compared to Saturdays, but that was it. I actually read somewhere that more people get married in October than any other month. As for other vendors (flowers, music, cake, DJ, etc), they have the same pricing year round and I never found a single one who offers any discounts during off season or on Sundays. It may be different where you live, but you may want to look into that. 🙂
Post # 10
Kaites4: She might be happy that its not during her annual summer visit
That way she can visit twice
Also set a date that works for you and you FI first. Everyone else will find a way to make it there. You are going to drive yourself crazy during the planning process if you continually keep overthinking things
Post # 11
Probably at least 80% of my guests will be from out of town. I’m going to ask the most important people (bridal party, family on both sides, etc) before we pick the date to make sure it’s okay. I also plan to do save the dates so the rest of the guests also know where it is.
In my area, fall weddings are the most popular, and therefore the most expensive. You might want to double-check vendor prices if the budget is a major factor!
Post # 12
Kaites4: You’re going to buy her ticket and give her ample notice of the date. If she puts up a fight just because she would rather the wedding be in the summer, that’s none of your concern. If she supports her son she will be there regardless.
Time to stand your ground and stop worrying about how his mommy will react. Don’t let her make this process any more stressful than it needs to be. This doesn’t mean being disrespectful but it does mean making your own choices and standing firm in those.
Post # 13
Thank you everyone. She is a professor so I know she can’t comein the fall instead of the summer. But if we’re paying for her flight maybe she won’t care. Fingers crossed!
Post # 14
When picking our date FI and I checked in with the VIP’s before we decided on anything. We wanted a fall wedding but it was far more important to us that our VIP’s could come. So we checked the date with my mom, my brother my grandmother and her husband and my uncle as well as my great aunt & uncle. For FI’s side, we checked it with his parents, his sister, his grandparents. Those were our VIP’s and I know we didn’t “need” to check in with anyone, but we wanted these people there and were willing to sacrifice our fall wedding hopes if our VIP’s couldn’t make it.
Thankfully all our VIP’s can make it. Even my great aunt & uncle who are in Pittsburgh Pensylvania.
Post # 15
Kaites4: Then cancel her annual Summer trip (due to busy planning) and pay for her hotel for 2 nights in the Fall during your wedding, or let her arrange with a family member who is also coming to your wedding, to return with them and fly back from there.