Wedding Date issues due to family illness

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Talk to your dad and mom and listen to their opinions.  You might be surprised by what they have to say on the mater.  Other than your FH and you, your parent’s are going to be the people that you most want their on your wedding day.

Post # 4
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would have the wedding as soon as you can just in case. Honestly cancer can be a lifelong battle, there may never be a good time to have the wedding. I would just plan the wedding and pray that he will be able to be there. Things can change daily so I wouldn’t plan around a current condition. 

Post # 5
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@melizabe:  talk to your dad. I know if it were my dad, I would even push the date up. I would do anything to have him there. Sending lots of well wishes to you, your dad and your family. 

Post # 6
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

I’m going to be the Debbie Downer of this thread and for that I apologize. My dad had cancer for six weeks (that we knew about). Just six weeks and that was it.

If I were in your shoes I’d talk to your dad, and talk to your fiance. I’d tell your dad you’d like him to be at your wedding and ask for his thoughts. And check with your fiance to see when he feels he’ll be ready.
Then I’d plan a wedding- even if it’s a small homemade backyard affair- for the nearest date the both of them can agree on.

I hope your father has a long and healthy life ahead of him. I’d give the world to have my dad back; and if I were in your shoes now I’d plan for a quick wedding because the alternative reality of not having your dad there… sucks.

Post # 7
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sorry to hear about your dad because a cancer diagnosis is really devastating. Worse, it isn’t something that you can easily plan around but instead, has to be taken step by step. Unfortunately, I’ve become a bit of an expert in this since my DH has fairly advanced cancer and is undergoing pretty constant treatment. What I would say is that most cancer patients don’t want the world to stop and also, planning ahead is a positive step and being positive is a huge help in dealing with cancer.

So I’d talk to your dad and get his thoughts about your wedding. If it is some time since he was diagnosed with cancer he’ll have an idea what is planned so far as treatment is concerned and the effects of those treatments.  You can’t second guess cancer or how it’ll behave but for sure, I am 100% certain that his dearest wish will be to walk you down the aisle. So be guided by when he thinks the time is right. Best wishes to you all. 

 

Post # 8
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@melizabe:  I have an opinion, and then I also have a story.

I agree with other pp, in that you should ask your dad what he thinks. Probably the best way to go about things would be to plan a wedding for sooner rather than later, in town.

My MIL had cancer 3 times. This last time, for about 2 years. We really thought she was going to get better. We got engaged in late December, and started planning. We wanted to get married in Mexico, an idea MIL had voiced support for when she was doing better. 3 weeks into planning we were about to book our resort… And then we all learned that her cancer would be terminal this time. I hated to bring up anything wedding, but I really needed to get her opinion on what we should do… So I offered to cut the guest list drastically and have it in town instead.

She said no, not to do that because we didn’t know how much time she had. (My plan was to get married at their house before leaving for mexico, and arranging dinner for just our immediate families so that she could be there.) So then I planned our wedding while MIL was wasting away. 🙁 I felt like such an asshole, but MIL insisted. She passed away 6 weeks later, on the day we received our invitations.

Luckily for me, I had an opportunity to explain to the rest of the family that I was carrying on with the whole destination plan with MIL’s blessing… I was imagining how bad the whole thing would look from the outside. MIL was a verrrry straight forward/direct/pragmatic lady, so this didn’t surprise anyone. Her sister, my auntie in law later thanked me for explaining what was going on. (I was relieved at this, because I wasn’t sure I should bring it up and I thought maybe she already knew.) Then auntie in law sat beside me at the funeral and we cried our eyes out together.

DH and I had been together for 8 years at this point, so I was close with his parents and devastated to lose her. It is difficult to handle cancer and wedding at the same time, I imagine doubley so when it’s your own parent that is sick.

But it can be done.

You can involve your dad remotely through the process. Like, when I went dress shopping MIL was too ill to come so I took sneaky pictures and sent her emails showing the dresses and asked her what she thought. I think this kind of thing might be a nice distraction.

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. If you haven’t gotten a really bad prognosis yet, he may just pull through and go on to live for many more years. I hope he does. 🙂

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