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While your boyfriend is being cute, he probably isn't being realistic. He has no idea how far in advance you have to plan a wedding and probably thinks that you just pick a date and the wedding will just happen. Tell him you love the idea of next September but if that is the case, you need to have started planning yesterday. Also tell him you don't want to plan until it is official, so he either needs to make it official or pick a different month.
My FI and I started planning (booked the date, venues and photographer) before I had the ring - mainly because it was more important to me to get married next year than to get the ring before planning.
But it all depends where you sit if you really want it to be official before planning than wait but you may have to wait an extra year if you want to get married in sept!
I think it's great he's picked a date and all, but I agree that he needs to make it official. However, research and planning doesn't hurt while he's getting the "official" part of it taken care of. Once you have some plans and want to make it official with some vendors, then is the time to start nagging. Hopefully he'll be ahead of you and will have made his steps.
I agree with the rest of the bees here. A ring makes it official. Starting to plan without it is like putting the cart before the horse. I would hold off on any planning until he has officially proposed.
You don't need a ring to make it official. But you should make sure it *is* official before you start planning.
I feel your pain. I'm afraid I don't have any advice -- everyone else has covered it -- but I can definitely commiserate.
Mr. Pink and I agree we'll be married next summer, preferably in June, though we'd be open to July if prices are substantially better. We want a smallish wedding or elopement, but I made it very clear I'd need a minimum of 6 months to plan. (My family and friends are mostly out-of-state.) I've told my parents. He's discussed specifics with his family.
Personally, I don't need a ring to make it official. I'd love one, but he's the traditionalist who thinks it's necessary, not me. However, I do need an actual proposal. *sigh*
I feel your pain...I am sitting in the same situation. Either we start planning now and get dirty looks from people who think it's not official, or we don't start, and wind up doing everything in a rush. It's a tough spot.
If you WANT a ring to make it official, then yes, you DO need a ring to make it official, before you go finalizing dates and such. It's YOUR engagement (okay, both you and your guy's, but let's be honest, even he knows it's all about the bride!!), you deserve to have it be the way you want, and your guy needs to respect that! And it sounds like what you want includes wedding planning while you are actually engaged! I am totally with Jocelyn -- it's time to put your foot down, and give him a dose of reality.
No ring is fine maybe he will save his money and give you a big shinny rock down the road.
I think it's fun to start thinking/planning - ie: think through what kind of wedding you'd want, etc. - but nothing serious until the ring appears. I'd also casually mention it to your BF that your mom wanted to start planning based on what he said, but you are going to wait. That will communicate to him that nothing is really official until he proposes.
I think that the ring is just a material object. I am waiting to plan for it, but I think it's a bit silly that even if you know you're getting married, and know when you want to get married that you should have to wait for the ring. A committment is a committment- with or without the jewelry. Do what you feel comfortable with and don't let anyone stop you from being engaged even if you don't have the diamond. At least that's my opinion.
So we officially picked Sept 4th 2010 and my parents but down the deposit today. Still NO RING!!! He says its on its way, it better be ASAP!!!
congratulations!! (that's beyonce's bday btw) and i love her!! so you'll be celebrating with celebrities!! yay on putting the deposit down and choosing the date! maybe your parents know something that you don't know? usually parents aren't so gong-ho (sp?) to begin planning unless they know it's serious.
It's always nice to hear there's other bee's in the same position! Mine has bought "the setting" and I don't know if he's done the stone yet! Of course, I left for a week long business trip not long after and he could have very well picked a stone up! We've been tentatively scheduled for the church and photographer. Luckily, our church is ours and doesn't require a down payment for a long time and since I'm a photographer, I know the person who will be shooting and he has graciously agreed to tentatively put me down... although I'll have to get my money to him ASAP if anyone comes asking about my date before it's official!
Other than that I'm actually pretty chill right now. Because I'm a wedding vendor myself I'm already aware of who most of my vendors are. Our Parents don't know about our "tentative" plans yet so it's hard to do much else until we know our whole budget. Our plans aren't really "tentative" though. Our first meeting with our Priest is next week!
I'm mainly waiting on the ring and hoping it comes soon as my parents live out of the COUNTRY and will be in town for Thanksgiving. I thought for "sure" I'd have it by then so trying to convince my mom that she needed to stay a few extra days without saying "I want to have you here for dress shopping or venue shopping, etc..." was hard. It's going to be even rougher if I DON'T have the ring by then! ugh
@KLP: trust me when I say we're in the same position (i'm an event designer) and i find it hard because i know exactly what vendors i'd love to use, exactly WHERE i'd like the wedding, etc. we don't have an exact date nor does he have a setting etc. i am more in the pre-waiting stage of waiting lol! i think there are three stages: 1. waiting for him to say hey it's a great idea for us to get married 2. him actually going to purchase the ring, or setting 3. he has the ring and setting in his possession and just needs to ask the big question... i also want to get engaged around the holidays (christmas) because it's my favorite holiday and we'll be home visiting my parents and it would be so fun to go out with my mom dress shopping, even if i don't get the dress, you know....
I can see how it would be a little frustrating if it's not how you imagined it, or even not feel "official" without the ring, but the man you loved asked you to be his wife!! it's easy to get wrapped up in all the superficial aspects of a wedding and forget that it's whole purpose is to celebrate the lifelong commitment you guys have decided to make. it's totally understandable to want things, and even be disappointed when they don't work out like we thought, but make sure you'd still want forever with him no matter what...even if he never buys a ring.
That's great that you set the date! We started planning before we were officially engaged. It happens, one of my bm's did this too. My boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 years and always planned to get married after he graduated from college. He was in the air national guard so he started school two years after I did. It was driving me crazy to wait but I knew it would all be worth it in the end. We wanted to get married in May because that is the month of our dating anniversary but it didn't work out so we are getting married in June. Not making it official does make it problematic which is part of the reason we had to move our date. Anyhow, my boyfriend started his job in July and we got engaged in August!!! I felt like I had been waiting forever but like I said, it was worth it. Prior to getting engaged we booked our church, reception venue, and DJ. I didn't really go around telling people although pretty much everyone found out. Some people thought we were crazy, but as I said, we were just being proactive!! I am glad that we started planning when we did because I secured all the really important aspects of our wedding like the church and the venue.
Well...I would just say "I'm only gonna say this one time so I'm not forcing the issue but its really important to me that I get my e-ring b4 I start to plan the greatest day of our lives" and leave it at that.
Side note: I went to a bridal show in like January of this year and when I came home I just told my fiance...we're getting married June 19th, 2010. He was like...what?!? Lol. Eventually he came around...I started planning way before I got my ring. I started planning in March and I got my ring in July!
We're sort of planning without a ring. We already have a lot of stuff worked out, including an unofficial date of next December 11. The thing is, he refuses to propose without a ring, so I can't do anything official yet. It's a little frustrating, because I feel like now is a perfect time to start planning for next December, but there's only so much you can do without a set-in-stone date.
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Good morning bees,
I am feeling a little frustrated this morning and needed to vent/ get some support. Two weekends ago my BF, my parents and myself went out to dinnner I got up to use the restroom and my BF told my parents that we would be getting married next Sept! This is the month that I always wanted to get married in and thought it would be great. My Mom took that info and has ran with it. I want to be really excited to but there is still NO RING!!!! He tells me he has plans to give it to me at any moment. Why am I not thrilled like I thought I would be? My Mom says we should move ahead and begin planning the wedding officially...am I jumping the gun? We are only 11 months away at this time. I don't want to nag about the ring but it is really important to me to make it official in my eyes.