Post # 1
I would like to hear some other peoples opinions on my situation.
Is a month too short a time to have between weddings?
My brother and his fiance got engaged over the summer and are planning on a wedding in May and I got engaged at the beginning of this month and want to have my wedding in April.
Now before you think I’m a horrible person let me give a little more information here. My fiance and I have been together for 6yrs and just haven’t been financially able to get married until now.
My brother and his fiance have only been together for a year maybe two? I’m not really sure she is very secretive and wanted their realtionship to be a secret in the beginning.
Anyways, My fiance and I are planning an outdoor weddinng so we need a time of year when the weather is not going to be freezing or ungodly hot as this is the south. fiance’s Grandparents are also not in very good health so we need to have the wedding ASAP so that they are still here and on top of that one of my best friends who now lives out of state is in a very difficult schooling program and the first two weekends of April are the only time he would be able to make it to the wedding in the near future.
Well before booking our venue I wanted to discuss all this with my brother and his fiance. Somehow word got out to her that we were considering an April wedding before I could talk to them and I was told she was upset. So I wrote her a very nice message explaing our situation to her and apologizing for the distance between and I explained to her that I really didn’t see it affecting their day since My brother and I are not close with our extended family at all and with there being a family reunion in June I highly doubted any of them would bother to fly here only to come back a month later for the reunion.
now my brother could care less and I thought this would soomth things over with here. Boy was I wrong she wrote me a very nasty letter saying how dare I set my date a month before her wedding why couldn’t I wait several months after and said she could care less if any out of town family care to hers but that she was mad I would be stealing her thunder and that now my immediate family wouldn’t care about my brothers wedding.
My family is not crazy and they will be just as excited for my brothers wedding as they are for mine and besides she hasn’t included any of my family in her plans they have no idea whats going on with the wedding so I really don’t understand what her issue is. I wrote her a very nice letter back again apologise and explaining that with my fiance’s grandparents failing health we really can’t wait to have it any longer and told her that I’m here to help with whatever she needs as is my family. I might add that I’m a photographer and offered to photograph their wedding as a gift I’m going to be putting a lot of free work into her wedding so I don’t understand why she’s so bent out of shape.
Am I the one being crazy here?
Post # 3
I am sorry but I would feel the same way if my brother/sister did that to me too! 🙁
Post # 4
I think a month is a fine gap between family weddings. My BIL got married 10 days after us and it wasn’t a major deal and nor did it lessen either of our weddings.
Set your date for when it best works for you and your fiance.
Post # 5
oo- thats a hard one…. If I were her I’d be really peeved about it as well (though mostly b/c alot of my family would have to choose one event over the other b/c they don’t have the funds for two weddings in a single month). However, given that you wrote her a nice letter explaining the grandparents failing health & other scheduling issues she should have at least tried to be understanding (that & you’ve been together for 6yrs, sorry for them but that takes priority!)…. I guess I’m just saying I’d be conficted- happy you two are finally able to get hitched while feeling bad about the timing issue, but also mad that its before my wedding (I’d feel like my wedding was going to be compared to yours by the same guests)….
Post # 7
I can understand why she would be upset.
Are you *trying* to “steal her thunder” ? Why not make the wedding around the same time as the reunion?
Post # 8
Unless there were an issue with out-of-town, extended family being unable to attend both weddings that closely together (and, from your post, it does not sound as if that is the case), I don’t think there is a problem.
Post # 9
I would be upset. I understand you don’t mean harm to her, but I can see how your family may be more into your wedding just because it is happening first. They may be burnt out from weddings after yours if they are really involved too. Also since she planned her wedding date first I think it would have been more respectful to consult her than make a decision beforehand.I know you didn’t book the date yet but I guess when you tell others about it then she assumes you made the choice although nothing has been paid.
It is very nice of you to offer help with her wedding. And I get that your FI’s grandparents are elderly so it makes it harder to prolong a wedding date. Are they sick right now? If so maybe ask your brother to explain that to her. If they’re not sick it be hard to justify having the wedding earllier.
I think it be best for either you or youR brother to have the conversation with her in person to avoid any possible conflict that may be misconstrued through tone in a letter.
Post # 10
Honestly if it was me, I’d be upset too.
Post # 11
I’d be annoyed. A month later? Fine. A month before, when they picked their date first? Yeah, it would tick me off.
Post # 12
Yes his grandparents are sick now His grandfather is battling cancer and probably doesn’t have much longer and his grandmother is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s.
There really isn’t an issue with any guest overlapping as I said before my family is not close with any of our out of town extended family.
and as far as hlep with planning mine I’m in another city 1 1/2 to 2 hrs away so I really doing most of it on my own and she has a huge family with lots of sisters helping her
Post # 13
I agree with sitting down with your brother and telling her about the grandparents in person. Maybe it will seem more sincere in person than an email. I think my first reaction would be like hers but after I heard it in person and knew it was a good reason I would be more ok with it! Good luck!
Post # 14
why not go for the month of march? the gap is even larger then…and the weather in the south is pretty nice in march. it may still tick her off cuz you’re getting married before her, even though you got engaged later. but at least it’s not the month before.
Post # 15
I might have an issue with that. It just requires a lot from all of your guests (assuming you would be inviting some of the same people). But if its the only time you can get married- Go for it!
Post # 16
I was thinking I would probably be ticked off to, but seeing how the grandfather is battling cancer and grandma is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers I would agree that waiting is not really an option. Im a girl from Tennessee and I can tell you that even in March its still pretty cool. April is perfect for outdoor weddings. If you wait til June it will be hotter than three hells I know this because my first wedding was in June outside, thanks to my former MIL who thought it would be perfect. It was outdoors and the icing on my wedding cake literally melted even in the shade. It ended up being 98 degrees in the evening time.
I say just continue being nice, talk to your brother and have him explain the sick grandparent issue.