Weddingbee boards

HELP!!!!

So my Future MIL, God bless her, she is really sweet, but I already see problems coming up and I am getting VERY frustrated.

My FH and I just wanted a simple wedding, with friends and family and a cake reception. Just simple, nice and not very expensive (we would rather put more money towards the house than the wedding).

So I get in the car with FMIL and her sister-n-law and the wedding talk starts. It starts off with simple, well how many ppl, what are your wedding colors, etc.... Then it goes into well I could get silver punch bowl, silver trays, and candlelabras. Stuff that we don't really need for our simple, outdoor wedding! Then we start talking about expenses, and that we want to keep them down and not have a big reception or a lot of ppl there. (by this time ive mentioned small wedding several times)

She seemed to totally agree that we should do what we wanted.

Then we start talking about guests. She had already mentioned before putting the wedding in the bulletin at church. Since my FH has been going there forever and the entire church knows him.

I asked with we could invite everyone to the wedding shower, but only a few close ppl to the wedding b/c we wanted to keep it small. Well, she didnt think that was right (and I dont know if it is either) ans she mentioned again that it would also save us invitation if we put the wedding in the bulletin.

So I mentioned small wedding again......

At that point I just hushed up and I am still rather frustrated.

Later talked  to FH and just asked if we could just *please* elope. We talked about it for a while, and he said it was whatever I wanted. Then I asked for what he wants, and he said small wedding and reception. Ok, great! We've agreed and small wedding is fine with me.

So I later talked to my mom, and she agrees that the wedding should be what my FH and I want, not want someone else wants us to do, especially since I am paying for the wedding.

Now, I can't decide how to plan our day. A family friend is letting us use their house and yard for the wedding (also hence keeping it small since it isn't our home) and we WERE going to just have the wedding in the yard and then the cake reception on the deck.

What my mom suggested, to keep everyone happy, is have a small wedding and have a pot luck reception at the church the next weekend(that way FMIL can put it in the bulletin and its not very expensive)

Is that ok to do? Would we still have a wedding shower and 'ask' for gifts? Anyone have any better suggestions?

Im just totally frustrated, I have 3.5 months to plan the wedding and all I want to do is go away and get married. I'm not look forward to this at all. Well I was, but Im not now. I guess I just want to have a good relationship with my FMIL and I don't want to start it out on the wrong foot, but I don't want this wedding to be about her.

Ugh, any help would be great bees.

please?!

This is a real tough one.  You want to incorporate as much of your mother and FMIL's vision into your wedding as you can but at the same time, you need to stick with what YOU and your FH really want. Is there any way to approach her in a manner that shows you've really taken what she says to heart, but don't really know how its possible without a bigger budget? Or perhaps letting your FH discuss it with his mother when you aren't around, so she can see its not just you but both you and FH's idea to keep the ceremony/reception small?

I think a small wedding/reception and then a bigger celebration/laid back BBQ type affair after the fact could be great!  With wedding costs these days, I don't see anybody who'd blame you... have you approached your FMIL with that idea?

 This is such a touchy subject and you know your FMIL better than we do, so we can only give some small suggestions, but i hope it helps! :)