- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I am so happy that I married my best friend last month and the most part of our wedding day was honestly the best day of my life. I do have regrets about the day that I can’t stop thinkin about and that I am so upset about to the pooint that I feel sick when I think about it and can’t get it out of my head.
Our day was perfect and we had put so much time into planning it with so many little details. However I feel that I ruined the evening do of the wedding by drinking too much wine and I regret it so much it really hurts inside to trhink about it.
I think brides being drunk is so tacky yet I drank way too much. There are no excuses but due to a combination of my dress being tied so tight (I was paranoid I would look fat) i didn’t eat during at all other than a few tiny mouthfulls, my wine glass was constantly being topped up and due to a serious foot injury 2 weeks before the wedding the shoes I had killed, i tried to take them off and walk with flats on but my dress had been cut longer so all that happened was I tripped over the front.
So I spent a large part of the evening do sitting on the terrace with friends and some famil and chatting and again the drinks were flowing and my glass was topped up a lot more than I realised (my fault for not paying attention). The people I sat with were old work colleagues for whom a large part of our friendships had been in the past based on going out for drinks and drinking too much. Some of them are into drugs which is something I would never do. I am concerned as they made some innappropriate jokes about how I have changed and they could tell a few stories about me when I used to go out lots (which I really don’t do much at all now). I am concerned that other friends, family and current colleagues may think I have some sort of sordid past (which is very untrue) for one thing.
I am also so sad that after all the effort we put into our big day I missed the socialising with so many people and spent the evening in a way I regret – dancing at the end of the night with my husband who had been doing the rounds and socialising too was a brilliant ending though.
My husband was upset with me when he came upstairs as my bridesmaid had got me out of my dress (which he wanted to do) and also that we didn’t consumate our marriage on our wedding night.
Even writing this down I feel soooo stupid and like I ruined the whole wedding. My family and friends all disagree but don’t realise the strength to which I feel this.
I feel physically sick and like I can’t bear to live the rest of our lives knowing that I tarnished an otherwise perfect day and that I can’t do anything about it. I am such an idiot and don’t know what to do. I have spoken to my husband about this but I don’t want to keep on about it as I feel the more I talk about my regrets, the more I may tarnish his memory of what was the happiest day (until the evening that I regret). How can I live with this horrible knowledge that I ruined the start of our amazing married life?