(Closed) Wedding day regrets – all my own fault

posted 5 years ago in Recaps
Post # 3
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

First of all, step away from the idea that your wedding day is supposed to be the best/most perfect/most important day of your life.

That’s such a pervasive part of wedding rhetoric that it’s hard to do, but really, if you think about it, it would be foolish to have Day One be the best day, and have everything else be downhill from there. Instead, focus on having your marriage grow better and better over time. Yeah, you made some mistakes at the beginning. That gives you a place to go: focus on growing more mature from here on out, getting to know your husband better, growing closer with him, etc.

A wedding is just a beginning, not a culmination. You have many more wonderful days of marriage in your future!

Post # 4
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ouch, reading this I could feel a little bit of your pain and I am sorry you feel this way.

The great thing about marriage is that you’ll have your entire lives together to make it up to him through listening, learning, apologizing for the mistakes you make and working together to not fall for the same mistakes again and of course playful sex. There was a thread on here a little while back about what the wedding night was really like and most of the girls did not have sex with their husbands, they waited until the honeymoon/vacation. 

So you drank too much, you were enjoying your wedding. Maybe you had too much to drink but no one is going to hold it against you and you shouldn’t hold it against yourself, it was an accident, but still your wedding. Your husband did a wonderful job picking up the wedding party and thanking everyone, he helped you. 

If it really bothers you why not cook a wonderful meal and instead of alcohol switch it out for juice or even lemonade and have a good time together, cemente to him that you have a good time without alcohol and in turn you can prove to yourself that you are not that kind of person that those co-workers remembered and that you had a night of mis-judgement. 

I want to really drive this home though – it was your wedding, a time where drinking is normally comensed don’t beat yourself up about it too much. You have a new life to start with your amazing husband and that one night will not dictate what your future holds as individuals and as a couple, don’t let it. Own up to your mistake but then forgive yourself. 

Also….a few years down the road you can have a vow renewal ceremony and keep things simple if you’d like.

Post # 5
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I drank too much, as well.  I always had a glass of wine in my hand.  My DH also drank too much.  Everyone was having such an awesome time that people started doing shots – big mistake.  We were having fun, and thats all that matters. I definitely felt the effects of my actions on the day after though 🙁

My grandma even told my DH that he had enough to drink.  My mom told me the next day that by the end of the night she couldn’t understand what I was saying.  Ooops!

Live and learn, I guess. 

I’m not a huge partier either.  I just let go for once, and had a great time with a bunch of great people.

Try not to feel too bad 🙂

PS:  We didn’t do it the night of our wedding, but we made up for it 3 times in the morning 😉

Post # 6
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Wow…I can’t think of a single reason why you should be upset with yourself…at all. 

I can’t be certain, but I would imagine you spent a considerable amount of time and energy planning this wedding and reception, no small sum of money and then literally had a panic attack every hour on the hour in the two weeks leading up to it….right?  Probably didn’t sleep real well the night before, ran through a blur of tortuous and unusual beautification rituals prior, bound yourself up in mountains on monece satin and got married, which is fucking scary, ok?  No one tells you that, but it is, not that you don’t love that person, or aren’t ready, it’s just scary.  So you were in prime shape to pass out where you were standing without any help from alcohol.

And the wait staff at reception halls are like bride seeking ninja’s with a secret mission from the dictator to keep your glass filled at all times!  They don’t make noise!  They never say anything, you look away for a minute to see your Aunt Agnes doing the chicken dance and WHAM!  Fresh glass of perfectly chilled champagne!  You didn’t stand a chance, honey!

As for making the rounds, at least one of you made it through, that’s what marriage is all about…forget about it.

I think it’s really sweet that your husband wanted to help you out of your dress…but let’s face facts, sometimes those dresses are so complicted, heavy and full of buttons that aren’t buttons, and zippers that you can’t see..if your beloved had actually tried it you would either still be in it now, or have a torn scrap of a dress to remember since it’s all he could manage after an hour of fiddling.

In regard to the big night’s main event…oh well….it didn’t happen that way.  I know a lot of couples that were so tired, and worn out and drunk, that sex would have been a miracle, not to mention a really bad idea….you’ve got the rest of your lives for that particular pleasure…and you can still make it special no matter what day it is…

You have got to give yourself a break, focus on the things that were wonderful and forget about the rest….your a newlywed!  Be happy!

 

Post # 7
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Nona99:  Couldn’t have said it better (or funnier) myself.  Well put.

Post # 8
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

From what I’ve heard from friends and what I’ve read on the Bee, most people don’t have sex on their wedding nights, and a good portion of those that do are virgins.

As far as drinking too much, don’t feel bad about that. I fully intend to be drunk at my wedding! Not sloppy, puking, falling down drunk, but a nice decent buzz. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. It doesn’t sound like you made a fool of yourself, so everyone probably just assumed you were overwhelmed, or exhausted.And even if they did think you were drunk, oh well? Lots of brides get drunk at their weddings. Some of them have posted here on the Bee. You paid for the drink service so that people could enjoy it to their heart’s content, and you’re people.

Post # 9
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you really do feel terrible, maybe you could make a point of visiting with the people you didn’t get a chance to talk to at the wedding?

 

Don’t beat yourself up too hard, my friends who have had their weddings all said they only ever got to talk to maybe a third of the guests.

Post # 10
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

We were pretty toasted on our wedding night, but our wedding had 25 people there IF you counted the minister and the photographers…so not talking to everyone would have been impossible…we spent that night at our house, can’t really remember a lot, got carried over the threshold…didn’t get dropped, made it up the stairs without falling…can’t rememeber a lot…wait…no, it’s gone now.  Found my wedding gown hanging off our chandelier, an empty bottle of champagne next to the bed and oddly enough a die cast replica of the 1972 Pace Car from the Indie 500…so god knows what happened, but I’m certain I had a lovely time!

Post # 11
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Nona99:  Love your response!!! lol

OP- {{BIG HUG}} and follow @ Nona99’s advice.

Post # 12
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Nona99:  Couldn’t have said it better (or funnier) myself.  Well put.

Post # 13
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Nona99:  Aunt Agnes doing the chicken dance!!

Priceless!!

Post # 15
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Nona99:  you know it!  My biggest hope is to one day be Aunt Agnes.

Post # 16
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@GroovyHippieChick:  I’ve got Aunt Agnes, Cousin Mavis and even Great Grammy Theodocia…what is wrong with my family??? These names!

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