Wedding Dissonance Anyone…?

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

LadyAprill:  When I was planning, I went throught the same thing. I had to pick what I really wanted, and if I really wanted it I shelled out the cash. There were things however like monogram napkins, m&m’s with our names, etc. That I decided were not worth the money. My big spluge was floral. I did spend a lot on flowers, but I do not regret it a bit. Also whenever I got in a rut planning, I just looked at the pictures of my mock up of centerpieces and I was happy again. 🙂 

Moral of the story is to find what you really want and find happiness in it. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

LadyAprill:   I felt that way too!  Then add on top of that your own family saying stuff like, “What else is going on besides a wedding?”  “You know that place isn’t that fancy.”  “That is a long way to go for just a wedding.”  “Do you even need people to witness your vows or not?”  (that gem came from my own sister)

I did not like spending money, but I did not like spending money for THESE humbut-party-poopers even more so.

And I was even planning a three day event to “make it worth their time.” UGH.

 

In the end we had a private wedding for four.

Post # 5
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

LadyAprill:  I wanted the same. I wanted nice, but not over the top. I couldn’t afford over the top. My Husband and I paid for everything ourselves. But I am telling the truth when I say find some aspect of your wedding even the materialistic part maybe that will make you happy. Have a picture of it on your computer or phone and look at it every now and then. For me it kept me going and kept me excited for the big day. 

Post # 6
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

LadyAprill:  I suffered the same dilemma for months. I’m a frugal Bee, probably because I never really had money. I never stopped going to school (I’m now 28 and still in college doing a ph.d, which I’m paying for, all by myself), as a result, I don’t know what it’s like to have savings, retirement funds and ”fun” money, for shopping or traveling or spending a day at the spa. Over time, I learned how to find good deals, and I pride myself in all the money I’m saving because hey, kudos to me if I can have exactly what I want, without increasing my debt all the while (it actually allows me to reimburse it off faster !)

At first when we decided to get married, Fi and I threw a random number on the table : 3K. We thought people spending more than that for a wedding were just treating themselves with fluff and luxury. Well, reality hit hard when we started looking at price. As you said, everything was so expensive, and we were pressured everywhere, from every vendor, to spend money to get better services. Because of course pictures will be crappy if you pay 800$ instead of 3000$ ! Of course your dress is going to be awful if you buy it off Ebay instead of paying 1500$ for it. Etc., etc.

After much stress, much tears and much frustration, FI and I doubled our budget (because for many reasons, it was not possible for us to have a 3K wedding, because of prices of catering especially, and we couldn’t cut the guest list any more), and now our goal is to pay not one penny more than 7K for everything including rings.

Still, I debated how I could just spend that amount for ONE day. But … in 2013, FI lost his grandma and one uncle. I lost my last grandma a few months ago too. My grandpa is turning 90 this year. Seeing my mom, grandpa, aunts and uncles be so devastated after they lost their mother made me even more grateful that I still have both my parents. I think it made us realize that the time we still had with our loved one is precious, that family is precious. In today’s life, will there be any other moments when we can reunite all our family together and celebrate love, marriage, family, friendships ? It felt like a unique opportunity and once I started seeing it that way … 7K became nothing.

Well, not nothing in the sense that it’s easy to save and spend. It’s not. But it’s worth it, for the sake of what this event is supposed to mean … not having a princess day (to each their own though), but to bring people we love together and spend time with them, while we still have the chance. FI and I asked ourselves : 10 years down the road, will we regret having spent 7K over our wedding ? Will this money have kept us from reaching our goals ? (being debt-free, owning a house, traveling, etc.) ? The answer is no. 7K for a day is a lot for frugal students. But it’s also something we’ll never look back to and think it wasn’t worth every penny. Especially as we age, and so does our family.

Post # 7
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Maui

I’m feeling the same way.  I live in Japan and the way it works here is you pretty much just choose your venue, and all the fees related to a wedding such as flowers, photography, food, drinks, even the dress rental come with it as a package deal.  You can upgrade your plan, but it isn’t really possible to subtract things you don’t need, and often there are surcharges to use outside vendors.  We have looked at 6 venues so far, and the estimates we were given were around $20,000 for very basic needs, nothing fancy at all.  We can afford it, but I am having trouble rationlizing spending that much on just one day.  I think that price is below the US average, and it is cheap for Japan too, as the average runs well over $30,000 here.  There is also a Japanese “cover your plate” cash gift custom that would soften the blow a bit, but it’s still a lot of money and there isn’t really much we can do to cut costs and still have a nice wedding here.  Browsing around on wedding boards I feel like in the US we could have a similar quality wedding with more freedom for much less money.  At this point I kind of want to say forget the wedding and let’s elope to Hawaii.

Post # 10
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am completely in that mindset! Our wedding is a year and about three months away. I love planning. I love planning out the details. I had fun wedding dress shopping for the first time last weekend. The logical side of my brain hates this wedding. The amount that we are probably going to end up spending, is a little less than 1/2 of our savings (and we wanted to put a downpayment on a house next November, possibly). The savings doesn’t include retirement (and that will not be touched until we retire). <br /><br />I am trying to come up with creative solutions, including a lot of DIY, to reduce costs. The two major ones are catering and photography. Catering will depend on the number of guest that end up coming, but it will still be expensive. My finace’ definately wants a plated dinner. On it’s own, it is not that expensive, but then you add in fees and gratuity per server, bartender fees and gratuity, event capitan fees and gratuity, napkins, plates, cups, silverware, drinks (non-alcoholic and minimal alcohol), and appetizers for cocktail hour and the price is much higher per person. <br /><br />The photography price seems expensive to us, even though I know that it is a “good” price for wedding and engagement photography. <br /><br />I feel guilty because I think I found my dress when I went shopping this weekend, but it is more than I wanted to spend on the dress (without alterations). The sales associate said that she might be able to bring down the price for me, a bit, but it is still expensive for a dress for one day. I am still looking at other dresses and at other options to buy the dress. <br /><br />I feel like anything that I would try to cut, in terms of expenses for our wedding would begin falling into the territory of rudeness towards our guests, and especially our wedding party and families. <br /><br />I am trying to convince myself that there are details, or aspects that I will be the only one to care about and therfore they can be eliminated. I never thought I would be stressing over these things!

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