Post # 1
Any other Bees wish they could redo their wedding?
Why? What went wrong?
I am very bummed about my wedding (the wedding my mother insisted I have and the one I really did not want) and have been thinking about having the wedding I really wanted (just me, the DH, a chapel and a photographer)
Post # 3
@californiabride2013: There’s definitely things I wish had been different, and most of them relate to family. Initially I toyed around with the idea of having a small ceremony just for us when we came back to Canada after the wedding. However, with some time I’ve learned to focus on what’s really important – the wonderful fact that I’m now married to my best friend! Perhaps it will feel better if you give it a little more time?
Post # 4
@eocenia: I had so many problems the day of the wedding and may prior to the wedding (unhappy family members about the child free reception, bridesmaids upset with dress color, difficult sister in law, MIA mother in law, etc). My parents really let me down, a few relatives said some unpleasant things to me about my appearance, etc. While I enjoyed the first look moment with my DH and taking photos with the bridal party I really had a bad time at the reception. My parents were completely out of control, family was down right rude, and one of my bridemaids was MIA. The breakfast the following morning was rough because my parents did not show up and I found myself apologizing to people for the behavior of my father and my brother. For a wedding that i did not want (and ended up paying for 1/2- which was not the original deal) I am just completely lost…. I cannot look at our wedding photos nor hear any song that I requested to be played at the wedding….. urgh…. my poor DH…..
Post # 5
It’s normal human nature to focus on what went wrong or wasn’t your first choice. It’s not healthy, though, to let that become the center of attention, and in most cases it’s not a good idea to have a do-over. Life is full of times when we don’t get exactly what we wanted; if you don’t learn to accept some degree of imperfection and not look back, you will go bankrupt (and drive yourself batty) always trying to do-over everything until it matches the “vision.”
Start looking forward to life’s next adventures instead of wasting time looking back.
Post # 6
If you still can’t get over it after a year, I would do a vow renewel.
Things went wrong at my wedding too (that I never wanted to have) and for the first few months it was all I could think about. Eventually that passed. Now I am ambivalent about it but glad my DH had a good time. Most likely we will do a small vow renewel on vacation for our 5 year anniversary and call it good.
Post # 7
There are things that I wish were different about my wedding (should have tried on more dresses to be sure, should have tried to loose an extra 5lbs or so because I see too much flab in my pics! Lol) but I would never want a do over. I loved almost every moment of my wedding, and at the end of the day, we are married now, and my husband and I are extremely happy, and we look back on our wedding day with happy memories.
Post # 8
I’m so sorry you feel this way about your wedding! I wish I had a suggestion to make it better, but I don’t really have any ideas. If it still bothers you that much by your first anniversary, the idea of a how renewal with just you two and a photographer sounds sweet and romantic to me.
I voted other because I definitely don’t want a do over (I loved my wedding!) but I wish I could change how a couple things went (shuttle bringing guests to the wedding was late, didn’t plan as much time as I wanted for photos, an awkward song at the beginning of the reception that lead to an empty dance floor for a few minutes, etc). What made me feel SOO much better about those minor things was watching our wedding video – it was perfect! And chatting with friends and family about their favorite parts of the day. I know it’s hard to look past the things that didn’t go as planned, but could you try to focus on the good parts? I hope you can find a way to be happy about your wedding experience soon!
Post # 9
@californiabride2013: I’m so sorry to hear that so many things went wrong – I can definitely identify myself with some of the things you’ve mentioned. After our wedding I could barely talk about anything else, I really needed to vent my disappointment, sadness and frustration. Writing about it here on wedding bee really helped as well, that and distance to my family. For a while I really felt like a second ceremony would be the only way to save it all, but as the months have passed I’ve found it easier and easier to just focus on our marriage instead of the day of the ceremony. Doesn’t it feel a little easier for you as well? If not, I would plan to do something special – just for the two of you about a year after the wedding.
Post # 10
I don’t really see the point, yeah stuff went wrong but having a redo isn’t going to fix anything or make it better. If you want to spend the money go for it, I just don’t think it is really worth it.
Post # 11
@californiabride2013: of course no wedding is perfect, you have to expect that. do you really think a do-over is going to help?
i think your attitude is going to have a lot to do with this. if you look at something, anything and see the negative in it, of course you are going to be unhappy. you need to start focusing on the positives of the day. how did you feel when you saw your dh for the first time; when you said ‘i do’; when you were announced husband and wife, etc. for me, and probably most brides, it puts a smile on my face. as for the unexpected things that happened at our wedding, we just laugh about them now. that’s really all you can do.
just remember that the true objective of the day was to be married. did that happen? yes. mission accomplished. again, i would focus on staying positive. a negative attitude will eventually bleed into your marriage.
Post # 12
@californiabride2013: There were so many things I didn’t like about my wedding that I wish it had never happened. I wish we had eloped instead. To this day, I can’t look at my wedding photos without feeling anxious and stressed. My husband feels the same way. But we wouldn’t have a do-over. It’s done, and we’ve moved on with our married life. Having a baby has made us realize what is really important in our lives (though not saying you have to have a baby to realize this). Yeah, I wish that I had wedding photos that made me happy to look at, but it’s okay that I don’t. Sometimes I joke with my husband that we should do a vow renewal, except this time we should elope. But we wouldn’t actually do it, and I don’t think it would be that meaningful if we did. The wedding is just one day that is blown way out of proportion. It’s all the other days, when you are living out your commitment to each other and living your life together, that really matter.
Also, our wedding day is so insignificant to us that we don’t celebrate our wedding anniversary. We decided to celebrate our dating anniversary instead, which feels much more meaningful. And there are so many other special moments in our relationship that we look back on fondly, that gave us happy memories and photos we love to look at.
Post # 13
I’m pretty glad I kept my expectations in check when it came to our wedding. We also kept it relatively simple. There’s a bunch of things that I would have done differently, for sure, but aren’t there always situations like that in life? Overall, it was a very happy day that we’ll remember fondly because we made a life commitment to each other and to God.
We’ll be planning awesome anniversaries and I suggest you do the same! Move forward! 😉
Post # 14
@californiabride2013: You can’t redo the wedding, it has already happened. I see no need to waste money twice. I can see doing a vow renewal or celebrating an anniversary (with a photog to capture it) but as for the wedding itself? No, I wouldn’t redo it.
Post # 15
@californiabride2013: I voted ‘Other’. We encountered far too much family drama for anyone’s liking which completely ruined the whole experience for both DH and me. Sure, we look at the positives because the day itself did go well. But I’m upset with all the drama (that is still unfortunately ongoing), I wouldn’t redo it per se, but if I had a do-over I would just elope and avoid it all. So I don’t know if that’s what you would consider redoing, because we wouldn’t have the traditional wedding that we started off with and tweak small details, we just wouldn’t have that wedding at all.
What about a vow renewal or something on an anniversary and do it the way you envisioned?
Post # 16
By wedding redo… I meant redoing it the way I had originally wanted….
I wanted just me, the DH, the photographer and an officant
I appreciate all the thoughts/posts/suggestions
I think my DH and I are going to have a vow renewal next year just the two of us….. with the photographer and the dress I really wanted to wear (poor cocktail dress is still sitting in the closet with tags on it)