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We had a lot to get through during our engagement as well, and also seriously considered calling off the whole thing and skipping off to the courthouse. We had to deal with mental illness tearing the family apart and abusive relationships, among other things.
We went through with our wedding anyway, and I can honestly say I'm really happy we did. For that one day, it brought everyone together to celebrate a very happy thing, and we were all able to put our sad thoughts behind us, even if only for 12 hours.
I had talked to some select family members about a courthouse wedding during our engagement, and they all said that we should continue with our plans because it gave everyone something to look forward to.
Just my two cents :)
I am so sorry to hear that! Well, I know a girl who was in a similar situation. She got engaged, everything was going great, but the world was crumbling around her. Family drama, illness, money issues, divorce kept pushing back her date. Finally, she and her husband hopped a plane to Hawaii and just got married! It was only the two of them, the hotel set everything up: officiant, flowers, marriage liscense, photographer, etc. Her family wasn't super thrilled about her decision, but she didn't care and has no regrets.
Hope that helps! At least you know it's been done before..
I'm so so sorry to hear your folks have had such a rotten year. And I can understand that you're considering postponing.
However, would that make things worse for them -- ie would they feel worse because they've been looking forward to your wedding as a real bright point in an otherwise difficult time? It may be that your wedding would be the thing that makes 2010 memorable for them for good reasons, rather than all negative associations.
I don't think your parents would want you to postpone. They've been dealing with so much this may be one more burden on them. I think you owe it to them and yourself to enjoy the engagement and your wedding day. I'm so sorry this time has been so rough for you all. I hope 2010 is a great improvement!
I'm dealing with a TON of family drama right now that is making it hard to be excited for the wedding. Without going into too many details, my father committed a white-collar crime and is going to be 'away' when I get married. It's put an insurmountable amount of stress on my family, but FI and I are moving forward with our plans. I'm already angry at my dad for the position he's put the family in, and I'd only be that much more angry if I had to put my life on hold any longer. But my situation is different than yours, and I wanted to comment to help you, not talk about me.
The way I look at it, in the face of everything that is happening, in any situation that's difficult and sad, people need to have something to look forward to and be happy about. Your parents may be dealing with a lot on their own plates right now, but deep down, as all parents do, they find happiness when you are happy. Don't feel bad about the good things that are happening to you because that's exactly what they want for you.
I really feel for you. We're in a similar situation. My mother recently lost her job, my father and she have both been dealing with major health issues. Fiance's parents have just moved back home to stay with FMIL's parents while they wait for a settlement for an accident that has left both unable to work with disability their only income. All their savings went to medical bills and they're teetering on the brink of bankruptcy.
I was worried that a wedding would be in bad taste or something at this point, but instead it really has acted as a bright spot for all of them. My mother and FMIL really perk up when we talk about it and have both said what a nice distraction it is for them, helping us to plan and make arrangements. They genuinely seem to be having so much fun with it and are so looking forward to the day. In a way, I'm really glad I'm able to give this to them. There's so little else I can do right now and it's just nice to have something happy to share together. For all their craziness, weddings can be wonderful things.
Thanks everyone for the replies. I know the past two years haven't been great for a lot of people in America; but man, my family feels like its on a terrible run of bad luck. Its hard for me to not walk around bitter, angry and with a giant chip on my shoulder.
And god knows those things all look beautiful wrapped in a white wedding dress!
I don't think we'll postpone, and I do think that the wedding does give my parents something to look forward to. I just hope it's not an added stress or burden.
Thank god for my fiance. He's been great about the whole thing. I'm so emotionally exhausted from the family stress!
I think I need a therapy dog.
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Is anyone else dealing with family drama that makes wedding planning just seem so... irrelevant? Or poorly timed?
My parents have had a very, very very awful 2.5 years. Unemployment, moving, unable to sell their house and renting it, only to have the tennant be 2 months behind in rent, forcing them to serve an eviction notice, public lawsuits, grandparent's illnesses. and so many other weights on my parents just make it hard for me to look forward to this.
All I can think is that we should either courthouse wedding it to get it over with, or delay this wedding until things start looking up for my parents. I've had a pretty great year; selling FI's condo, getting engaged, building a house, trip to Hawaii. And yet, I can't look back at 2009 as one of joy. And I hate that this drama of my parents (through no fault of their own) is just a cloud hanging over everything.
How do I push through the sadness for my parents situation to be able to enjoy the good things happening for me?