(Closed) Wedding Etiquete

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@monam131:  Did you have guests and a registry the first time around?

You could probably have a formal vow renewal with a reception and maybe a registry (if you didn’t have one the first time around) but I think having a bridal shower when you are already married might come off a bit gift grabby.

Post # 4
12877 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you could have a vow renewal and reception after that, but I would not call it a wedding, since you’re already married.  I also would not have a bridal shower, since you are already married and presumably live together.  Having a shower seems gift-grabby to me. 

Post # 5
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Traditional etiquette? No.

Modern reality? Maybe. It depends on your crowd. 


Personally, I don’t see an issue with it (I had a family-only ceremony and a party later) and I would bet that most people would be happy to celebrate with you. The shower is more dicey than the wedding because it’s usually for the purpose of sending a single lady off on her married life (back in the day, married women would welcome her into proper society and later on, give her tips on being married and all that) and you are already married. The wedding itself is not as big a deal. 

On the whole, I’d minimize any emphasis on gifts (so registries on your website are probably fine, but I wouldn’t include them in the invitation and think about a shower that’s more casual, perhaps with theme-based lighthearted gifts like recipes, Tupperware party, etc.) and I’d consider who my peeps are. If your close friends would be cool with this sort of thing but your family (or his family) is scandalized, then maybe a shower with only your friends is in order. And although a bride should never expect gifts in any circumstance, accept that to some people, an “after the fact” wedding is just not the same and while they’ll come to support you, they may not believe in a gift. 

Post # 6
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

A vow renewal OR a religious ceremony followed by reception would be fine to me.  However, I would hold off on the shower.

Post # 7
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 1997

Etiquette says no shower, no registry.

Also no wedding dress or any fancy venue or clothing.  A vow renewal is what you are having. You may each have one attendant. You and your Darling Husband each wear a simple yet nice outfit. Your attendants wear simple dress/dress shirt and slacks; also no ring bearers/flower children.

The only time a couple may dress in formal attire for a vow renewal is when they are recreating their exact wedding. Then of course different children may serve the parts as ring bearer or flower child.

I don’t really believe that it is necessary to hold strict to these rules. I am a very relaxed person. However, you did ask about the proper etiquette so there it is.

Post # 8
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Having a vow renewal and reception is definitely ok, but I would not have a bridal party or shower.

Post # 9
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

No – you’ve already had a wedding.  You’re married.

a vow renewal w/reception sounds nice Smile  no registry, no shower

Post # 10
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with everyone that says you should have a vow renewal & reception- no shower. I think a small registry might be appropriate (depending on your crowd), but I would definitely keep it modest & not give the information unless asked. Just my opinion, though! Everyone’s crowd will be different.

Post # 11
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

What PPs said about holding off on the shower and registry; if you’re already married then it’s unnecessary and a few brows maybe raised in regard to this…

A nice, fancy dinner party reciting your vows to each other and any other newer commitments seems like a great way to celebrate your union. All the other “stuff” is moot at this point.

Post # 12
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Bridal shower would be very inappropriate.  You could have a reception, though.  I’d shy away from a big to-do, though.

Post # 13
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think there’s a scale of OKAYness on this:

shower – for sure NO, especially not planned by you.  If your friends throw a surprise one for you, cool, but you should not have any input or hint or suggest a shower for yourself.

registry – ehhh…I’d say probably fine, depends on how formal your crowd is. If no one wants to buy gifts, they don’t have to. Its different from a shower where you can’t really opt out of giving a gift, so I’d say its ok.

reception – sure, absolutely!! But I wouldn’t call it a wedding, I’d call it a vow renewal or a celebration of your marriage…because the wedding already happened.


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