- 3 years ago
This is my first post in the hive and I hope I won’t disturb all the BBzzZ with my silly problems 🙂
I am looking for advice on what’s been starting to roll in my head for a couple of days now.
My SO are I have been together for 4.5 years. I am 28, he is 25, I am still at college (arhem… No comment ^^) while he graduated last June and is now working in the town where I am doing my studies. We have been living together for two years now in a shared house and our relationship is going very well: He is my best friend, my confident and my lover, we share the same passions, unbreakable mutual trust, and he is the only person I could want to grow old with, plunking white hairs off his head like two giggling teenagers ^^
Mentally, we are quite different: He is a very calm and stable person, who likes flowing along smooth roads without altering his “routine” of changing (“developing”) his way of being. I am the complete opposite: I’m an unstable tornado who goes from one thing to another within the span of an eye blink, with a weird gripping fear of “normality” and a fierce need of freedom.
As you can imagine, after 4.5 years and us being in the second half of our twenties, the idea of marriage and having children is starting to pop into the heads of our relatives. Truth being told, it does seem like the expected road to follow.
And here is my problem: while I am perfectly happy with him, with being with him, with staying with him, the idea of walking down the aisle and becoming one day a mother is making me PANIC! I literally can feel my feet wanting to pick up a run VERY VERY FAR.It’s ridiculous, the idea of being proposed to gives me cold sweats (and I can picture myself saying “No!”) while I know very well that official documents WOULD NOT change the way we love each other.
I have been on the hive reading your stories for several years: I find all of you bees absolutely gorgeous on your wedding day, your engagements stories are beautifully sweet, I like reading the blissful joy that emanates through the fulfillement of your dreams.<br />And I have myself had fantasies about what could my own big days, but being faced with the reality that it could be coming up makes me buck away suphocating.
I can’t help feeling downright silly. My friends do not understand that feeling and it feels way too alien to them to provide any real advice. When I look at wedding pictures with another perspective than just the “aesthetic”, the only thing that comes to my head is: “I…. CAN’T”…..
I really do no know what is wrong with me… Any comment? :(<br /><br />
- This topic was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by World.Explorer.