Post # 1
So, I’m not engaged, and until last year getting married was very far from my mind. It seemed like a nice idea and something that would happen eventually, but I was certainly not reading wedding websites and the whole thing just seemed like a vague hypothetical. Now, I feel like I’m obsessed with getting married! How did I catch wedding fever?! For starters, I met my wonderful boyfriend. We have a great, strong, loving, affectionate relationship, and we’ve talked about long-term plans and the possibility of marriage at some point. I think also as I get a little older, and others around me are getting engaged left and right (not to mention what feels like constant comments like "you two are totally getting married!" or "When is he going to propose?" from friends and family), it’s starting to feel much more immediate.
Unfortunately, I notice that I’m always the one to mention marriage, not him, and so lately I’ve really tried to not bring it up at all. I’m so excited to share my life with him, and yet it’s so frustrating that I feel like he basically gets to decide if and when we’ll become engaged! If it was socially acceptable to propose to him, I totally would. I just feel like it’s all in his hands right now, and that feels uncomfortable to someone who’s used to being assertive and independent. I’m nowhere near setting an ultimatum or anything as we’ve been together barely a year, but I just feel like – why wait? When two people love each other, are both financially secure, and approaching 30, what’s the hold-up? When we have talked about it, he seems to view marriage as something that will happen "some day," like a nice, hypothetical idea – the way I felt before catching wedding fever, I guess.
Anyone else feel like they’re on a different timeline than their boyfriend?
Post # 3
I thought I was until FI proposed so hang in there.
Post # 4
I think it is entirely normal to be on a different timeline than your boyfriend. If we all reached the next step at the same time, life would be pretty predictable and boring. One of the hardest things to do was wait for Mr Corn to propose to me…it wasn’t because I couldn’t propose to him, but rather because I was ready for the next step and he wasnt. Waiting for him was the best thing I could do. You don’t want to pressure someone into marrying you, and when they decide that they DO want to marry you, you KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that they made that decision with as much thought and consideration as they possibly could have.
As far as being wedding addicted…it goes with the territory…just don’t go crazy and you should be ok.
Post # 5
i totally feel you on this! my bf and i have been together almost 3 years (anniversary in 1 month), and since my brother got married last summer, i can’t stop thinking about what our wedding will be like, and obsessing about when it will be! i think it’s mostly bc of my brother’s wedding–my sister-in-law was overseas during the engagement and my brother did pretty much all of the planning, so through helping him and seeing all the planning and what kinds of family issues it all brought up, i got kind of a sneak peek into what i’ll want to do (and not want to do)…
i would totally propose to my bf, theoretically, except i really don’t think he feels ready yet. even though we’re basically married (live together, puppy-parents together, own a car together) and talk about getting married "someday" and about our future lives together. he’s just on a slower timeline than i am, i think, and i don’t want to push him, don’t want him to say yes just because he feels pressured to, etc. i want him to want to get married and be excited about it…so we’ll see…it’s funny, he’ll bring things up like potentially buying a house or an apartment together, and or where we’ll move together when i go to grad school next summer, but kinda clams up when i mention anything remotely resembling a timeline for marriage or kids, even though we talk about how we both want that with one another eventually…
my good friend, a married guy, suggested i set a deadline for myself in the future–like, 2 years–and if then if he hasn’t done it yet i should go ahead and propose. and i like that idea. we’re still young, mid-20s, so there’s really no rush. but really, i do want him to propose soon–i want to get married in the city we met in and are living in now and where his family is, and we’re probably going to be moving in summer 2010…so in the meantime, i’m just going to try and be patient and enjoy what we have and focus on the present…and not get my hopes up that he’ll propose on our anniversary, i don’t want to be disappointed! haha…..
Post # 6
My fiance and I never once talked about getting married, until the day he proposed, nine months after our first date. So, you never know what he could be already planning for you… 🙂
That being said, please try not to put so much pressure on yourself, or feel like you have to meet some magic timeline, even though it’s difficult. Your profile says you’re 25, but your post makes the point that you two are ‘approaching thirty.’ It sounds like you’re internalizing a lot of the outside pressures that make us women feel like there’s a ticking timebomb out there, looming over our heads.
You say that you’re ‘so excited to share your life with him,’ but sharing your life with him doesn’t wait to start till you get engaged– it’s happening now, in the adventures you’re sharing together and the strong foundation you’re building. Don’t focus too much on looking forward to the future that you forget to live in the moment and enjoy the present.
But yeah, it’s sort of hard to not get Wedding Fever when you’re on Weddingbee– this site is addictive! 🙂
Post # 7
Approaching 3.5 years here, and I’m in a similar boat as you. In our case, we’ve been talking about marriage from very early on, as our relationship was really serious from day one. And he has told me that we’ll be engaged within another year, which I do hope he sticks to.
But I too hate that feeling of having no control over such a very important decision. I’d propose but my boyfriend is very traditional and I know he would just shake his head and say, "It doesn’t work like that, sweetie."
And I’m with you on always being the one to bring it up, too – it’s hard, isn’t it?
I’m with you totally on this issue 🙂 Just take it day by day and try not to get too obsessed (something I’m definitely saying and not doing, but good advice nonetheless).
Post # 8
It helps so much to hear that other women are feeling or have felt the same way! @jhphi, I think you’re totally spot on that I feel like time is accelerating. I am still 25, but thinking about things planned for the next couple of years (including a likely upcoming relocation) makes it feel like time if just flying by. I also do love the relationship I have now, which is what I meant about being so excited to share my life with him – now, and in the future. I’ll just continue to enjoy things as they are now, with a hopeful optimism.