Post # 1
I’ve heard of registries for actual items and honeymoons.
One of my friends is having a wedding fund. The bride and groom are asking for financial contributions towards their actual wedding. You can contribute to the food costs, flowers, etc.
I was a bit shocked to see this, given that guests are spending so much money to be physically present.
Have you heard of this? What do you think?
Post # 3
@ScreenName: I haven’t heard of it and I think it’s tacky. I would not let my BFF do this nor would I donate.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor
@ScreenName: Haha I would give them a gift card to a local restaurant, or a gift card to a cooking store (like Williams & Sonoma) or home improvement store. I don’t want to pay directly for someone else’s wedding!
Post # 5
Sounds kind of like having a cover charge. For a wedding. I can’t imagine this really holding water with anyone.
Post # 6
Uhm, I might do the giftcard-to-a-specific-place thing, but more likely I’d just give them a card with a thoughtful note… I don’t care if my money goes to pay for/off your wedding, but don’t TELL me about it upfront!!!
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
I think asking people to fund your wedding, whether through a registry or stag/doe party, is extremely tacky and I would never donate.
Post # 8
I honestly couldn’t believe it when I saw it. I think it looks even worse because there are also other registries, too, so the whole thing just seems so gift grabby. I never thought my friend would turn into someone I didn’t know once she became engaged. 🙁
Post # 9
@ScreenName: Well, while on another (ruder) planet, I would love to be able to do that myself for the $$, I think it is very, very poor etiquette, and I would never consider such a thing!
The honeymoon registries strain my Miss Manners boundaries, though those are tempting as well. They’re pretty common these days but I don’t like them.
I guess what my FI and I are thinking of doing is having a small normal registry, to help people who want to give things choose gifts that will be useful to us, rather than the alternative. But we will also quietly, by word of mouth, share that we would most appreciate cash gifts, and hope to use those to help recoup some of the wedding expenses, as well as adding to what we’re planning to spend on our honeymoon. That in itself is not very good etiquette but I think it’s a lot better than an actual wedding-money registry! That’s rather like inviting people to a party with you as the host and at the end saying, “YOU all have to pay the bill!” Urk.
Post # 10
That’s a new one. I know honeymoon funds are not liked by a lot of people, but at least those are a gift for something you can use after the wedding. Asking for cash for the wedding is another thing. Like what happens if enough people don’t give them cash? If you really can’t afford the wedding you’d like you should adjust your plans, hoping that your guests will cover it is taking a pretty big risk.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2016 - Highfield House, Stanley, Tasmania
I asked this question recently. It is not an acceptable form of registry, from what I was told
Post # 12
Nooo way is that ok! Gifts of money are wonderful for a bride and groom to put towards their wedding if they so choose but guests should not know.
Post # 13
To be fair, I don’t think the bride and groom are asking guests to foot the whole bill (but from what i’ve tallied, there’s a couple thousand dollars at stake). However, I just can’t believe the principle behind it. Also, it’s made tackier given that the wedding promises to be a pretty elegant (read: expensive) affair and I know the couple can definitely afford their own party.
I like giving cash gifts or gift certificates. However, I hate the gift obligation part of any type of event. The wedding fund caused a mini-brain-implosion for me.
Post # 14
I would send them the Miss Manners wedding etiquette book, LOL.
Post # 16
I think it’s really tacky to have a registry like that. I usually give money at weddings, but I don’t want to be told to give money or told what I should put my money towards. I’m a smartass, so I would probably go out and actually buy them dishes or some other home good just to be snarky. I don’t usually get in a big fuss over a honeymoon registry since I know that’s what the money will be used for anyway, but having a wedding fund registry is basically saying that you are throwing a party that you can’t even afford yourself, so you want guests to pay for it. It also makes me think they want the money sooner than the wedding to pay for everything up front.