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love the idea. i really wish someone had cared enough to help me with my education after highschool and with wedding plans. that would be such a blessing to her. just make sure she knows its still a gift, and that there are expectations... ie for school it would be get good grades. for the wedding it might be done turn into a bridezilla. but that i think it a great idea.
Love the idea!
If only I had an aunt as wonderful and considerate as you!
I would advise against it at this time. Or if you do so, do not inform her of it and/or put some very strict caveats around it (i.e. she can only use it if she is 25 or older and finished her education, etc). She's too young for you to know what sorts of men are going to come into her life and what sorts of life choices she might make. My guy has two nieces (11 and 13) and the thing we keep stressing with them is to focus on school and being able to support yourself so that if life should present itself with unfortunate circumstances (death of a spouse, divorce), you are always able to support yourself. I just wouldn't want either of them thinking at 19 they could marry some deliquent bozo and the family would fund it. Yes, I get that they could still do that as legal adults, but it certainly wouldn't be with my hard-earned dollars. That said, if they had completed their educations, were self-sufficient, met a nice guy and wanted to splurge a bit on wedding niceties and we were in a financial position to be able to indulge them, we'd be happy to do so. They are very good, level headed kids with excellent relationships with their parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles so I'm hoping that the deliquent bozo possibly is an extremely rare one but... these days you never know.
My parents actually discouraged me from getting married until I finished my grad school and I am SO thankful for it. I ended up in a marriage where my ex cheated on me and I was able to kick him out without thinking twice because I had a good job and a lot of emotional support from family and friends. It's too easy when you are young to think that you love someone and they will be there forever to support you. Sometimes life happens.
@Anvil...oh im the queen of expectations with the girl. i promised her that if she doesnt go to schoolies (your version of spring break but worst if thats at all possible) we will take her AND a friend with us to for a 2 week trip to a south pacific island (she scuba dives as well). yes i know she can still get into trouble but not like schoolies which is notorious for underage drinking (our age is 18 here) and sexual assaults & violence.
same with uni - told her it wont be a free ride but she wont have to struggle either. she's use to my over protectivness - we gave her a laptop when she started highschool (which is about 12yrs old for us) and i had the wireless internet de-activated so she HAD to use the family room internet, my brother says im more over protective than he is
@Sf carrie - thankyou! i agree, i wont tell her about a wedding fund because the last thing i want is for her not to go to school and travel - we've constantly telling her that her priority is to finish school and travel before settling down
okay i agree with sf_carrie-- don't tell her about it! It breeds too much expectation. You don't want it coloring her decisions. Plus there may come a times when you need the money for an emergency. But I think that saving it and surprising her with it when she gets engaged is a great idea :)
I actually think it would be nicer if you just saved up money for her to give as a gift, perhaps as a graduation gift upon completion of university. A wedding is not in every girl's dreams or future. She may not get married until she's 40 or not get married at all, or she may want to elope and not have a wedding at all. I think if you give her money you should give it to her when she is mature (which is why waiting until after college is probably a good idea) and with no strings attached. You could suggest that she might want to use it as a "wedding fund," but if she would really rather go hike the Andes on it, isn't that her choice to make? However, if she did choose to use it on something else, then you would have to make clear whether any other wedding funds would be forthcoming.
If you do want to pay for her wedding in particular, then I would keep the money a secret from her until she announces she's engaged. Otherwise, it might create a weird scenario where she feels pressured to go on and get married, or she might feel hurt if she knows about the money but chooses not to marry, thus losing out on the money.
Still, this is a lovely gesture and I am sure that your niece will be really grateful someday. You sound like an awesome aunt!
Great idea! Gives her a nice head start since weddings can often set a couple back financially.
I think it is sweet. I wish someone had done something like that for me.
Sweet, but puts tons of pressure on her. What if she doesn't get married? What if she doesn't want a wedding?
How about a "Future Fund?" She could use the money for a downpayment on a house or graduate school, or something mutually agreed upon but not contingent upon her finding a husband and having a big party?
That's really nice....but how does your brother feel about that? I mean you're kinda taking his thunder, right?
Why money only for the daughter? what about the 5 boys? it just sounds so...playing favorites?
I dunno, my aunt would never do something like this and my parents didn't even pay for my own wedding, set aside money for another family member. If you can financially swing it, i think it's wonderful but that maybe the "wedding" tag should come off. Maybe just make it a really lovely graduation gift. I mean you're already paying for her education, that's just amazing. my parents paid for mine (with some major stipulations lemme tell ya) but i would never expect to have a family memeber so generous =]. you are so kind!
Actually in thinking about it further, I'm with Jocelyn and Chelseamorning on this. A "future fund" is an awesome idea and a really nice way to support her dreams -- whether it is a wedding, a house, further education, starting her own business.
@EJ.... the boys are all good, they are aged 31yrs to 8yrs and we've helped them out as well when we can as well. 2 of my nephews are married and they each received $5K as wedding gifts (given when they got engaged) and when nephew #3 became a dad earlier this year we gave them $500 as a baby shower gift - so pretty much have set a standard for the boys (even though most are adults they are still the boys to us)
she wont have to worry about having a house in the future, she is our main heir, unless we get cats in our old age and go loopy that is :) although all the nephews benefit as well so we do spread it around but she is very much looked out for by all the aunts/uncles - we're an ugly bunch when it comes to her but she handles it very well - thank god she takes after her mother is what we all say
but you are right.... "wedding fund" is alot of pressure so future fund works better.
edit: yeah, i hear you about playing favourites but i have favs amoung the boys as well but love them all and they know it
Oooo gotcha that makes sense. It's always right to be fair, at the very least.
I think it's really lovely that you and your husband can provide for your nieces and nephews financially and help them out.
I will say this...don't let her know "too much" about all the things. Sometimes it can make one feel entitled or like they don't have to work "as hard" for themselves knowing they have a nice cushy life coming their way. My parents are always telling me i won't have to work in my 40's and i can retire on my inheritance and blah blah blah and it makes it hard to stay motivated FOR ME sometimes (cuz i don't want to rely on mommy and daddy for my success, ya know? i'm trying to do the "i don't need it" thing), when i have them telling me this all the time. Sort of crushes my ambitions and it's almost like saying "you don't have to work, why bother? it's pointless, you're wasting your time" and it kind of takes the wind out of my sails. They like to tell me my engineers' salary is pennies basically, when it's not! Well maybe to them but hey i'm 23 =].
Long story short, so while it's nice to have financial help (and i'm grateful for a lot of things dont' get me wrong, i think my parents are just very strange about their money sometimes, trust me), sometimes it is a double edged sword and it may be best to keep this "Fund" for her secretly, so it's nothing more than a lovely surprise, not something she "expects"....does that make sense???
I don't think it's stupid. It's a very sweet gesture. I agree with the other ladies in saying that it might put some unneccessary pressure on her as far as marriage goes.
I think you're a fantastic aunt and just plain ol' person for doing such fantastic things.
thanks EJ - totally hear you!
heheheh, our joke is that i will have to keep working until i drop dead at my desk but hubby plans to retire in about 3yrs time. her dad (my brother) is def blue collar and she takes after her mum so hard work doesnt scare her - in fact she went against the family wishes and got her first job this year (at maccas) which we were all very much against but have to admit she has blossomed independance wise because of it
Ah, well, I hate always being the pessimist when it comes to money, I just know how it makes people think sometimes (and not necessarily for the better).
Hey, any 16 year old with a job (maccas=McDonalds for all you unknowings) is pretty ambitious in my books, no matter where it is. Public food service really makes you realize a lot of things. Lots of lessons that EVERYBODY should have in life.
Better than most 16 year olds, sitting around scratching their butts and daydreaming =]
My opinion - and it is one of an outside without knowledge or understanding of your family's dynamics and expections...
It seems an unecessary and burdensome pressure for a young girl to live up to. Here is why: she will know you are saving funds for her in the expection of her marriage. As long as she knows you support her in any of her life choices, it seems fine to share you are putting funds to the side for her to use further down in the fulfillment of her wishes for herself, and this is your demonstration to her that you support her in whatever she chooses for herself. But what if it were a law school fund or pre-med fund? Wouldn't she feel some degree of pressure to follow that route? This depends entirely of course on her environment and her own character. But the expectation and therefore some pressure can be inferred.
As a sidebar...I just wonder what her nephew could have thought on hearing that he was dispensible but the lone female is indespensible or given preferred treatment due to gender. It was what immediately struck me reading the original post. If it did not impact him, that's fine. But I wonder if it is taken for granted that females in the family are given preferrential treatment? In my case, the men on one side of my family have been given a blank check in my respects in terms of expectations, to the real sacrifice of their female partners.
All of these comments are - to emphasize - meant as observations from an outsider without any understanding of anyting further than the information given in the original post. It is all meant in kindness and to give a different perspective, if that was what you were asking. All the best to you and your loved ones.
What a generous and sweet gesture. i think it's a great idea to start a future fund for her. I wish my MOTHER would have done such a thing. You're an awesome aunt for looking after her in these ways!
that is a great idea! i wish someone would have done that for me - either for education or a wedding.
Eloping- You've gotten some very good, practical advice here so, no need to repeat it. What I will say is...I need to figure out how I can establish myself as your long, lost niece. You're the best aunt ever!
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i have only 1 neice... we have 5 nephews but just the one girl (as i told one of her brothers once, youre replacable but shes a one off) and since reading some horror stories on WB about families and money im thinking maybe we should start a wedding fund for her so 10yrs from now if she should announce she getting married we can hand over a cheque and say see you at the wedding.
we already plan on supporting her when she goes to university in 2yrs time so it wont be a prority over her education and i have a good relationship with her dad (my brother) so that wont be an issue with them.
so... stupid idea?