Post # 1
I have a lot of icky feelings about a registry-it just is not my style. So, I was thinking of putting this on our wedding website instead, but am wondering if it is tacky or presumtuous…
“We truly feel that your presence at our wedding if a gift to us; it means so much to us to share this day with those we love. However, guests have told us that some sort of guidance would be helpful.
We are saving for our first home and hope to settle down in ____, near our beloved freinds and family.
As artists, we love homemade gifts, bring your instruments to our wedding, share food from your gardens, gift us some of your talent to treasure in our home.
We believe in Kiva, a micro lending program that helps people around the world. Kiva has a memorial fund in the name of _______, a beloved friend.”
What do you think-does that sound rude or pushy? As a guest, would you appreciate it, or wish we had a formal registry? Would you think the wording is tacky or lame?
Post # 3
Please dont do this Unless you are in the UK or something. As a guest, I would find it a bit ridiculous.
Post # 5
I personally think that is beautiful, I wouldn’t mind reading that on your website at all. I would maybe do a small registry though for the traditionalists.
Post # 6
Go with a registry, that way you give people that want an actual physical idea something to choose from.
Post # 7
I would find it a bit odd so I’d just give cash.
Post # 8
@kimmyd: I would just read it and think to myself: all of that to basically ask for cash? I’m not sure people will know exactly what it means.
I dont think people should “ask” at all whether it be via cutesy poem or 5 paragraphs or not. I think by not registering you send a clear message and I would give you cash anyway. Also, I may be trying to really figure out what all that means (Ie: it is confusing). For the record, I wouldnt be offended though. I would just read and say, “really?” To myself. I’m just one person though so if you know your crowd then go ahead and do it.
Post # 9
I guess I am confused- there are clearly options that are not about giving us cash, for our artist freinds who do not have a lot of money. We, ourselves, are artists and we have a mix of artist and non-artists guests. We never feel comfortable giving gifts of our art to freinds in case they may not want it, but we don’t really have a lot of cash-so i thought this might give folks permission to do that without feeling strange about it. For our families, who do have the means, we just do not want a lot of “things”. and often they just do not understand who we are at our core because we are different from them in some fundamental ways. To me, this says “please do not give us store bought things” but by saying what we appreciate and letting folks know we love gestures.
I guess I am just clueless. I do NOT want to register because I think that is hugely tacky, so I thought this would be a nice way to say that we do not need expensive or store-bought gifts and let folks know a bit more about who we are so they can have the guidance they asked for. It is interesting how complex this is and how deep people’s reactions go. Thank you for all the feedback
Post # 10
@mrsmeyers84: Thak you for your comment. I thought it would be nice, and am surprised by the responses. But I appreciate everyone’s honesty. It was nice to know someone else thought it was nice. Thank you
Post # 11
To myself. I’m just one person though so if you know your crowd then go ahead and do it.
Post # 12
I think it is lovely and well conveys the fact that you are not requesting gifts but here are some nice ideas if you feel the need. i think you are very clear in your desire to not make people spend money on you. You sound like a lovely person and my guess is that your friends are like minded individuals who will understand where this sentiment is coming from and will understand the intention behind it.
Post # 13
@kimmyd: I think the wording is tasteful and not pushy at all.
However, I’m just one of *those* people who think mentioning gifts in general is rude in and of itself. I’m just biased that way, and I’m struggling with my own approach to my registries.
So I wouldn’t use it, or I would at least cut everything between the first paragraph and the Kiva memorial fund.
I also wouldn’t put it on the homepage or the welcome page. I’d make a Registry page and just put that statement on there with a link to the Kiva fund.
If people don’t donate and instead get you gifts that aren’t really your style, I’m sure you can just return them for cash to help you settle down.
Post # 14
I think it’s nice.
I’m a little confused by the line ” bring your instruments to our wedding”, are you asking people just to come and play something at the wedding or is that part of the gift suggestions?
I think that whole paragraph is a little confusing, I would just make it simpler, something saying that you like an appreciate homemade gifts and the monetry value is not important (I just spent ages trying to find a nice way to phrase that and failed but my English is rubbish so, obviously it would need to be better put). You should also be careful not to ailientate any non-artistic guests who would feel they don’t have the tallent to make something.
We do have a normal registry. The text on our website is something like:
“You precense at the wedding is all we need, if you would like to get us something, please feel free to use your imagination. Alternatively we have a gift list…..”
gelaine22 I’m curious, why do you think this would not be appropriate in the USA but would be in England? I know there are quite a lot of differences between USA/UK weddings but I would have thought gift lists was an area where they are similar.
Post # 15
I actually think it’s great. As you state, you don’t need gifts, but you know that guests want guidance on that issue. You give them several viable options. I don’t understand how people would not understand it…. However, that being said, I still suggest setting up a small registry (just of items you actually need – are there things you need to replace?) for traditionalists.
ETA: Be wary of inviting guests to bring their instruments to their wedding, unless you truly would like some of your friends to come and play pieces throughout the evening 🙂
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@kimmyd: I think it really depends on your crowd. There are a lot of etiquette-minded folks here who will say no. I would not mind one bit however ( you’re not just asking for $ – the homemade gifts and kiva options give people a whole range of options). If your friends and family are all chill, you’ll be fine. If there are more traditional older folks, it might be iffy.