Wedding gifts

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

1. Write a thank you card that is heartfelt, thanking them for sharing your special day (and maybe something vague about their “generosity of spirit”?)

2. Send them a thank you for sharing your day, and be sure to include a return address label!

Post # 4
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

only write thank you notes for the gifts you received, do not write thank you notes to thank people for coming.

sometimes people wait a few weeks to a few months after the wedding it send their gift. just wait another month and see what happens.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

Thank you notes are not for “coming out”.  They have already been thanked at least twice.  Once via the reception which is a thanks for coming out, secondly in person by hopefully both the bride and the groom “thanks for coming today, it’s great to see you”.

Any note sent thanking for someone for coming a third (at minimum) time can be seen as fishing. 

I wouldn’t do the vague thank you, as people will see right through it, and know that you are following up about your gift.

 

Post # 6
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@NYBubblesBee:  Thank you cards are to be written to thank your guests for attending the wedding. Any gifts received are to also be mentioned in the thank yous to those that gave the gift. So yes send a thank you to those you didn’t receive gifts from simply thanking them for sharing your day with you and all their love and support.

Post # 7
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ajillity81:  

@andielovesj:  That is completely incorrect. Thank yous are sent out to all guests in attendance for attending. Just as formal invites went out inviting them, formal thank yous go out thanking them. These guests still took time out of their busy lives to attend a party for the couple.  I am no where near an etiquette snob and think most etiquette is dated but this part is just common courtesy. 

Post # 8
Member
6900 posts
Busy Beekeeper

 Traditionally, gifts are sent to the house before or after the wedding,  technically up to a year, although most people feel that is pushing it.  So no, I would not say anything. 

In addition,   gift giving is  voluntary and up to the givers, not an entitlement. As a guest,  If I were  close to these people and a gift  had not been acknowledged within a reasonable amount of time or a check not cashed, I might inquire discreetly of immediate family or the couple to make sure they had received it.  But on the host end  I would not solicit info about “overdue”  or “missing”  gifts. 

Post # 9
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

For any guests from whom you did not receive a gift, thank them for coming to the wedding and sharing this special day. Thank them for having a positive impact on your life and tell them you’re looking forward to all the upcoming things in your life. They will notice you are not thanking them for a specific gift, and if they mean to send one, they will.

Post # 10
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

write thank yous for people who gave you gifts. that is all. if people don’t get a thank you and gave a gift, they will come inquiring.

Post # 11
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

Drummerbride, you are free to disagree with this point of etiquette, but I don’t see how continuing to re-thank people for the same thing over and over and over again can be seen as anything other then fishing for gifts.

No really this time, I mean it, thanks for coming, it was great to see you, Now I know I’ve said this twice before, but seriously thanks for coming, it was great to see you. No, seriously, this time I will write it in a card, thanks for coming. It doesn’t make you seem any more thankful to keep doing it.

Technically all of the wedding guests should be thanking the hosts for hosting them. Not you thanking them for accepting your hospitality.

Post # 12
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@andielovesj:  Completely agree. I don’t care what etiquette says… THEY should be thanking ME for inviting them to the reception (especially if they didn’t bring a gift!) lol, not the other way around!

AFM, I never cross-checked a list of who brought gifts compared to who came, and many people mailed gifts in advance (to which I immediately returned a TY so I didnt have to think about it), so if there were people who I didn’t send a TY to, I don’t even know.

Post # 13
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think this might be confusing also when guests send gifts before the wedding.  Obviously you’d send a thank you card for the gift as soon as you get it, but are you also supposed to send a second thank you card for attending the wedding.  That seems silly and excessive.

Post # 14
Member
6900 posts
Busy Beekeeper

http://living.msn.com/life-inspired/miss-manners-advice/miss-manners-thank-you-notes-for-all-wedding-guests

“Hosts do not write to thank guests for their attendance, even though they may respond to their parting thanks with thanks. It is guests who must write letters of thanks to those who entertain them, although this is not necessary for ceremonial occasions.

In the midst of a thank you letter famine, Miss Manners is loathe to label any such attempt as excessive. But yes, your fiancé is right.

Of late, Miss Manners has had a number of inquiries from brides who have suggested doing this as a way of prompting guests whom they deem remiss to send presents. While not accusing you of any such motives, she warns you that the suspicion will arise.”

And:

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/167-wedding-thank-yous

Thank yous are required for gifts, not attendance.

Post # 15
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Interesting topic…..I kept a list, too.  It was actually our invite list that I added a column to for gifts and thank yous.  I sent cards as gifts came in, but with 80% of the gifts coming before the wedding, it got a bit hectic, so I was glad I kept track. My memory sucks, and and even with my list there was a friend who I sent 2 thank you cards to…oops! 🙂

 

Post # 16
Member
550 posts
Busy bee

We sent thank you notes to everyone who attended our wedding. They were lots of fun even if they weren’t gift-givers. I promise we weren’t fishing for presents!

We had copies of pictures from the wedding of them (mostly posed portraits, but also candids of each guest!) to send, too. What better way than to enclose them with the thank yous?

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